People Expectations

[BlestVessel]

Does anyone else notice they do this?
God's brought it to my attention that upon finding interest in other believers in fellowship, I tend to effort in lowering their expectations or addressing them on a different level in the beginning.
I speak foolishly of my every thought and feeling, I act ditzy, then as time goes on, I become comfortable enough to "stretch out" my depth and careful thinking into my words and actions, along with residual nonsense.
Only by then, it's too late. I've been recognized as childish, immature, unknowledgeable, and one who clearly lives and breathes in the flesh.
I honestly don't know how to relate to believers in my church without this initial behaviour.
They gather in the name of the Lord, then only talk about things of this world-circumstances, work, school-and that's fine to an extent; but when I try to move past that into what the Lord's doing in there or suggest we pray or say something awesome God's done for me at inquiries, they act like I'm a fanatic!
I get this spiritual eyeroll like "yes yes, we know He's good, we know we know, works wonder, wants more for us.. blah blah blah, we know you love Him, we know we know."
So how can I be genuine or real when my identity is so much in Him and they are not embracing Him? I've gotta learn!
Now that I'm aware of this, though, I'll certainly not continue this facade.

Does anyone have any wisdom or advice on the matter or care to share a similar problem?

 

[Periann]

Ditzy is not a nice thing to be called...yep Ive been in much the same situation as you once or twice!

You can't change other people though, no matter how hard and how much you would like them to grow in Christ.

Do whatever you're doing right now with them faithfully and don't give up! Stay humble and Im sure that although you might not see it now, your actions and words are lighting up someone else for Christ!

 

[Chilldogg77]

Blest, I can't see you as acting ditzy, but I'll take your word for it. Maybe you could ask them what they think the Lord is trying to do within that circumstance, or what they think he wants from them in that circumstance when they bring up things of the world. At least then they would be challenged to think rather than give a "spiritual eye roll."

I think that perhaps the reason you acted in a different way in the beginning was to ensure that people were comfortable around you, so that you would eventually have a chance to share your wisdom with them. However, if you look at your posts on this forum, and think about the responses you get, you would see that this is not necessary for people to feel comfortable around you. People did not give up their former ways of life and follow Jesus because He was "normal" and they felt comfortable around Him. Our lights should always be shining brightly. Good luck, and God bless!

 

[BlestVessel]

Chill, ANYONE can play ditzy, especially me! hehe I think in my church, some of my peers have changed their view of Jesus as someone who is "comfortable." They don't want to be odd or stand out or "pray too much" or "praise too much" like they've been saying I do. You're right, Chill, I do want so to be approachable for them, but unlike the forum, the moment I bring God into any part of the conversation, that eyeroll has followed. And I don't want to walk in the room claiming to be "more holy" or "wiser" or any such nonsense. It's unfortunate that they are uncomfortable sharing things about God-even with each other!-and comfortable discussing separately every other aspect of their lives. Thanks for the encouragement though, guys! I'm just gonna press on, do what I'm called to, and though I'm time after time after time rejected, then so be it! I love them TOO MUCH to just blend in and conform and not encourage them in our Lord! God provides other fellowship, He'll meet my needs by other means if needed.

Love,
April

Thanks again! Keep adding to the post as you like!

 

[cyberwood]

I'm right there with you. It is very hard for me to step out and share my faith with others, even other believers! I water down my heart, and don't speak from the passion that I know I should. But with each step I take (in faith, trusting the Lord will complete His perfect work), the steps get easier. It is daily my prayer that the Lord will strengthen my resolve in Him, and make me more of the rock He predestined me to become. But we will not stop, since we have committed to Christ!

Ditzy is not necessarily a bad thing - God gave us each a very unique and beautiful personality, but it is only truly developed in and through Christ. Christ is the grounding force that gives us to truly express ourselves just as our great Lord would have us. Trusting the fire and resolve to know our Lord is strong in you, I am certain that your ditziness, even when you are not explicitly talking about the Lord, delivers the awesome brilliance of Christ nonetheless.

