I'm new here, so hoping I am doing this right. I lost my dear husband to cancer on April 29, this year. He was 55, and I am 45. We were married for 9 years, but it seems like much longer, because we did everything together. We even carpooled and worked together in the same office for 8 years. We are true soulmates. I do and always will consider myself still married, he is just in another country, Heaven. There are some days that I really do not feel like I will survive this widowhood thing. It's been three months, and I find myself crying at least 20 times a day, maybe more. I joined a group called GriefShare, and I also started attending widows group at my church, both very helpful. I feel very alone, as people don't call any more. We did not have many friends, as we didn't really need a lot, since we had each other. However, the friends we did have seem to have disappeared from my life and are no longer comfortable with me, so I find myself needing to make a new set of friends. I miss my husband horribly. I am looking for a job, as I quit my job last year when we learned he had stage 4 cancer. I feel like I am in a rowboat, stranded in the middle of the ocean, drifting around with no oars....... where do I belong, what will I do? The only thing keeping me going is prayer, and prayer, and more prayer.
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Peace Be Still
- Thread starter twyladawn61
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Missinyou
Active Member
Hello twyladawn61. Welcome to the site..and if it's help you're looking for, you've come to the right spot.
You are doing at least one thing right...and that's praying... I found that to be the one thing that got me through some of those first hard days. I lost my wife of thirty years on June 4th, 2006 and those first months were really hard ones.
The "finality" issue was the hardest one to get over...and not sure I am over it yet...but it's not as earth shattering as it once was. It's one that will stop you right in the middle of a sentence and bring tears to your eyes...but it slowly subsides.
You speak of feeling like a rowboat floating around in the middle of the sea..I thought of it more like being tossed around...but those huge waves that seemed to never end...never did end...but they did subside to become mere ripples. Once in awhile a wave comes crashing in for some unseen reason, set off by something seen or something said, but it gets to where it recedes quickly too. I know that at this point, it seems like the world will never be a bearable place to be anymore..but it will get better as time goes on and you find more friends, as you will on this site. Find someone who understands what you are going through. Someone who listens to your sadness and never tires of your memories.
The one thing to remember is that He will get you through this, all you have to do is keep asking Him for help to make it one more day...and He will be there for you. And so will we.
May God bless you and help to ease your pain,
Missinyou
You are doing at least one thing right...and that's praying... I found that to be the one thing that got me through some of those first hard days. I lost my wife of thirty years on June 4th, 2006 and those first months were really hard ones.
The "finality" issue was the hardest one to get over...and not sure I am over it yet...but it's not as earth shattering as it once was. It's one that will stop you right in the middle of a sentence and bring tears to your eyes...but it slowly subsides.
You speak of feeling like a rowboat floating around in the middle of the sea..I thought of it more like being tossed around...but those huge waves that seemed to never end...never did end...but they did subside to become mere ripples. Once in awhile a wave comes crashing in for some unseen reason, set off by something seen or something said, but it gets to where it recedes quickly too. I know that at this point, it seems like the world will never be a bearable place to be anymore..but it will get better as time goes on and you find more friends, as you will on this site. Find someone who understands what you are going through. Someone who listens to your sadness and never tires of your memories.
The one thing to remember is that He will get you through this, all you have to do is keep asking Him for help to make it one more day...and He will be there for you. And so will we.
May God bless you and help to ease your pain,
Missinyou
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memoriesbymichelle
Senior Veteran
I am so sorry for your loss. We here are all widows/widowers and totally understand where you are coming from. We don't always understand or agree with God's plan, but we know he does have one for us. It will get easier as time goes on, but that will take time, lots and lots of time. And it seems that you have reached out in more than one area to get help and that in itself says alot about you. You will survive. It hurts like you know what, but we must go on. Your husband would not want you to stop living, as you would not want that for him if he were left here instead of you. One day at a time......just take it one day at a time......and cry as much as you want! Everyone grieves in their own way and everyone's time table is different. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.. Whatever you need to do....just give your feelings to God and HE will help you thru this. If we can help you in any way, I am confident that there are many members on here that will.
God Bless you. You have friends here.
God Bless you. You have friends here.
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Welcome to our site. It has been 9 months for me. My husband died very suddenly. I never had the chance to say good-bye.
Each day is a challenge, but I took the advice from my grief counselor to not make any changes or make any decisions for a year. I dropped off of the committees I was on at church, stopped teaching the women's studies, and just rested in the Lord. I never really understood the concept before this time of my life. Emotions run through you like a roller coaster. But, I feel as if I am curled up on the Lord's lap and letting his loving arms wrap around me and carry me through.
I am finally feeling like I can make sound decisions again. It hasn't been a year yet and I promised myself to rest for the full year, so getting restless now is hard. I'm not one to sit still for long.
