It first started when I became a believer,I would think I had blasphemed the holy spirit somehow,crazy thoughts came to my mind that I couldnt control,for a long time I lived in torment.I was steadily in church,met someone whom I had thought God brought into my path for me to marry.We married,had two children,after 5 years she left me and divorced me a year later.I was so badly hurt and I blamed everything on God,I suffered alot during that time,in between pleading with God to restore my marriage,and blowing up on him in fits of rage constantly.We never ended up back together.After my divorce I met a girl from a nearby town,we had a relationship,and it was sexually immoral.I didnt think much about how God thought of it,I just went ahead and lived that way for a while.I was hurt in this relationship as well,and this girl played mind games with me that were truly cruel.I again blamed God,now I am starting to see how foolish I was,how could I blame God for things that I myself had brought opon me.During the time when I was alone after that last relationship,I went back and forth from pleading with God to help me,to being angry with him all the time.The past few months have been hell for me,going back and forth wondering If I really am saved or not,if I ever was,or if I had lost it for falling away from him.Reading the debate on the OSAS teaching,I am very fearful.The torment reminded me of what it was like when I first came to God.It seems that there is always something in my mind making me angry with him,it bothers me so much,and at the time when I am angry I do no realize how wrong I am.I come to my senses and then deep fear and panic overtake me.People tell me God loves me,the bible does too,and that I am saved.What I dont understand is why I so easily get angered at him again for things in my life if i am truly saved. Its a constant merry go round for me.I dont want to be this way anymore.I am angry because I am lonely mostly,and because of where I am in life,and because of some of the things I suffered..Has anyone experienced these feelings? Please shed some light or hope if you can.
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Panic about my salvation
- Thread starter Logicnb
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Dear Logicnb, Hi, I don't experience anger towards God, but I do know that it seems that men seem to do so more than women from what I've noticed. I'm sorry for what you have been through. You probably know that if you believe in Jesus, and that He was resurrected then the Holy Spirit indwelled you and you are saved. I am OSAS, and you never need doubt your salvation, even when you fall, for we all sin.
God bless you, write me anytime, tapero
God bless you, write me anytime, tapero
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Hey buddy..
dude I'd seriously stay away from those salvation and whatever else theology debate forums, I do. there are always going to be people there that just don't understand. The Christians who haven't been through their big storm in life yet are usually the ones that will say unmerciful things, until it's their turn. I know because I was sort of like that, then I crashed and was greatly humbled, and am closer to God than ever. Now I'd slap myself upside the head for saying the things i used to. You don't have to listen to me but my advice until you're stable again is collapse the christians only section to block out most of the subjects that are likely to do this to you. When you see a subject title that sends a chill down your spine you become compelled to click on it and read some, that's how it is at least for me. Take it or leave it, that's the route i've taken and it works pretty well for me or i wouldn't be here, but whatever works best for you...
Jesus said in Luke 15:7 "I say to you that even so there will be more joy in Heaven when one sinner is turned away from his wrongdoing, than for 99 good men, who have no need of a change of heart"
so like, i'm not really sure if i'm picking it all up right but, from what i seem to understand you're worried that you're done for from going off like that and not caring about God anymore and being angry towards Him and blaming Him for your problems for that bad period in your life.
but JC is the Boss, and check out what He said up there. If He and the angels were that excited over your return to Him, more than that of 99 righteous men who need no change of heart, man.. that party had to make Chinese New Year look like a tea party..
Don't ever think that anything you could do would make God not want you anymore. Such a statement could only have the putrid breath of satan all over it.
Also consider reading Luke 15, it's such a beautiful chapter.
dude I'd seriously stay away from those salvation and whatever else theology debate forums, I do. there are always going to be people there that just don't understand. The Christians who haven't been through their big storm in life yet are usually the ones that will say unmerciful things, until it's their turn. I know because I was sort of like that, then I crashed and was greatly humbled, and am closer to God than ever. Now I'd slap myself upside the head for saying the things i used to. You don't have to listen to me but my advice until you're stable again is collapse the christians only section to block out most of the subjects that are likely to do this to you. When you see a subject title that sends a chill down your spine you become compelled to click on it and read some, that's how it is at least for me. Take it or leave it, that's the route i've taken and it works pretty well for me or i wouldn't be here, but whatever works best for you...