Behind each person's special personality, there is a great wealth of human expression. However, not everyone chooses to get past the 'shell' of the person. It sounds like this is the case with you, for exactly the reason you stated: They know what's deeper in you. They know who owns you.

You are called ditzy as though to insult your very being. You are pegged and as a result, you see many lost opportunities. You are fanatical because you recognize and publicly acknowledge the Lord's soveriegn hand in everything, great or small. You are told that Grace does not govern which boy your girlfriend should date, or how a friend should react to his overbearing boss, and so on.

The eye rollings definitely sting - I really hate them! What makes it worse is that you know it's not just you that's being rejected.

I don't know if I was able to accurately capture what you are talking about. If I did, then know that I have been there, and am there now. I am saddened that much of my personality is lost and that I am pegged, but I am so full of praise in knowing that no human effort can remove Christ's love from inside of me - it is plainly seen, even if I haven't said anything. Nothing can reduce it. If I am called a fool, then I am a fool for Christ. If I am naive, then I am naive in Christ. If I don't know how the world really works, then it is for Christ's glory that I have been made dumb.

I know you are led, which is plenty. I would strongly recommend considering many forms of expression of the praise in your heart, and use that trusty mind of yours (romans 12:2 ) to think of clever ways of slipping out your awesome love for the Almighty and getting those seeds thrown everywhere. Perhaps some respond better to other forms of praise?

What do you think?

 

[BlestVessel]

I think you're a genius and I think that you captivate the definition of a true friend. One who not only presents the matter before the Lord, the only One who can impact the situation, but also soothe the soul by reflecting back to me the truth already in my heart when I'm too distracted to see it. We all need to be reminded. You do it so well, Chris! So very very well.

Much Love,
April

 

[e-bwm]

I also have been there. I believe that it is because they do not relate to it, because they may have not reached that point. I also believe there are so many creative ways to reach others, even our brothers and sistes in the faith.I also believe that God deals with us individually according to our needs and our makeup. It is with prayer for wisdom for ourselves, and for the spiritual needs of others that will help us in this area. A Scripture that patterns this for me, at least, is Colossians 1:9-11 :

9 For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
10 That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;
11 Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;

for starters, and I'd read the rest of the chapter. It all ties in here. I hope this encourages you. It helps me.

Ed

 

[Periann]

Ive been called 'ditzy' before just for trying to do a nice thing for someone in simple ways or for doing the smallest thing to help someone else out and just for being I guess 'foolishly feelingful'..and it does sting sometimes. People always expect you to act like they would but it's encouraging to know that God sees it all.

 

[BlestVessel]

When I wrote this thread, it was because of God's revealing to me that I was hiding, that I'd put up so many barriers, worn so many masks that even though I was utterly convinced I was being myself and totally open, I was allowing myself to camouflage. Recently, several times, people in the young adults group, angered me and that just confirmed that something was going on (it takes a lot to anger me, I just don't tend to get angry). And when I got angry, instead of determining why and explaining to reach a resolution, I just shut my mouth and changed the subject or left. That is a REAL RED FLAG for me, because I deal with things as they happen. I don't want something going on in me to be left in darkness, I want it brought to light, or I want to shed light on the situation and help the other person reach the truth. So this was ODD! Anyway, what had angered me so was every time they'd ask [because people noticed bizarre things going on in my life and ministry and me], I'd explain how God had set it up, or prepared me for it, or my understanding of why He'd done it. Instead of giving God glory, they persisted in crediting me, flesh! People who claimed to believe in our Almighty God could not attribute all the wonders of my small life to Him! And what did I do???? I changed the subject! I was so angry and so confused and so proud (confused because this included leadership telling me it was my works not His!) and that's what the Lord's been working on with me--PRIDE. All my barriers, all my ditzy behaviour, all my attempts to be "less extreme" around the religious and the believers, were rooted in the fact that I didn't want to be hurt, that I didn't want to be [further] embarassed by this group, that I didn't want any more gossip or rumors going on about me. So I shut my mouth and played church. But that is not what God asks of us. He calls us to a higher love which does not take into account our own well-being, except in asking and trusting God for it. He's our defense, He's our protector. We don't change ourselves or allow ourselves to be buried beneath deception. Regardless of how others treat us, regardless of how rude and hurtful and two-faced they can be. Our simple job is to love. And though I thought I was loving the best way I could, instead of setting an example for my peers, I showed them that it was okay to be less-than-authentic, of little depth, to put on that "church smile" regardless of what's really going on.

