Partial grieving

[5kidsdad]

FW, we have began the arrangements for an amicable split. We will split the parenting, they will live with her more, but I will not be too far from the 5 short people that I am blessed with as children. I am going to be getting my own place soon, so I will be moving from family to truly alone. However, I will get to see the kids more often, and even have them with me during the week. Where I am,I am entitled to that at least 1 night per week. This is, for now, what we have agreed to. I will still provide support, and the kids will have an opportunity to choose to live with me at the right age. So I am going to start "enjoying (is that the right word?) my alone-ness." We begin to put in all in writting soon...hopefully it will all work out. It's been a while since I have tried to outfit a place of my own...might be fun. Card tables, folding lawn chairs, inflatable matresses...cool, aye? (For all our Canadian friends...LOL!)

5kd

5kd

 

[captiveheart]

Some years after I divorced, I was talking to a Christian brother about some experiences I had encountered with dating Christian women. He warned me that if I let myself get involved sexually with a woman that they would interpret it as just one step away from marriage. When he told me this, something in my spirit just resonated and I decided to make sure I didn't fall into anything like that.

Well, I was really good at keeping a proper distance. I actually had one lady I dated tell me that I must be gay. Another asked my sister why I didn't like her. I had 3 women at different times over the 10+ years I was single, partially undress with no prompting from me. Things like that never happened to me when I was not serving the Lord so it always seemed to me to be a sign that these ladies were not the ones that God had prepared me for. Sure it was tempting and remember I was single for a long, long, long time after my divorce.

Wow, if I had given into the carnal desires, I could have gotten hooked up with the wrong person so easily. I'm so glad that God honored my desire to wait for the one he had prepared me for, the one that I would feel complete 1Cor:13 love for.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

So far I have kept this woman back to an "email" relationship/friendship. She has talked pretty sexual though. Besides the pain in my stomach over missing my ex...

You want a godly woman and you're flirting with danger with this lady instead. Isn't it obvious this isn't a godly woman? Flee from temptation. You have already taken the first step to sin by entertaining the thought of sin with her. Read James.

You are still in love with your ex and the question I have after reading your posts is should you have divorced in the first place? Did you initiate? Do you have Biblical grounds to divorce? You shouldn't even entertain the thought of someone new while reconciliation is a possibility.

I separated more than 10 years ago and have been divorced for 5. I have wanted to be married for 5 years and it is hard. My first post-divorce bf seemed to be a "God thing", but it wasn't. He was very strict with boundaries so there were no problems in that area. I didn't have any boundaries in place so the next two relationships included slipping farther and farther and eventually me having to be quite adamant that things were not going all the way and then arguments because somehow they thought they were entitled to this marriage benefit.

I want a godly man so I am trying to learn how to be a more godly woman. My last two bfs and plenty of dates showed no concern about my spiritual walk and purity which should've told me that they weren't the right man to lead my family spiritually. My dating pool is getting much smaller because of what I'm looking for, but hopefully it will make the right one much more evident. My last two bfs talked about marriage way too soon and that and the physical component really made the splits more painful and caused regret. This isn't how God wants us to treat others. You shouldn't be thinking first how to get what you think you need. Consider the other person, their walk and your testimony.

If you aren't plugged into a vital church this would be a good time to go shopping. You need to be accountable to other Christian men which means some type of group, not just church on Sunday.

I am going through some growth right now and I hope this is part of the path that was needed before God thought I was ready for marriage???? Or those relationships I was in might've kept me from the right relationship? Don't get messed up in a mess that is hard to get out of because of the sexual need. Those are crappy lessons to learn.

I felt very led to my new church, I'm going through a 7 week class there and started a 10 week small group through my single's church. I went to a seminar about finding Mr. Right and it came in handy on the next date I had. Still, the attention was nice so I praised God that some things were revealed to me that made sure I didn't go out with him again. I asked God to help me. I relieve believe He answers these prayers for direction when we're willing to listen.

 

[iambren]

You are still in love with your ex and the question I have after reading your posts is should you have divorced in the first place? Did you initiate? Do you have Biblical grounds to divorce? You shouldn't even entertain the thought of someone new while reconciliation is a possibility.

I understand where you're coming from. On my honeymoon my wife began shrinking from me emotionally,then slowly rejecting me sexually, to being absent intimately in either way. On top of that she seemed to hate me for no reason and denigrate me. I'm not a monster and deserve none of this. In fact years into the marriage she when rejecting said "Don't take it personally,it has nothing to do with you". So I had a marriage with put-downs,no love,no sex. Either I was defrauded or abandoned so I left. It's true, I still love my wife,have not divorced emotionally. She is not a monster either, good employee and mother, even good socially with me as a FRIEND only. She doesn't run with men or express a need for another relationship. I felt the abandonment of I Corinth 7 applied, I do not feel convicted about divorcing. But mentally/emotionally I have not healed and I tell this other woman to not expect intimacy from me. It's a walk of faith. If God heals my wife's tortured soul, GREAT. If I drift further,grieve over the loss and fall in love with a suitable mate that's ok too.