Parent Question/Concern

[mommame22]

So tonight I went home on my dinner break and my son was having severe allergy attack. Eyes swollen shut. He has this happen once a year or so. Husband tells me to stop on way home to get Benadryl. I did. Son was okay. But scared. Before I left to go back to work he called me upstairs and asked me to sit with him. He said he was scared that I was leaving. I said you are going to be fine. You are already looking better! He said "you care for me more than Dad".

Maybe that's typical? Kids wanting their moms? Or is that abnormal?

 

[LoveConquers]

I think its typical - mothers are usually more nurturing that fathers (not always, but usually). Nurturing and pampering is what is often desired when we are sick or not feeling well.

But I will confess, even though I know this its still a great feeling when I see how much my children wany my time and affection. And it reminds me of how God must feel when we come to Him like that.

 

[Inkachu]

It is a typical statement, but it's also troubling knowing your overall situation. I would just assure him as many times as he needs it, that you're there for him and you love him to pieces.

 

[Hetta]

Yes, within context it is a little troubling. Why couldn't your husband go and get Benadryl?

 

[mommame22]

Yeah you know I thought about that too. I only had a short window of time and I had to stop. But this is common. He has me always doing things like that. I'll get off work at 10:30 pm and get asked to stop at the store for something for son's lunch the next day. It's maddening.

 

[Hetta]

It's not just maddening, it's an unkind and unloving act toward both you and your son. Sure, he wasn't going to die from his allergies, but if that were me sitting at home with a child who was suffering, even short term, I would be out getting him what he needed - just as you did - rather than waiting for someone else to do the job. I am not surprised that your son feels that you care for him more.

 

[akmom]

Asking each other to pick up something on the way home (regardless of the hour) is typical for my husband and me. It's just easier if you're already driving by. Well, maybe not for you, but... it's probably more efficient.

When my husband calls me, it often means dragging three kids into the store, and all the buckling/unbuckling that goes with it. But yeah, it's "on the way," so that's how we do it. Maybe your husband didn't want to drag a kid to the store when he was feeling awful? Did you ask him at the time if he could just do it?

 

[ValleyGal]

I'm more concerned about your son's perception than with the idea of stopping to pick something up. Your son thinks you care for him more than daddy cares for him. But yet daddy is the one there all day. I would be investigating why your son thinks this. What makes him think daddy does not care for him as much as you do? Does he feel unloved by dad? Is dad neglecting him? How much do they interact, and what is the quality of that interaction? Yes, this is the piece that concerns me...

 

[Inkachu]

From what I recall of her earlier posts and threads, dad is very "hands off" and doesn't interact with this poor kid much. That just breaks my heart. That's one BIG reason I think she needs to quit or change jobs. That child comes first. Money concerns come second. Hubby comes third (rolling eyes).

 

[ValleyGal]

If there is neglect on the husband's part, it needs to be reported - even by mom (OP). Here's a question that could help determine if it needs to be reported: If mom was not available to meet child's need for antihistamine, would the dad have gone out to get it and administer it according to the directions? If he would have done it, it is not neglect.

However, coming from a home where dad was absent a lot due to work (and emotional absence as well), and having a mom who devoted most of her time to my sister's needs, I felt neglected even though my needs were met. I had shelter, food, clothes, I was clean and cared for. I just did not have a close relationship with my family, which made me become a very independent person with a lot of neighbourhood friends. But that's my personality...other children who go through a similar upbringing could end up being very emotionally wounded by this dynamic.

I still think talking to a social worker is a good idea.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yeah not sure why dad couldn't go get the meds. What was he doing that was more important then his child's situation? The answer is nothing since there shouldn't be anything.

That issue aside I think we all tend to go to our mothers for help. Dads can sometimes be "duh" lol. My dad loves me to death but he freaks out more then my mom does when I am sick. When I had a seizure he was so traumatized that he just stood their crying unable to get the phone as my mom sat next to me trying to help me. Hes yet to recover from it fully.