Parental Issues, I need guidance...

[Jason321]

Hi folks, first to lay it down, im Agnostic but im slowly getting into the christian tenet as I go, I have no real will to become christian, but im adopting alot of the values as I go, and I look to the bible for guidance often, I am a pretty good guy and Courtney is really pretty, but sex seems like a really exciting prospect but I really don't have any strong inclination to have sex, I prefer to just be close and appreciate her for who she is.

Hey everyone, im a guy, im 15 and I have recently started going out with a girl named courtney, I told my mother about another courtney who is a really loose girl, I personally like her as a person, but loose women are a bit of a turn off to me, the courtney im going out with now is a nice, pretty and smart girl, but when we went out on a double date with my friend my mother said "isnt that the girl you said was really loose?" She doesn't seem to believe me after I said no, anyway, we have been on two dates and are getting really close and we are going to have a party since the school year is going to be out, and it's just 9 people, two of them are girls, my girlfriend and my friends girlfriend, we are just on relaxing terms and in no real rush for sex, all we were going to do is watch movies for 2 days at a friends house. My mom was extremely protective in her reaction to this party, she said the following things during our conversation.
me "Mom were not going to do anything bad"
"Son thats the most silly thing you have said in a long time, I wasnt born yesterday" She also said stuff about how she isn't naive or ignorant, and she we only have 5 days to get a place to party, and check the details out.. what do I do to get her to stop being so defensive? How can I assure her that neither me or my friend are going to pressure our girlfriends for sex? There won't even be drugs or alcohol, what the hell is her problem?

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

Is she Christian?

I think the problem nowadays is trust. North of where my home is (which is almost everywhere ) nobody seems to want to trust anybody. As you aren't a Christian, some people won't trust you. Not to say you cannot trust non believers more than "Christians" but it is generally not wise.

To convince your parents, its all up to you. You may even try inviting them to come with you, you can always get them talking with other parents and have a semi private conversation with your friends.

But, the thing you need to do is build a relationship of love and trust with your parents. They are the first advisors God gave you in the world, and taught you most of what you know. If you still have questions, post again or PM me. Thanks!

 

[Jason321]

You see, I don't get along with my mom alot of the time, and my father committed suicide when I was in 7th grade, so I don't have him to help me any more... He would know exactly what to do because he went there, Courtney isn't Christian, she is like I have been for a while and doesn't give religion, higher powers, or the afterlife too much thought, she likes to enjoy life on her own, and in the process she is a very good girl, she doesn't drink or do drugs, im not a christian either like I said, but I think my question kind of falls into it here, im glad you were here to answer me, I just think that my mom should trust me more, she knows me pretty well, and she knows that I have lots of friends who do drugs and drink, but I wouldn't do it to them, I am very well rooted in my own moral compass, and I won't drink or do drugs.. I think she would know that, ive always been immune to peer pressure, but ill have the parents talk and see where it goes from there.

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

The truth is, anyone who doesn't believe in the afterlife has no need for a moral compass. I believe that is what your mom may be seeing. Morals and values are what you use here to get into heaven, but if you don't believe in that, you have no need for such values. Indeed, there are many people who are good that aren't Christian, but not all.

The best advice I can give you is to build a relationship with your mom. Go, ask her to sit down and talk with you. Tell her to voice all her concerns over Courtney, and then ease her fears. Talk about what she believes and what you believe. Talk with her, bear with her, and listen to all her opinions and concerns. I think in this case it will make a HUGE difference. Do it in the most loving manner possible, no anger. You and your mom have a lot of catching up to do, but you still have a chance to make things right, go for it.

 

[TheThirdLink]

 

[Messenger30]

She doesn't seem to believe me after I said no, anyway, we have been on two dates and are getting really close and we are going to have a party since the school year is going to be out, and it's just 9 people, two of them are girls, my girlfriend and my friends girlfriend, we are just on relaxing terms and in no real rush for sex, all we were going to do is watch movies for 2 days at a friends house......


2 days Why 2 days....A few hours I could understand but 2 days? I am a mother of a 16 year old and no way would I ever let him have a 2 day party. A sleep over with girls present NO! You say you will not presure the girls to have sex...well that is good you never should...but what if they deside they want to??? Then what at 15 years old you are much too young...I know that really bites and you don't understand or like what grown-ups say but one day you will have a child and when the child grows to be a teen they are still your baby and yours to protect a protecting mother is a loving mother...Be very thankful for your mom....plan a party for a few hours and see if mom won'tgo for that. 3 more years you'll be 18 and then you can do as you wish...mom still can help form you for 3 years and we are thankful for that.

