Parents

[Steezie]

I had a big long talk with my friend about parents and family today.

I dont have a good relationship with either of my parents. My father is a very heavy drinker and my mother is rather neurotic about certain things.

One of the things that me and my friend talked about was the idea that I needed to have a good relationship or atleast A relationship with my parents simply because they are my parents.

So do you think you should have an obligatory relationship or you should try to have a good relationship with your parents for no other reason than they are your parents?

 

[Voegelin]

For your own sake it helps later in life to have let your parent (s) know you don't hold it against them. And it is good for them too in the long run. People are messed up. No one has kids thinking "Let's have a kid and make his live miserable". I least I think no one does.

From what you describe, having a good relationship now might consist of you taking care of yourself and doing what you can to see things don't get worse. Three people are involved (maybe more). No matter what you do, a better relationship might not occur and that is not your fault.

Al-Anon and Alateen have been helpful to many. Often a person around someone who drinks thinks they themselves are the problem. Have you checked them out?

 

[Steezie]

For your own sake it helps later in life to have let your parent (s) know you don't hold it against them. And it is good for them too in the long run. People are messed up. No one has kids thinking "Let's have a kid and make his live miserable". I least I think no one does.

From what you describe, having a good relationship now might consist of you taking care of yourself and doing what you can to see things don't get worse. Three people are involved (maybe more). No matter what you do, a better relationship might not occur and that is not your fault.

Al-Anon and Alateen have been helpful to many. Often a person around someone who drinks thinks they themselves are the problem. Have you checked them out?

The first step to helping an addiction is admitting you have a problem. That would make him wrong. And existance would come to a screeching halt if that happened. My father is one of those righteous jerks who will dig his heels in if for no other reason than to irritate you.

Probably where I got it from and probably why we dont get along.

Why is it better for me to have a relationship with my parents? I have a pretty good life currently and parents are a very tiny slice of that particular pie

 

[Voegelin]

Don't know that it is.

Speaking generically and not to your specific situation:

It is better to know after they are gone however that they knew you didn't hate them for what they were and tried. Seen people hold grudges which chewed them up and then, when it was too late, wish they had extended that last bit of forgiveness.

Those groups I mentioned are not for the person who drinks but those affected by who drink. Not everyone finds them useful but many do.

 

[quatona]

I had a big long talk with my friend about parents and family today.

I dont have a good relationship with either of my parents. My father is a very heavy drinker and my mother is rather neurotic about certain things.

One of the things that me and my friend talked about was the idea that I needed to have a good relationship or atleast A relationship with my parents simply because they are my parents.

So do you think you should have an obligatory relationship or you should try to have a good relationship with your parents for no other reason than they are your parents?

If you don´t mind, I´d like to change the focus a little.
In my experience and observation, the actual issue is that you do - necessarily and inevitably - have a relationship with your parents, and a strong and special one at that. Your parents and this relationship have power over you, and all the problems you haven´t solved in this relationship will keep returning to you (with other persons, in other situations).
I personally think that it is more reasonable and economic to face and deal with problems at their roots.

 

[ElvisFan42]

I think Voegelin is on the right track with this. It won't be easy for you to let go of your current feelings, but someone has to step up to the plate and be the bigger person if the situation is to improve. Obviously, you want a better relationship, or you simply would have dismissed your friends suggestion. Your parents must have done something right, they raised you, and you care enough. You MUST open communications with them, this probably will not be easy. All I can tell you defintively is that every single person I know that did not create a relationship with parents they felt was not what it should be, regretted it when their parents were gone. No one is perfect, not my parents, not yours, not you or me. As a parent, I would do almost anything if my daughter felt our relationship was not what it should be. You owe it to yourself to make this what you think it should be.

 

[Arnold_Philips]

Good advice in here, so far.

 

[WingsOfTheNeophyte]

So do you think you should have an obligatory relationship or you should try to have a good relationship with your parents for no other reason than they are your parents?

No just because they are your parents may mean different things

People who gave birth to you, and left you in a child's home, and people who raised you for many years are different cases

The first example, do not even deserve to be treated as parents, and when encountered later in life should not get any respect

However the second case, have put in many hours educating you, and shaped the way you view the world as a child,

Just because they are parents, well both cases are parents, but the second case should receive gratitude for their hard work, and effort, and if you come out sane, well thats better than many children who have been traumatized by their parents

So basically, parents should get respect, recognition, and your effort in keeping up the relationship, because of everything they have done

 

[Trinityness]

I had a big long talk with my friend about parents and family today.

I dont have a good relationship with either of my parents. My father is a very heavy drinker and my mother is rather neurotic about certain things.

One of the things that me and my friend talked about was the idea that I needed to have a good relationship or atleast A relationship with my parents simply because they are my parents.

So do you think you should have an obligatory relationship or you should try to have a good relationship with your parents for no other reason than they are your parents?

Thou shalt honor thy mother and thy father.

That's my two cents.

 

[WalkingforHim]

It would be a good idea to reconcile as much as you can with your parents.

It will help you deal once they pass away. The key here is to not have any regrets about what you had done at this point in your life when it's too late to do anything else.