pathetic

[Brandlynn]

Due to somethings that I am going through right now that I went through with my ex, I just want to know a few questions to make sure that I am not crazy.



1. Does anyone know what I am speaking of when I say "the look" in some people's eyes right before they draw back to either try to kill you or to beat the daylights out of you?

2. Does anyone find that the worst part about being pushed around and beat is that it hurts more emotionally than physically.

3. Does anyone find that they are scared of the person that is abusive to them?

4. Has anyone else got in the car and fled for fear of their lives?

5. Is what you feel inside just as real as what you are feeling on the outside?

6. Has anyone been binned to the wall by your throat and found yourself praying for just one more day to live?

7. Is everything all your fault?

8. Does the abusive one tell you that you are holding grudges if you are scared of them and they find out about it?

9. What are the things that a woman does to deserve to be hit, pushed around or cussed out for?

10. Is it unusual for that person to be so controlling that you can't even go to the bathroom without him being there?

11. Do they wait til you are sick and/or weak physically to do their dirty number?

12. Will anyone be willing to be a listening ear to me?

13. Why do I deserve this? He tells me that I deserve everything that I get. Is this true?

 

[mjmcmillan]

Been there. Done that. Got the bloody Tee-shirt. (I was hit in the face and my nose got broken, that's how the Tee-shirt got bloody.)

Just flip the sexes around and it could have been me asking those very questions a year and a half ago. Sufficient to say that when I left our three-bedroom flat to go to my sister's place under emergency conditions in early March of '09, I knew it was over and done and there was no going back.

No, you're not crazy. I might change my mind on that if you go back for more of the same as you've been getting, but if you're out of it now then that's what counts. There's a lot of us from both sexes who have been abused by spouses, and it's common for the abuser to blame the abused for all the problems. Check out "Domestic Violence" on your favorite search engine and see that you're not alone on any of the things you've mentioned.

 

[Brandlynn]

I want this marriage to work out. I really do. So, yes, I may be nuts. Shad deserves a good daddy and mama. Cody loves Shad and Shad loves him. I am trying to get him to go for Marriage counseling, but I am not sure that I will master it.

 

[puregrl]

1. Yes..many times I have seen that look and thought that i was just about to take my last breath
2. That is what makes it so damaging..outward wounds heal so easily and quickly..inward ones can take years to heal and sometimes never really do fully heal
3. Of course we are scared of them..they feed off of that fear sometimes
4. Yes, I ran for my life and moved to a safehouse in another state
5. Not really sure how to answer that one
6. Quite a few times.
7. No sweetie, everything is not all your fault. He wants you to believe that it is your fault..you started it, you deserve it. It is his way of controlling you. But never believe it. You do not make him hit you, you do not take his hands and wrap them around your throat...that is all him, his decision, his reaction, his fault
8. Yes he did that to, it was his way of trying to make me forget about it and just move on, act like it is nothing.
9. Nothing, there is never, NEVER a reason a women should be abused
10. He sounds not only controlling but obsessive
11. My guy did not do that, and i am so sorry that that has happened to you
12. Yes
13. Of course it is not true, you do not deserve any abuse he lashes out on you, ever. I know the feeling of thinking "ya, if i only made the food that way or didnt say that word then i would not have gotten beaten last night" but you know what I realized? He did it out of his own will, i did not make him.

No Brandlynn, you are not nuts for wanting your marriage to work out. There is nothing wrong with wanting a good marriage. But from how it sounds, this is not a good marriage. it is destructive and can destroy you in the end. Your husband may be good to your children, but is he good to you? You do have to think about your safety and sanity as well as your children. If he wants to save the marriage you will both need individual counseling. Him for getting help with anger and expressing it the right way, and you for recovery. You can do counseling together but if you do not get individual counseling you can find yourself falling into a black hole over time.
Please feel free to message me at anytime.