Paying

[ElElena]

looks like this thread is forgotten for a time, too

 

[ImperialPhantom]

You should offer, but don't protest if he turns down your offer. For many guys it's a satisfaction to pay for the dates, and in this case, he would still get that satisfactionm while still not having to pay for you all the time.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

I think the guy should pay for the first few dates and then when its more than a casual thing and you're doing it regularly you cna take turns

 

[ElElena]

That's a nice idea -- There are still those fellows out there that don't mind showing they are good providers by taking care of their woman from the start and they show more strength of character by never allowing the woman to be the one to have to pay.

I see a man providing for his woman as a very strong point for the fact that he is showing her he can provide for her in the future, too. It is also important that he never makes her feel like she owes him anything -- Money cannot buy love.

 

[ElElena]

I sincerely feel as though it shows much weakness on the man's part if he expects the woman to pay.

It all depends on what kind of relationship they plan on sharing. If it's casual Christian friendship then things are different than if they are considering a stronger relationship.

 

[SergeAStrom]

Whether to pay for things on dates or not is so strange to me.

Before you read the first sentence in the next paragraph and think I'm in the wrong section you may want to know I am a widow. My husband died when he was kind of young.

When I met the man I married he paid for everything all the time. He wouldn't have had it any other way. He never expected anything in return for his doing what came natural for him to do. He never complained about it and he paid for things for all the women he dated before me, too. Like I said it was natural.

The Word of God says that a man should be a good provider. If a man does not provide for his own he is worse than an infidel.

A pastor's wife told me that women should be taught to look for a good provider.

If every date is a possible mate and I heard that phrase in church how is a woman going to know if the man is a good provider if he isn't willing to provide on dates?

I know it's a new day and age. I heard about girls paying for their own way when I was in high school. It just doesn't seem right in serious relationships.

Since my husband's death I have dated and I share paying for dates. It really doesn't bother me immensely but I don't think a woman should ever be EXPECTED to pay for dates unless she isn't seriously interested in the man.

It seems to be an insult to a real man to have the woman pay for things if he asked her out. It would seem a woman is taking advantage of a man if she lets him pay for things if she's gotten to know him and she isn't interested in him in a serious way.

Just the thoughts I have this morning. These thoughts can be altered as I learn more about dating again after years of marriage.

Oh yeah..... I do believe the man should pay for the first date if he asked her out.

ROFl

 

[SergeAStrom]

I think the guy should pay for the first few dates and then when its more than a casual thing and you're doing it regularly you cna take turns

Why the delay in equality?

 

[SergeAStrom]

I sincerely feel as though it shows much weakness on the man's part if he expects the woman to pay.

It all depends on what kind of relationship they plan on sharing. If it's casual Christian friendship then things are different than if they are considering a stronger relationship.

So you are saying that if the prospect of intimate realtaions is not present then they both should pay, but if the prospect of intimate relations is present the man should pay. Sound a great deal like hooking to me.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

So you are saying that if the prospect of intimate realtaions is not present then they both should pay, but if the prospect of intimate relations is present the man should pay. Sound a great deal like hooking to me.

Huh - interesting conclusion as I never saw the word intimate mentioned once in ElElena's post...

 

[Luther073082]

I would ask him about it but don't worry too much about it yet.

Eventually though after enough dates I would say it would be good for you to actually come up with a date and take him out or even if he asks you just tell him that this time you want to pay.

As a guy I expect to pay for the first few dates, but I really would worry if I had been seeing her for a while and she never offered to pay for them.

So second date I wouldn't worry. 5th date I'd start asking about it. 10th date I'd insist on it.

But it is probably a good idea to ask just in case.

That's a nice idea -- There are still those fellows out there that don't mind showing they are good providers by taking care of their woman from the start and they show more strength of character by never allowing the woman to be the one to have to pay.

I see a man providing for his woman as a very strong point for the fact that he is showing her he can provide for her in the future, too. It is also important that he never makes her feel like she owes him anything -- Money cannot buy love.

I'm going to disagree with this completely.

I expect to pay for the first few dates, but when you've been going together a while, this is the modern world and women do work. If women want to be equal in every way they need to start acting like it.

It bothers me though that a lot of times it seems to me that women want all the good things they got from the feminist revolution but none of the negatives. Yeah I want to be equal and go to work and get the same pay, and never have to submit to a man or be under the authority of a man, and do all the same jobs, etc etc etc. Totally 100% equal. . . UNTIL a girl has to pay or a girl has to ask out a guy, or the draft comes up. . . then they fall back on tradition and the guy has to do it all.

There was an interview with very active feminist and she had to remain anonymous because of what she was saying. But she basically said that feminists belive that "Whoever asks pays" but she said that almost all of them use this to try to make them look equal when really they arn't because they infact never ask a guy out so therefore they never pay.

Alright sorry I went on a rant there.

 

[innerlink]

My opinions (don't take offense, just trying to give u honest advice)

I've had girls insist on paying...

As in, she treated the first three times, I offered to treat the fourth, and she still insisted on paying for both of us that time too.

If you want a good guy to settle down with, he seems to qualify.
If you want a guy to be in love with, get a guy who doesn't have to compensate by paying for everything.

 

[hypnotism]

Equality means sharing expenses. There is nothing romantic about paying for someones company. It is demeaning to both parties if only one of them pays. IMO

 

[simpletrust]

If a gentleman is asking a lady out on a date, I think it is expected that he pick up the tab.

Now, I think this has to start changing once this goes from dates to a relationship. At that point, I think it is fair for the parties to split checks, alternate who pays, pay on their own tabs, etc.... But during the initial dating phase, I think it is perfectly fine to assume the guy is going to pay and even to expect it.

Coach

Coach, I like your way of thinking on this. This is how I imagine things should go as well.

I expect to pay for the first few dates, but when you've been going together a while, this is the modern world and women do work.

I agree with you that things should change in a relationship, paying wise, once you've been together a while (or at least be reviewed somehow.)

But isn't it true that although women do work, they receive lower salaries or something, on average... I've heard some statistic but I can't for the life of me remember, so if someone knows feel free to correct me.

If women want to be equal in every way they need to start acting like it.

What about women who don't want to be equal in "every" way? Doesn't that depend on someone's idea of what equal means? Equal in what?

 

[SH89]

Paying the tab for your female date is potentially a good investment, in my opinion.

I think it's expected for guys to pay, but after 4-5 dates I think it would be rude for the girl NOT to offer.