Past sins are destroying my ambition to serve

[blindbat96]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

I've been wrestling with the idea of serving in ministry since I was a kid. I was saved at the age of 11 or 12. However, when I turned 18, I had a period of several years where I did what I wanted when I wanted, even though I knew it was wrong. I paid for it in abundance in both guilt and discipline.

I've been rebuilding my relationship with God for 4 years now, and recently it's gotten even better. The past 4 years I've been considering (and mostly ignoring) the idea of helping teach a Sunday school class. Then came the desire to maybe one day preach. I don't know what the Lord has for me but I have this burning desire to do something.

However now that I'm trying to talk to my local pastors, research the process and qualifications, and put a genuine honest foot forward, I've become overwhelmed with the knowledge of my own sin. I feel like a wet rat crawling to the Almighty saying "hey I know I've done all this horrible stuff but here I am now." And it kills me. Is there any point or hope of me being any use now?

Jesus said "If you hate your brother you have killed him in your heart." I know I've done that.

"If you look at a woman with lust you have committed adultery with her." Check that box. I truly feel like the chief of sinners sometimes.

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants, but I don't want to serve in an unworthy manner. Is there any advice or Biblical perspective on these issues?

 

[AlexB23]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

I've been wrestling with the idea of serving in ministry since I was a kid. I was saved at the age of 11 or 12. However, when I turned 18, I had a period of several years where I did what I wanted when I wanted, even though I knew it was wrong. I paid for it in abundance in both guilt and discipline.

I've been rebuilding my relationship with God for 4 years now, and recently it's gotten even better. The past 4 years I've been considering (and mostly ignoring) the idea of helping teach a Sunday school class. Then came the desire to maybe one day preach. I don't know what the Lord has for me but I have this burning desire to do something.

However now that I'm trying to talk to my local pastors, research the process and qualifications, and put a genuine honest foot forward, I've become overwhelmed with the knowledge of my own sin. I feel like a wet rat crawling to the Almighty saying "hey I know I've done all this horrible stuff but here I am now." And it kills me. Is there any point or hope of me being any use now?

Jesus said "If you hate your brother you have killed him in your heart." I know I've done that.

"If you look at a woman with lust you have committed adultery with her." Check that box. I truly feel like the chief of sinners sometimes.

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants, but I don't want to serve in an unworthy manner. Is there any advice or Biblical perspective on these issues?

Can you elaborate on your past sins? As long as you are not a creep, then it will be okay, as God forgives and helps us with past sins.

@FreeinChrist or @Daniel9v9 , am I allowed to answer this guy's question, or is this for ministers only?

 

[blindbat96]

Can you elaborate on your past sins? As long as you are not a creep, then it will be okay, as God forgives and helps us with past sins.

@FreeinChrist or @Daniel9v9 , am I allowed to answer this guy's question, or is this for ministers only?

If you're asking if it's anything illegal, then no nothing like that. I point specifically to fornication that I feel bothers me the most.

 

[AlexB23]

If you're asking if it's anything illegal, then no nothing like that. I point specifically to fornication that I feel bothers me the most.

Good. Just making sure. Well, there is nothing wrong with intercourse between you and your wife.

 

[Paidiske]

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants, but I don't want to serve in an unworthy manner. Is there any advice or Biblical perspective on these issues?

There's nobody in ministry who doesn't come with a history of sin. The specifics might look different, but each of us has sins in our past, and indeed in our present, that might cripple us with shame if we focussed on them. I think the key is to find a balance; to be able to be real and honest about our sin, and to work to overcome it as best we can, but also to see that God's grace is bigger than our sin.

I've been ordained ten years. I'm not perfect. But I'm here. I've responded to God's call and put myself at God's disposal and God is using me. In the end, it's God who works through us, despite our unworthiness. We will mess up at times, but we can do so confident that God's got this.

So; should you even try? If you believe God is calling you to this, wouldn't it only be worse to try to refuse? Consider this: just how big do you reckon the fish in the other direction might be, and are you prepared to be swallowed by it?

 

[Unqualified]

Guilt is not of the Lord. Take it captive and let it flow by, down and out and away every time it happens so it won’t stop you from what your heart and God desires. Your smart use the tools God gave you. It’s a fight. God can use anyone He chooses. Just persevere. he graces you support yourself. The blessing of the Holy Spirit is worth it.

 

[Bobber]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

Well let's see if we can break that and smash that right now.

I feel like a wet rat crawling to the Almighty saying "hey I know I've done all this horrible stuff but here I am now."