I know what you mean about people disappearing from your life. People used to e-mail me, but now hardly anyone does. I talked to my grief counselor who said that everybody, and that means everybody, doesn't know how to handle death. So, the easiest thing to do is back away. I have actually started reaching out to people, trying to put them at east and I find that people are approaching me again. I have learned a lesson through this. Now, when someone is experiencing what I have been through, I am there for them and do not back away. I was guilty of doing that before.
Each day is a challenge, but I took the advice from my grief counselor to not make any changes or make any decisions for a year. I dropped off of the committees I was on at church, stopped teaching the women's studies, and just rested in the Lord. I never really understood the concept before this time of my life. Emotions run through you like a roller coaster. But, I feel as if I am curled up on the Lord's lap and letting his loving arms wrap around me and carry me through.
I am finally feeling like I can make sound decisions again. It hasn't been a year yet and I promised myself to rest for the full year, so getting restless now is hard. I'm not one to sit still for long.
I know what you mean about people disappearing from your life. People used to e-mail me, but now hardly anyone does. I talked to my grief counselor who said that everybody, and that means everybody, doesn't know how to handle death. So, the easiest thing to do is back away. I have actually started reaching out to people, trying to put them at east and I find that people are approaching me again. I have learned a lesson through this. Now, when someone is experiencing what I have been through, I am there for them and do not back away. I was guilty of doing that before.
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memoriesbymichelle
Senior Veteran
Hi JeanR,
I just wanted you to know that you were one of the first ones to welcome me to the site. I understand how you feel when you say that people used to email you but don't anymore. That happened to me too. At first everyone is concerned that you are OK and they check on you and try to support you best they can. Then I think that life just happens and they just get busy and think that you're OK by now. You're right about people not knowing what to say too. NOBODY I don't care who they are, can prepare enough for losing someone you love, even though you know you will see them again someday in eternity. Even though I have been thru it myself, I still sometimes don't know what to say either. I was reading something this morning that I thought I would share with you. It was a story about a girl that accidentally hit and killed a woman. The woman's husband, asked to meet the girl to make sure she knew that he wanted her to know and follow the Lord and that he wasn't angry with her. One of the things he told her was that even though the accident caught them by surprise, that God was not surprised at all and he knew she was coming home. I know you didn't get to say good-bye to Terry and I know you probably wish you had. I did have that opportunity, and it doesn't make it any easier. Just know that God knows all about all of us, past, present and future, and he cares about you just like he cares about all of us. I would like to offer myself to be a friend to you if you need one. I know it's hard and I understand. God Bless you!
I just wanted you to know that you were one of the first ones to welcome me to the site. I understand how you feel when you say that people used to email you but don't anymore. That happened to me too. At first everyone is concerned that you are OK and they check on you and try to support you best they can. Then I think that life just happens and they just get busy and think that you're OK by now. You're right about people not knowing what to say too. NOBODY I don't care who they are, can prepare enough for losing someone you love, even though you know you will see them again someday in eternity. Even though I have been thru it myself, I still sometimes don't know what to say either. I was reading something this morning that I thought I would share with you. It was a story about a girl that accidentally hit and killed a woman. The woman's husband, asked to meet the girl to make sure she knew that he wanted her to know and follow the Lord and that he wasn't angry with her. One of the things he told her was that even though the accident caught them by surprise, that God was not surprised at all and he knew she was coming home. I know you didn't get to say good-bye to Terry and I know you probably wish you had. I did have that opportunity, and it doesn't make it any easier. Just know that God knows all about all of us, past, present and future, and he cares about you just like he cares about all of us. I would like to offer myself to be a friend to you if you need one. I know it's hard and I understand. God Bless you!
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Thank you for your kind words, Michelle. I'm at a low point right now. I'm not sure what has brought this on, but my soul aches right now. I'm usually pretty optimistic, but I guess I have crashed. I know it will get better though.
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memoriesbymichelle
Senior Veteran
Well I'm here for you if you need a sounding board OK?
I will keep you in my prayers as well.
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Missinyou
Active Member
Jean, I think you have found one of those waves. I like to think of it as riding a surf board on he crest of a huge wave. Suddenly someone, or something, comes along and gives you that nudge over the edge and you start down...slowly picking up speed...till you're in a free fall into the depths of depression and sorrow and you finally hit bottom and you suddenly realize you are going to have to sink or swim, so you start slowly paddling your way to the crest of that wave again, shaking off the waves of sadness as you go...until you reach the high point again and you can see the sunlight and things are okay for awhile. You just kind of ride that crest....until something, or someone, comes along and gives you that nudge again...and down you go...and I think it will be this way for a long time and it will happen over...and over...and over again. And we can only hope and pray that it eventually becomes a lot less distance to the bottom of the waves, and it takes a lot less to paddle ourselves to the surface... We just have to make sure we keep deciding to swim, rather than sink.
You know I am here when ever you need a friend, Jean.
You know I am here when ever you need a friend, Jean.
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