Anyway, I just wanted whoever reads this post to understand WHY this was a problem. Because I am a proud and a self-righteous sinner. God is dealing with me, but be alert to similar issues in you and your own church. We have to be real, authentic, genuine, willing to be hurt, willing to put ourselves on the line, for His glory. If you are robbed, give the robber what you can. If you are struck [physically or emotionally], turn the other cheek in love. We need to stop defending ourselves, do what God says and trust HIM to have the sea crush the Egyptians. It may feel like being a pushover, but if that is a case, our Lord was a pushover all the way to the cross. It looks like defeat, but giving God authority is victory.


Beginning to Learn,
Your Sister April

 

[Endure2]

to go on into what God wants you to be, you are going to have to get past letting peoples misunderstandings or criticisms effect you.

yeah we need to be down to earth and know how to function here and get along with people.

but if people who are immature in the Lord rolling their eyes when you follow the leading of your heart and God effects you, what will you do when people throw rocks becuase they hate your God?

i have friends who have gone through this, and i am beginning to also.
them being what God was leading them to be made others percieve them as conceited or arrogant, so they tried to water it down in order to try and keep a place in those peoples lives.(but that was a plot of the enemy to keep them from being who God needed them to be)
but in the end, they had to follow God and not be afraid of peoples misunderstandings, no matter how sincere those misunderstandings are.
God is their God, not you, its not your job to fix them, you cant.

you have to be lead by your God, and if people misunderstand, you have to leave them to God.
what you cant do is grieve the holyspirit, for any reason.

you have to get past letting other peoples weaknesses effect you, or you will never be able to some of the more drastic things God has called you to eventually do that will cause people to down right persecute you.

though as you begin to follow the Lord and not people and leave other people to God and let them think what they will of you, he will lead you begin to use wisdom and caution and balance.

but one thing is sure, like bill cosby said
"im not sure i know the key to success, but i know what the key to failure is, and thats trying to make everyone happy".

its Jesus' job to marry and love the church, not yours.
its your job to serve the church, not love the church.
you do love them, but you have to have an audience of one, and he is the only you have the right to put all your effort in to pleasing.

if people dont understand you or receive you, when your doing what you need to do, you have just keep doing it and go on and leave them to God.

everyman must bear his own burden. that goes for them and you.
you dont have enough in you change who you are, to carry theirs and yours.

 

[BlestVessel]

True Like I say, God's working on me. But your confirmations are wonderful. Thank you a thousand times!

 

[cat has felt the light!]

Does anyone else notice they do this?
God's brought it to my attention that upon finding interest in other believers in fellowship, I tend to effort in lowering their expectations or addressing them on a different level in the beginning.
I speak foolishly of my every thought and feeling, I act ditzy, then as time goes on, I become comfortable enough to "stretch out" my depth and careful thinking into my words and actions, along with residual nonsense.
Only by then, it's too late. I've been recognized as childish, immature, unknowledgeable, and one who clearly lives and breathes in the flesh.
I honestly don't know how to relate to believers in my church without this initial behaviour.
They gather in the name of the Lord, then only talk about things of this world-circumstances, work, school-and that's fine to an extent; but when I try to move past that into what the Lord's doing in there or suggest we pray or say something awesome God's done for me at inquiries, they act like I'm a fanatic!
I get this spiritual eyeroll like "yes yes, we know He's good, we know we know, works wonder, wants more for us.. blah blah blah, we know you love Him, we know we know."
So how can I be genuine or real when my identity is so much in Him and they are not embracing Him? I've gotta learn!
Now that I'm aware of this, though, I'll certainly not continue this facade.