You might be surprised to know God might be saying to you what horrible stuff? Didn't you confess those sins and didn't I say I'd forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness 1 Jn 1:9 ....take the UN off of unrighteousness and what do you have....RIGHTOUESNEES that is the righteousness of God in Christ. Didn't I tell you I'd remember your sins no more? Heb 8:12 Didn't I tell you come boldly to the throne of Grace and find grace and mercy to help in time of need? Heb 4:6

Remember, remember, remember it's because of his precious blood that he can see you with a clean slate. Here's the thing with you. Don't commit a worse sin now then what you did before. What do I mean? I mean Jesus has dealt with your past sins...he said he would and did.....he either cleansed you from all unrighteousness or he did not . God news....HE DID! He longs to restore his wayward children but if they treat lightly the power of the blood of Jesus they keep themselves in the place of condemnation.

Rise up friend and say NO to the devil and be bold and full of joy thanking God continually that you believe he kept his word. Always know too and realize God sees the sorry mess ALL OF HIS CHILDREN make at times so if God was going to be down on you he'd have to be down about EVERYBODY. Ah....maybe not me but everybody else....(just kidding)

And it kills me. Is there any point or hope of me being any use now?

Well....good news....not just hope....but a solid, absolute faith stronger then just hope for Jesus keeps his word. You can take it to the bank, it's a surety, there isn't even a shadow of a doubt about it God is the restorer of those who repent. Don't allow the devil nor even your natural mind tell you anything different.

Jesus said "If you hate your brother you have killed him in your heart." I know I've done that.

Stop having more faith in your past sin and not more in the blood of Jesus which blots out and cleanses.

"If you look at a woman with lust you have committed adultery with her." Check that box. I truly feel like the chief of sinners sometimes.

Yes....but will you honor God and bring joy to his heart that you'll accept God's assessment at what his blood has done and will do after you've confessed your sin?

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants,

Do both maybe. Be in ministry but clean the toilets from time to time. It might help keep you humble. God Bless you friend.

 

[CoreyD]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

I've been wrestling with the idea of serving in ministry since I was a kid. I was saved at the age of 11 or 12. However, when I turned 18, I had a period of several years where I did what I wanted when I wanted, even though I knew it was wrong. I paid for it in abundance in both guilt and discipline.

I've been rebuilding my relationship with God for 4 years now, and recently it's gotten even better. The past 4 years I've been considering (and mostly ignoring) the idea of helping teach a Sunday school class. Then came the desire to maybe one day preach. I don't know what the Lord has for me but I have this burning desire to do something.

However now that I'm trying to talk to my local pastors, research the process and qualifications, and put a genuine honest foot forward, I've become overwhelmed with the knowledge of my own sin. I feel like a wet rat crawling to the Almighty saying "hey I know I've done all this horrible stuff but here I am now." And it kills me. Is there any point or hope of me being any use now?

Jesus said "If you hate your brother you have killed him in your heart." I know I've done that.

"If you look at a woman with lust you have committed adultery with her." Check that box. I truly feel like the chief of sinners sometimes.

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants, but I don't want to serve in an unworthy manner. Is there any advice or Biblical perspective on these issues?

Heeeeyyy BlindBat.
You are among the billions that are plagued by God ???Did I actually write that? I don't even know what I meant to say there, and feel unworthy. Welcome to the club.
Though it won't necessarily be easy to get over these feelings, since your conscience will beat you from time to time... which is good, because it indicates, it's working.
You just need to do these four things:

1. Learn from and remember Bible examples. 2 Kings 21:1-18; 2 Chronicles 33:13
2. Remember God's ways and trust him. 1 John 3:19, 20
3. Draw close to God. James 4:8-10
4. Get to know God's will, and do it. Matthew 7:21

Once you take these four steps, you'll be good.
David did these, and he was good after his terrible sins. 2 Samuel 11:1-27; Psalm 51:1-19

 

[Richard T]

There are some good posts in here. Yes, you are forgiven, the condemnation is not from God. Paul was forgiven and he was a chief sinner. You think the prodigal son was not well-received? God is faithful and just to forgive. Faithful in that he will do it, just in that the blood of Jesus has satisfied your punishment. You can't ask for more love and restoration from God's side. Praise God that He is calling you and see how far it can go.

 

[oikonomia]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

Don't you know that God is bound by His own righteousness to forgive and forget your paid for sins ?
Whether He likes you or does not like you He is obligated by His own righteousness to forgive and forget about
your past sins if you have believed into Christ.