Love and God Bless you,
Cheri

 

[Mustaphile]

"Son thats the most silly thing you have said in a long time, I wasnt born yesterday" She also said stuff about how she isn't naive or ignorant, and she we only have 5 days to get a place to party, and check the details out.. what do I do to get her to stop being so defensive? How can I assure her that neither me or my friend are going to pressure our girlfriends for sex? There won't even be drugs or alcohol, what the hell is her problem?

You need to understand that her fears are real. Your denial of any intention of wrongdoing doesn't deal with her fear, which is real and evident to her. She doesnt want answers from you like, '..theres no alcohol ..', she wants empathy and understanding of her fears for how the situation could turn out. The only way to get around it, bar complete disobedience (not a great solution), is to sit down and attempt to communicate with her.

Personally I think you got no chance of changing her mind.

Most parents would be fairly suspicious of intentions and outcomes in the situation you have outlined. If you could find out who is supervising for the 2 days and attempt to get your mother and the adult that is supervising for the 2 days to talk to each other, that might alleviate some of your mother's fears.

 

[Libby1]

I would say NO to a two day party as well. Hormones kick in. I respect the fact that you say that you would not 'pressure' your girlfriend into sex BUT I too could see a party for an evening but not two days.

Libby1

 

[desi]

Hi folks, first to lay it down, im Agnostic but im slowly getting into the christian tenet as I go, I have no real will to become christian, but im adopting alot of the values as I go, and I look to the bible for guidance often, I am a pretty good guy and Courtney is really pretty, but sex seems like a really exciting prospect but I really don't have any strong inclination to have sex, I prefer to just be close and appreciate her for who she is.

Hey everyone, im a guy, im 15 and I have recently started going out with a girl named courtney, I told my mother about another courtney who is a really loose girl, I personally like her as a person, but loose women are a bit of a turn off to me, the courtney im going out with now is a nice, pretty and smart girl, but when we went out on a double date with my friend my mother said "isnt that the girl you said was really loose?" She doesn't seem to believe me after I said no, anyway, we have been on two dates and are getting really close and we are going to have a party since the school year is going to be out, and it's just 9 people, two of them are girls, my girlfriend and my friends girlfriend, we are just on relaxing terms and in no real rush for sex, all we were going to do is watch movies for 2 days at a friends house. My mom was extremely protective in her reaction to this party, she said the following things during our conversation.
me "Mom were not going to do anything bad"
"Son thats the most silly thing you have said in a long time, I wasnt born yesterday" She also said stuff about how she isn't naive or ignorant, and she we only have 5 days to get a place to party, and check the details out.. what do I do to get her to stop being so defensive? How can I assure her that neither me or my friend are going to pressure our girlfriends for sex? There won't even be drugs or alcohol, what the hell is her problem?

There's nothing you can do or say short of inviting her to go along. Parents get a feel for things based on what they know of their children and what they did in their day. Changing her mind would be an exercise in futility.

 

[One Truth Prevails]

Stand up to your mother... Nothing you try otherwise is going to change her mind. You need to say: "I'm going to this party! We're not gonna' drink, do drugs, or have sex! You need to stop treating me like a child! I'm old enough to know what's right and what's wrong!" (I could have made this better, but for the sake of other people, I won't...)

Then you go in to your room and let her wallow in guilt... It usually works...

And remember: One Truth Prevails... pm me if you want to know the meaning of this...

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

Sounds a little close to rebellion/dishonor...

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

Stand up to your mother... Nothing you try otherwise is going to change her mind. You need to say: "I'm going to this party! We're not gonna' drink, do drugs, or have sex! You need to stop treating me like a child! I'm old enough to know what's right and what's wrong!" (I could have made this better, but for the sake of other people, I won't...)

Then you go in to your room and let her wallow in guilt... It usually works...

And remember: One Truth Prevails... pm me if you want to know the meaning of this...

I sure hope this post is a joke.. lol.

I am 16 years old, and I do know whats right and wrong. But there is a difference between knowing what is right and having the will to do it! Adults will generally have a better grasp on that due to age and experience. Hopefully the mother wouldn't wallow in guilt but instead punish the child for the way he talked to her by not letting him go at all!