Does anyone have any wisdom or advice on the matter or care to share a similar problem?

erm I do do things like that a bit when meeting new ppl, but I fugure that if ppl are in church to judge my dopiness instead of focusing on the Lord then they're the ones in the wrong! I forget everything when I'm around other christians, sometimes I'll think of something really clever to say but I'll be too shy to say it then someone else will and all I can do is agree and look like a fool who knows nothing! but I guess I'm learning!
C@ xx

 

[Full_Moon]

Does anyone else notice they do this?
God's brought it to my attention that upon finding interest in other believers in fellowship, I tend to effort in lowering their expectations or addressing them on a different level in the beginning.
I speak foolishly of my every thought and feeling, I act ditzy, then as time goes on, I become comfortable enough to "stretch out" my depth and careful thinking into my words and actions, along with residual nonsense.
Only by then, it's too late. I've been recognized as childish, immature, unknowledgeable, and one who clearly lives and breathes in the flesh.
I honestly don't know how to relate to believers in my church without this initial behaviour.
They gather in the name of the Lord, then only talk about things of this world-circumstances, work, school-and that's fine to an extent; but when I try to move past that into what the Lord's doing in there or suggest we pray or say something awesome God's done for me at inquiries, they act like I'm a fanatic!
I get this spiritual eyeroll like "yes yes, we know He's good, we know we know, works wonder, wants more for us.. blah blah blah, we know you love Him, we know we know."
So how can I be genuine or real when my identity is so much in Him and they are not embracing Him? I've gotta learn!
Now that I'm aware of this, though, I'll certainly not continue this facade.

Does anyone have any wisdom or advice on the matter or care to share a similar problem?

Interesting stuff April, I never imagined you as a ditz, just a bit of a corn-dog sometimes Which I grudgingly admire.

There are no fixed rules when it comes to what your talking about. First is the matter of knowing God, which can only be done in part right now. Second is the matter of knowing yourself and others. All things are according to circumstance.

Sometimes its good to be open, to shout for joy in God, letting everyone see.
Sometimes its good to be quiet, to whisper in someones ear, to calmly share love.
Sometimes its good to say/do nothing at all; to be silent.
Sometimes its good to pick up a stick and beat people.
Most of the time we have no clue what we are really doing and cause benefit and harm simotaniously. This is because we lack wisdom. Part of being human being instead of Supreme being. Whatever, just keep marching and don't stop praying.

I think: What does it matter what anyone thinks of me, only so far as it affects what they think of God. Just do good things, follow wisdom as best I can, and the fruits belong to God.

God is supremely important, and noone can deny this with realism. Believers or non-believers, both alike need God. Who can hear enough of God? Who can stop talking about his glory??

Most of my companions are not Christian, yet we always talk about God. Sometimes I am shunned, and sometimes praised, both I take lightly. Of course one of my favorite sayings is: "All thanks belong to God"

Recently I was shunned harshly because I would not submit to the idea that lust was pure. A fanatical spiritualist I know thinks its ok for him to sleep with whoever (even though he is married), his wife has bought into it (though I know she is not of that essense).... they yelled and screamed at me, while I remained relatively calm. Thier anger showed how much they respected my words, thier heaps of insults showed me how unsure they were about thier own conviction. It was nothing personal, even if I was acting like an *** in part (undoubtedly, when am I not? ) Either way I lost a buddy, and potentially a close friend (his wife I've known for 12 years), but I'd rather have that then give my stamp of approval to what they preach, for it will result in thier destruction.

I've been called fanatic, zealot, extremist, irrational, crazy... pretty much any name I can think of actually, and thats ok. Good names and bad, people just like to label things. People are people, God is God, thats my only real point here. Its ok that way, all in the plan.

Frankly, I think its sweet when you want to pray in church (seems apropriate), or talk about God etc.. However, if your unsure about what your doing in church, people will pick up on it, they will see your weakness and jump on it (thats what people tend to do). I'd say: just go all the way. Let them resent you (which is self-pity) Let them praise you (which is recognizing goodness) but first and foremost, let God be your judge rather then them or yourself.

If you can stand up for God without fear, noone will be able to make you sit. You might find others standing beside you as well when they realize how good it is.

Cheers.