panicking

[Tinkerbell33]

For the past year I have been in the mode of self-destruction - i have been eating more, avoiding doing my a-level work, missing college, etc.

I think that avoiding doing my college work has something to do with OCPD. I am a perfectionist and when I start doing na essay I start thinking this is rubbish there is no point in doing this because it needs to be perfect.

 

[goldenviolet]

can you do outlines first to inspire you to write your essays?

can you use an erasable pen to write with, or use the computer to oragnize your paper work before printing it out?

another idea is to join a bible/prayer study. support on campus may really give you the edge you're looking for.

 

[SerenityCharlotte]

Becksy,

I'm sorry that you feel panicked. I will pray for you. Oftentimes, I feel the exact same way. I used to kick myself if I lost a few points on a test, but now I look at my grades in larger terms. We both set our standards high, which is important, but setting them too high and believing that they are not flexible will burn you out and make you feel this way, as if you need an escape from the constant expectations.

Remember, no one, not even a-students, is perfect and one essay is not going to matter in the long run. My advice is to try the outlines goldenviolet mentioned, widen your perspective of life, ask trusted friends what they think of your work in progress (it's a lot better than you think), and definitely talk to a professional about your anxiety if at all possible. We all have unique talents, branching off into different facets, that make us who we are and prevent us from thinking that absolute competition is all that matters. God bless you!

 

[stacii]

Grades were such an obsession for me during college. I was a machine working through all of my classes and driving myself and my friends absolutely crazy. The way I combated my fear of writing terrible essays was I developed excellent relationships with some professors who I knew would help me no matter what. Any time I struggled I would go to them with my ideas or drafts and they were honest with me about what they thought. And, usually what I had done was not really all that bad.

You are young, and you really need to surround yourself with people who can influence you in the right direction and who are willing to help you. I think I was a freshman in college when I realized that it really was okay to admit that I needed help and guidance with projects and papers in order to maintain the RIDICULOUS high standards I set for myself. I think you learn more that way anyway...by talking to people about your ideas and listening to theirs.

Good luck to you! I'll be praying for you. I know how hard it is.

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

I am with you on that. I get very freaked out and if I have any thought of getting anythng less than an A, I freak out a bit. So I overwork and overworry and everyone calls me an overachiever too. My therapist has no real thoughts on it, and tells me I should just be happy getting A's. Which I am, but it is overly stressful.

 

[Ruukasu]

Jesus is perfect. Whenever you do something remember that He is perfect, and all your perfection!

Colossians 1:21-23

21Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[f] your evil behavior. 22But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

Philippians 2:15 (Whole Chapter)
so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Hebrews 4:15 (Whole Chapter)
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.

1 Peter 1:19 (Whole Chapter)
but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.