pathetic parent!

[Amanda06]

I need some advice. My husband and I usually get along pretty well. But the other night our 3 and half year old was about to go to bed. My husband says to me, " you can put the baby to bed tonight. Its fun to watch. Its so pathetic how you can't get him to listen to you. Your a disaster."
What the heck! I haven't spoken to him in 2 days. I even skipped band practice at church so I wouldn't have to talk to him or hang out with him. I am so hurt and let me tell you first of all my husband is NEVER wrong and will never appologize. I just don't know what to do. HELP

 

[bibi226]

Amanda,

I'm sure you were angry. I would just communicate with my husband, that I did not like his comment. If you think you can handle his critizism, you might also ask why he thinks that you are a "disaster". However both of you need to talk it over and not just ignore the situation. You might not ever get an apology, but at least you can have some closure on that situation. Hope I was of some help!!

 

[Amanda06]

It not the first time that he has called me a disaster when it comes to our 3 yr old son. Our son just listens to his father better than anyone. He knows that he can get away with a little more with me. So it take me a little longer to get things done with him. But that's all if any one should have a problem it should be me not my husband.

 

[seige]

I guess I have to ask, what if you are a disaster? I mean no offense by it but it sounds like he was maybe ribbing you a little because you let your son get away with so much. In that case, does he need to apologize to you? Does he need to "take it back" if he was speaking the truth? I'll agree that he should apologize b/c it hurt your feelings (sorry it was harsh or sorry it hurt your feelings, not sorry he said it at all).

Not speaking to him is really unhealthy. If you have a problem you need to deal with it. I promise that it won't be the last thing he says that hurts your feelings, we all do it, all the time. Grant him grace and an opportunity to make it right- even if he is wrong.

Just my .02

 

[Amanda06]

No I don't think that I let him get away with that much. Its just that I have to tell him a couple of times to do something when my husband only has to tell him once, maybe twice. I am a very good parent. Everyone else thinks so. And so do I.
I asked him tonight to appologize and he said no way. He didn't care if I were talking to him or not. So I told him we couldn't live like this and to get his things and get out. My husband doesn't care. He is NEVER wrong. He had no feelings. So I guess we will see what happens.

 

[Leanna]

Wow.... him talking to you that way is not acceptable, ever, no matter if he is "right" or not.

 

[seige]

... I'm sure that's grounds for a separation and divorce Biblically. It sounds like this was just the straw...

1. Seek counseling.
2. Don't give up on the marriage.

I'm not saying you are a bad mom. As an outsider with the information given this does seem a bit ridiculous.

 

[bliz]

Arrange for counseling. His behavior is simply wrong, wrong, wrong, and if he will not go to counseling and if he will not change his behavior, you are better off being divorced. I'm serious.

If things continue as they have been, you will soon have both your husband and your son treating you badly. I find it interesting that your husband finds it acceptable to stay silent while his son misbehaves. This is an indication that he does not love his son or his wife.

 

[Easyk]

i agree you need counselling.. if i spke to me wife mean way i would have me head on a platter <figuratively speaking>.. that is when you are alone and the kids cant hear then you can be constructive towards each other.

but also it is the fact that your son knows if dad speaks i better listen or get in trouble there are no second/third chances..

get counselling..

follow thru with you threats...

eg. go clean your room.. <childs doesnt listen> you say 1, 2, 3 <at three put child on chair at least 5 min. get child off chair and instruct again to go do their chore.. wont take long and he/she will be listening too you./

 

[jennyren]

Start speaking to your husband, he probably feels sorry for hurting your feelings and was just trying to express his frustration with the way your son behaves. If you know he as trouble apologizing because he's too proud just forgive it and forget it. It's too small an offence to put your marriage on the line.

I too have a husband who feels I'm an incompetant parent and expresses his frusteration all the time. I'll just keep doing what I know how to do until God shows me otherwise. In my husbands case he feels like he has no control over the kids either so he just feels better when he can point out my inadequacies. I can either get mad or I can forgive and forget. I don't need him to feel good about myself. But I do enjoy his company so I keep him around.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

It not the first time that he has called me a disaster when it comes to our 3 yr old son. Our son just listens to his father better than anyone. He knows that he can get away with a little more with me. So it take me a little longer to get things done with him. But that's all if any one should have a problem it should be me not my husband.

This is really fairly common - they do listen better to dad. He's bigger and louder, most times. And he won't put up with what we find to be their cute little antics.

Every mom I know has talked about having to tell the kids to do something 2 or 3 times before they actually do it. They do it when they hear that tone of voice that means we are serious. Dad's are already at that level on the first order.

That said, think about whether or not in 10 years you still want to have to tell him things 2 or 3 times before he moves. I recommend James Dobson's "The New Strong-Willed Child." I have been reading and implementing with The Little Prince (my own 3 year old). It's going pretty well, so far, except when he's overtired at which point nothing works.

If your husband was joking, that would be one thing. However, from what you've posted it sounds like he was being extremely derogatory and nasty to you. Not a good thing - without some counseling that's not likely to improve. And as a poster above pointed out, your son will learn to talk to you the same way (and any women in his future, I might add).

 

[Autumnleaf]

You don't need counseling. You need to say, 'Since I'm such a disaster at this I'll sit down and watch you do it so I can take some notes.' Then sit down and watch your husband. By doing this you are agreeing with him and putting him on the spot. You can't lose and he will probably think twice about ribbing you for this again.

edit:

During my first two years of marriage I can see myself saying something like this to my wife, which is probably why we fought so much back then.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

During my first two years of marriage I can see myself saying something like this to my wife, which is probably why we fought so much back then.

At least you lived to tell the tale. Are you missing any vital parts?

 

[Gods4me]

thats really shocking. how are things now.. have you done the counciling thing?

i cant get our 2 year old to bed some nights myself kids dont want to go to bed (i think they know that mummy just wants to cuddle them all night)

he has to be sorry he souldnt say things like that to you. its out of order.

you should get some help.

i hope its not but it could be the start of emotoinal abuse. take care and be safe.
god bless

 

[Boppingub5]

The husband is the head of the family. With that in mind if he thinks that your a disaster then maybe you are. Maybe you should try harder to provide a good firm parental order for your child and then maybe you husband will allow you to be more of a parent to the children and not just entertainment.