 

[Hatsumi]

The truth is, anyone who doesn't believe in the afterlife has no need for a moral compass. <snip> Morals and values are what you use here to get into heaven, but if you don't believe in that, you have no need for such values. Indeed, there are many people who are good that aren't Christian, but not all.

First of all, he said he isn't a Christian. He never said he doesn't believe in an afterlife. There are other versions of an afterlife apart from the Judeo-Christian version.

Secondly, your notion that people who do not believe in an afterlife have no need for a moral compass is ludicrous. If someone doesn't believe in an afterlife, they are apt to cherish THIS life all the more. The majority of people in U.S. prisons believe in the afterlife. How do you explain that?

Third, there are plenty of lousy people who call themselves Christians. Remember that Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Fourth, if your main life goal is to "get into Heaven," then your reasons for being a Christian are pure selfishness and make you no better than the person who helps others for the sake of being kind but worships a head of cabbage.

Your black-and-white view of people is largely naive and slightly bigoted.

To the original poster: You might want to sit down with your mother and ask her why she doesn't trust you. Politely, of course, and in a non-inflammatory manner. If she feels that she raised you right, she shouldn't be so quick to expect that you'll do wrong. That being said, I doubt I'd let my 15 yr. old attend such a party. My oldest child is currently 12, and it's not that I don't trust him or that I think he's out to do bad things. It's that he's immature and impulsive, and so are many 15 yr. olds. Especially when around members of the opposite sex with lots of free, uninterrupted time. I knew a girl when I was in the 8th grade who swore she'd be a virgin until she married, and during the summer between 9th and 10th grades she got pregnant..... something that requires neither drugs nor alcohol. I think a party such as the one you mentioned is inviting temptation. That's all. Regret is the poison of life.

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

First of all, he said he isn't a Christian. He never said he doesn't believe in an afterlife. There are other versions of an afterlife apart from the Judeo-Christian version.

I wasn't talking about him.

Secondly, your notion that people who do not believe in an afterlife have no need for a moral compass is ludicrous. If someone doesn't believe in an afterlife, they are apt to cherish THIS life all the more. The majority of people in U.S. prisons believe in the afterlife. How do you explain that?

People that don't believe in the afterlife dont need a moral compass, though they have one. You are referring not to a moral code, but hedonism.

Third, there are plenty of lousy people who call themselves Christians. Remember that Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Of course. I agree

Fourth, if your main life goal is to "get into Heaven," then your reasons for being a Christian are pure selfishness and make you no better than the person who helps others for the sake of being kind but worships a head of cabbage.

I never stated my views on this.

Your black-and-white view of people is largely naive and slightly bigoted.

God is largely naive and bigoted?

I will be glad to answer any question you have, but please do actually read what I wrote. I am not sure you were awake...

 

[Hatsumi]

I wasn't talking about him.

Well, since he is agnostic, you weren't NOT talking about him, either.

People that don't believe in the afterlife dont need a moral compass, though they have one. You are referring not to a moral code, but hedonism.

Oh, I see. If you help an old woman cross the street because God tells you to, it's a moral compass. But if you do it because it's the right thing to do, it's hedonism. I personally think that God doesn't care why one follows a path of goodness. I think God is above pettiness and ego-trips.

I never stated my views on this.

You said: "Morals and values are what you use here to get into heaven, but if you don't believe in that, you have no need for such values."

Whose views are these if they aren't yours?

God is largely naive and bigoted?

How presumptuous to think that you can speak for God.

I will be glad to answer any question you have, but please do actually read what I wrote. I am not sure you were awake...

Ha ha ha.... it appears "God" is sarcastic, too. @@

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

Oh, I see. If you help an old woman cross the street because God tells you to, it's a moral compass. But if you do it because it's the right thing to do, it's hedonism. I personally think that God doesn't care why one follows a path of goodness. I think God is above pettiness and ego-trips.

I am not saying that any activity not done for God is not moral.

You said: "Morals and values are what you use here to get into heaven, but if you don't believe in that, you have no need for such values."

Whose views are these if they aren't yours?

You misquoted me as saying that that was the reason to go to heaven, however.

How presumptuous to think that you can speak for God.

Maybe you should read the Bible, I am taking it right from there...


You seemed to have good answers to everything, but I think you're a little misguided. Here, we are trying to help each other, and in this subforum especially. You must not seek to misquote and attack others in any forum, but seek answers and unity.