People..Do We Really Need Others?

[AVTechMan]

I've been pondering on this question for a good many years. I've always been a quiet and introverted person for a long time. Never experienced marriage, meeting people in general, or 'networking' as they say is a chore. I have very little, if any tolerance for drama. I don't like conflict. To me alot of the time, with the state of things in the world today it makes me wonder whether I should just remain isolated from others...I mean, its not like many people would care anyway, or that they have a ton of their own problems. Can such a person live as a complete loner with no other contact whatsoever?

I've faced this problem for a long time. I never felt I was relationship/dating capable, never felt marriage capable, or even just being social. I just feel that if I remain a loner, I won't have to worry about anyone hurting or disappointing me, as I would never give them the chance to do so hence, living in isolation from others.

Apparently God wired us for relationships, but I sometimes feel that I should have been the exception, especially when one isn't good at it as it is. The verse that He says "It is not good for man to be alone..." doesn't mean just for marriages or help-mates, but for general relationships too. I've been called 'dark and lonely', and 'reserved' and other things. Not that it really bothers me but it just makes me feel that I am not worthy of any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise so I often tend to just sit in my own world.

Any thoughts on this?

 

[bobross]

I feel like this too, AV. You are not alone, and despite how you interpret the Bible, I don't think it is wrong to feel this way. People just have different personalities and needs. I, for one, am very happy being single. After a failed marriage, I came to discover that that was not the life for me. I actually started a thread about that very thing not too long ago.

 

[dayhiker]

Clearly God created a big variety of people. That variety seems to be able to be measured in many ways. This case extrovert to introvert. With some introverts being so sensitive to over stimulation from being around people that they want to be alone most of the time.

I'm also an introvert. When I was young just a few friends was all I wanted. But there were things I didn't like about not being able to talk with more people. So I started to learn what I needed to know to talk with more people. I learned about people from watching, I learned about group size and how the dynamics change as the group grows in size. I learned to stay up and express my views when I knew the others would disagree with me. (not always, but I can) I'm still learning and have quiet a bit more to learn. So now I can do alone time with no problem or I can join in a group.
I find God uses me quite a bit when I'm friends with people.
Yet I wonder ATV if even coming here to chat isn't a desire you have to be more social?

 

[AVTechMan]

Clearly God created a big variety of people. That variety seems to be able to be measured in many ways. This case extrovert to introvert. With some introverts being so sensitive to over stimulation from being around people that they want to be alone most of the time.

I'm also an introvert. When I was young just a few friends was all I wanted. But there were things I didn't like about not being able to talk with more people. So I started to learn what I needed to know to talk with more people. I learned about people from watching, I learned about group size and how the dynamics change as the group grows in size. I learned to stay up and express my views when I knew the others would disagree with me. (not always, but I can) I'm still learning and have quiet a bit more to learn. So now I can do alone time with no problem or I can join in a group.
I find God uses me quite a bit when I'm friends with people.
Yet I wonder ATV if even coming here to chat isn't a desire you have to be more social?

Its interesting you mention that. From what I have discovered, its often easier for me to sometimes chat online like this because one, its easier to convey my thoughts compared to in person and two, I don't really get nervous. At the end of the day, I can leave the computer and do other things and I would still be alone.

I have a tough time being around people because I often tend to mess up my words or just don't know what to say, so even if I was around a small crowd I can still be completely invisible.

Can do most other things like being mechanical and technical but being social isn't one of them. I don't think God would have much use for me not being much of a people person. So I often wonder well, I can still worship God and not need people...just me and Him.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Of course you can. Can being the operative word. But consider this. And this is just an opinion, so feel free to not accept it or disagree with it.

I believe we were created for God's glory, not our own. He wants a relationship with us, but he also found out when he first created Adam that it was better for Adam if he had a helper.
Jesus will not come back for us until everyone that is going to get saved does so because He is a God of Mercy and wishes none to parish, so if we don't help move that along by glorifying God with our lives and telling people about the Good News, then it will take a lot longer to get to eternity.
So IMO, we are to glorify Him with our lives, and tell others about Him. Now does that mean that you have to do it face to face? no. If you do it behind a computer screen or face to face you are still doing it.
I also think we were created to need some affection. Some may be content to get that just from friendships and others need full blown relationships.
So I don't think we should be isolated from everyone forever. But again, that is JMHO

 

[Kingsdotter]

I've been pondering on this question for a good many years. I've always been a quiet and introverted person for a long time. Never experienced marriage, meeting people in general, or 'networking' as they say is a chore. I have very little, if any tolerance for drama. I don't like conflict. To me alot of the time, with the state of things in the world today it makes me wonder whether I should just remain isolated from others...I mean, its not like many people would care anyway, or that they have a ton of their own problems. Can such a person live as a complete loner with no other contact whatsoever?

I've faced this problem for a long time. I never felt I was relationship/dating capable, never felt marriage capable, or even just being social. I just feel that if I remain a loner, I won't have to worry about anyone hurting or disappointing me, as I would never give them the chance to do so hence, living in isolation from others.