I want you to pay close attention to the words "faithful and RIGHTEOUS . . . and RIGHTEOUS . . . and RIGHTEOUS" in this verse.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

God is merciful, kind and forebearing. But in this passage it mentions not His mercy but His RIGHTEOUSNESS.
It is the righteous thing for Him to do to totally obsolve you of guilt. Righteousness and justice are the foundation of God's administration, the base of His throne. (Psalm 89:14)

It is righteousness of God to forgive you. Because of Christ's redemptive death it is a matter of God being true to His
own righteous being. Righteousness is the foundation of His throne. And it would be unrigthteous of God to not
forgive you who have come to Christ believing in Him.

Time does not cleanse your sins.
Your groveling does not cleanse your sins.
Your regret nor self pity does not cleanse your sins.
Nor does a long time cleanse you of your sins.

It is the blood of God's Son which destroys the record of your sins.
Your sins were not overlooked. They were paid for at Calvary on the cross of Jesus.

So do not consider it humility to continue to listen to the whispering blame of Satan.
Rather rejoice that he who is forgiven much also loves much.
And remember that when you are offended by others.
That the same precious cleansing blood shed for you is also powerful towards your enemies.

But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from every sin. (1 John 1:7)

 

[eleos1954]

Good afternoon, I'm a 28 year old man, married with a nine month old daughter, and I feel so beaten by my own guilt I don't know what to do.

I've been wrestling with the idea of serving in ministry since I was a kid. I was saved at the age of 11 or 12. However, when I turned 18, I had a period of several years where I did what I wanted when I wanted, even though I knew it was wrong. I paid for it in abundance in both guilt and discipline.

I've been rebuilding my relationship with God for 4 years now, and recently it's gotten even better. The past 4 years I've been considering (and mostly ignoring) the idea of helping teach a Sunday school class. Then came the desire to maybe one day preach. I don't know what the Lord has for me but I have this burning desire to do something.

However now that I'm trying to talk to my local pastors, research the process and qualifications, and put a genuine honest foot forward, I've become overwhelmed with the knowledge of my own sin. I feel like a wet rat crawling to the Almighty saying "hey I know I've done all this horrible stuff but here I am now." And it kills me. Is there any point or hope of me being any use now?

Jesus said "If you hate your brother you have killed him in your heart." I know I've done that.

"If you look at a woman with lust you have committed adultery with her." Check that box. I truly feel like the chief of sinners sometimes.

Should I even try? I'll scrub the church bathrooms if that's what God wants, but I don't want to serve in an unworthy manner. Is there any advice or Biblical perspective on these issues?

When you are forgiven by God .. accept it. That is how one is able to move on from their past.

All have sinned ... including all pastors.

God don't hold our forgiven sins over our head ... but we often do because one we are very conscious of our depravity and two satan keeps bringing our past sins to our minds to make us feel unworthy and to harbor guilt.

Accept God's forgiveness and go forward serving Him in a worthy manner .... going backwards serves no good purpose.

 

[Bobber]

Don't you know that God is boundby His own righteousness to forgivev and forget your paid for sins ?
Whether He likes you or does not like you He is obligated by His own righteousness to forgive and forget about
your past sins if you have believed into Christ.

I want you to pay close attention to the words "faithful and RIGHTEOUS . . . and RIGHTEOUS . . . and RIGHTEOUS" in this verse.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

God is merciful, kind and forebearing. But in this passage it mentions not His mercy but His RIGHTEOUSNESS.
It is the righteous thing for Him to do to totally obsolve you of guilt. Righteousness and justice are the foundation of God's administration, the base of His throne. (Psalm 89:14)

It is righteousness of God to forgive you. Because of Christ's redemptive death it is a matter of God being true to His
own righteous being. Righteousness is the foundation of His throne. And it would be unrigthteous of God to not
forgive you who have come to Christ believing in Him.

Time does not cleanse your sins.
Your groveling does not cleanse your sins.
Your regret nor self pity does not cleanse your sins.
Nor does a long time cleanse you of your sins.

It is the blood of God's Son which destroys the record of your sins.
Your sins were not overlooked. They were paid for at Calvary on the cross of Jesus.

So do not consider it humility to continue to listen to the whispering blame of Satan.
Rather rejoice that he who is forgiven much also loves much.
And remember that when you are offended by others.
That the same precious cleansing blood shed for you is also powerful towards your enemies.

But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from every sin. (1 John 1:7)

Excellent post!

 

[tall73]

2 Corinthians 7:9-10 9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.
10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (ESV)