Apparently God wired us for relationships, but I sometimes feel that I should have been the exception, especially when one isn't good at it as it is. The verse that He says "It is not good for man to be alone..." doesn't mean just for marriages or help-mates, but for general relationships too. I've been called 'dark and lonely', and 'reserved' and other things. Not that it really bothers me but it just makes me feel that I am not worthy of any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise so I often tend to just sit in my own world.

Any thoughts on this?

It's ok to feel the way you do. We all have different personalities and that's the way God made us. Being called "Dark, lonely and reserved" is quite harsh, thank goodness it doesn't bother you. You are worthy of having healthy relationships. Don't let anyone make you feel unworthy. Don't sit in your own world, many people need you. You can volunteer your time helping someone else and helping spread God's kingdom on earth

 

[AVTechMan]

Of course you can. Can being the operative word. But consider this. And this is just an opinion, so feel free to not accept it or disagree with it.

I believe we were created for God's glory, not our own. He wants a relationship with us, but he also found out when he first created Adam that it was better for Adam if he had a helper.
Jesus will not come back for us until everyone that is going to get saved does so because He is a God of Mercy and wishes none to parish, so if we don't help move that along by glorifying God with our lives and telling people about the Good News, then it will take a lot longer to get to eternity.
So IMO, we are to glorify Him with our lives, and tell others about Him. Now does that mean that you have to do it face to face? no. If you do it behind a computer screen or face to face you are still doing it.
I also think we were created to need some affection. Some may be content to get that just from friendships and others need full blown relationships.
So I don't think we should be isolated from everyone forever. But again, that is JMHO

Some good thoughts there. I have always assumed that the only way to witness to others or to tell others about Jesus was through preaching or some other form of public speaking. I often feel bad for the fact that even though one is saved, they are often quiet and just doesn't say much of anything. I know I was not called to be a preacher. But as you mentioned I guess other ways would be via computer or ways where you don't always have to talk to people face-to-face. Or maybe I just have a flawed personality.

It's ok to feel the way you do. We all have different personalities and that's the way God made us. Being called "Dark, lonely and reserved" is quite harsh, thank goodness it doesn't bother you. You are worthy of having healthy relationships. Don't let anyone make you feel unworthy. Don't sit in your own world, many people need you. You can volunteer your time helping someone else and helping spread God's kingdom on earth

I've always wondered whether I would ever be needed by anyone. While I see how many other people have made big strides, big accomplishments or are well known celebrity-wise, I often don't feel that I could make any kind of difference since I am not at that level. Its like, why bother if someone else has already done it? I would never be needed if that's the case.

I admit I often wonder why God made me in the first place, or whether He made a mistake creating me. Often a person doesn't make something if it has no purpose or use.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well I can guarantee you were no mistake. God does have a plan for your life. Not everyone can be like King David or Paul in the bible. Some people are created for smaller but not any less significant things than others. I have no great accomplishments, but I hope to someday. I think if I can just get my boys raised and thru college I will feel like I accomplished something.
I think we might be very surprised when we get to heaven and find out who we affected and how and when and all that. It's just like if you say hi to a stranger, you don't know if you are the first person that acknowledged them that day or what. So I don't think we will find out here, but in eternity we will. Just like Dan didn't know how many people he affected, but he is still affecting people. And if Dan had never been injured, some of us would have never known him or known of him.

 

[dayhiker]

ATV .. I can so relate to how your describing yourself. Doesn't sound like I was as much of a loner as you are but everything you said I have some of it.
I remember at the end of high school I was conscious that I was very self conscious about expressing things with my hands. So I started to observe how other people used their hands. Since other obviously use their hands I started to feel freer to use my hands to express what I was saying.
I've been in two large group meetings with two different GFs over the last month. Both GFs were conscious of how I didn't express myself in the larger group setting. It bothered them because one one with them they didn't see that at all. So this shyness and problems speaking in larger groups that I have is still effecting me enough to be noticed.

 

[scraparcs]

For the longest time, I joked that I wanted to have kids, but then I'd have to put up with another adult. I hope that for you, this may change. But remember, some of us are more solitary. That's not a mistake.

 

[Sir Robbins]

You are not alone my friend. I am very introverted as well. However, I am suffering physically and emotionally from being lonely year after year. My health is actually taking a toll because of my loneliness and my doctor and neurologist have confirmed this as triggers for my symptoms It puts me in pain and makes life worse... No one to talk to, to hold and worst is to be hospitalized and have no visitors I'm sure there are people that may manage without others but I actually feel as though I'm dying from it and it is showing medically now

 

[iambren]

Of course you would die without others when you were born. And you would probably die if you were not held and cuddled as a baby. And you would be fairly messed up if human touch was not part of your infant life....so,yes,we need others.

As adults there is a very,very small group of individuals that require little fellow interaction. One diagnosis is schizoid personality. However for most of us human interaction is a healthy,needed thing.