Jesus said in Luke 15:7 "I say to you that even so there will be more joy in Heaven when one sinner is turned away from his wrongdoing, than for 99 good men, who have no need of a change of heart"
so like, i'm not really sure if i'm picking it all up right but, from what i seem to understand you're worried that you're done for from going off like that and not caring about God anymore and being angry towards Him and blaming Him for your problems for that bad period in your life.
but JC is the Boss, and check out what He said up there. If He and the angels were that excited over your return to Him, more than that of 99 righteous men who need no change of heart, man.. that party had to make Chinese New Year look like a tea party..
Don't ever think that anything you could do would make God not want you anymore. Such a statement could only have the putrid breath of satan all over it.
Also consider reading Luke 15, it's such a beautiful chapter.
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[continued from previous post]
the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life was when i fell away from God for two years because of being tricked into believing God hated me (i'm not going to go into detials, i can't..). I loathed God and willingly and knowingly had awful blaspemous thoughts, until like the prodigal son i came to my senses. And the weird thing is it just hit me like a brick one day. All that stuff i was tricked into believing, was an outright lie.
The very night I came back to God, satan gave me a horrible nightmare 'confirming' that God truly did hate me and that none of it was a lie. That scared me for an additional couple of weeks. I in all seriousness thought that there was an evil man working for satan after me, like the one in my nightmare, and he knew where i lived, and if i owned a gun believe me i would have been answering the door with it. Actually when the doorbell rang, somebody would answer it and i would begin shaking and get ready for the fight of my life just in case. When I came back to God, satan hit the panic button without a doubt. He even tried using the bible to beat me back down into the dirt, which isn't a first for that slime satan. yeah it helped slow me down for a bit again but didn't stop me. he got really desperate which is scary and thought provoking at the same time. perhaps i do have some important purpose in life if satan freaked out that badly.
when i came back to God, it wasn't long before i found this place (on an old account a couple of years ago) and peeked into the osas whatever forum only to meet a bunch of the "older brothers" from the prodigal son, and man i really got slaughtered by this one guy, i thought it was over. but God finally must have told satan that was enough, and He took me back in, and clothed me and held me (so to speak)
i hope i don't get in trouble for posting links but i'd like to offer some recommended material, which you can choose to look at or not.
http://o-bible.com/cgibin/ob.cgi?version=bbe&book=luk&chapter=15 Luke 15 in basic english (though there is king james on there too if you can decipher it x_x)
http://fathersloveletter.com/mediastreaming.html (check out the top video on the list first, also on the near bottom of the page where the mp3 links are, you might be interested in "Coming home to Love" which is a really deep and interesting look at the prodigal son. The pastor is a great guy, very compassionate and gentle, and all of the sessions are wonderful (and that's coming from me, i can't trust anybody anymore and don't go to actual church for now for that reason))
http://fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html (if the videos aren't working for you or are taking too long to stream here's FLL in text and optional narration)
hey you know what, come to think of it, if i was mistaken about why you're panicking over your salvation.. i'm going to feel like a huge idiot with all i just typed (i seperated it into two posts to make it easier to read). i hope there's at least something in there that helps you.
and with all i type every single time a make a serious post like this, i'll bet you'd never believe i'm not a talkative person.
the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life was when i fell away from God for two years because of being tricked into believing God hated me (i'm not going to go into detials, i can't..). I loathed God and willingly and knowingly had awful blaspemous thoughts, until like the prodigal son i came to my senses. And the weird thing is it just hit me like a brick one day. All that stuff i was tricked into believing, was an outright lie.
The very night I came back to God, satan gave me a horrible nightmare 'confirming' that God truly did hate me and that none of it was a lie. That scared me for an additional couple of weeks. I in all seriousness thought that there was an evil man working for satan after me, like the one in my nightmare, and he knew where i lived, and if i owned a gun believe me i would have been answering the door with it. Actually when the doorbell rang, somebody would answer it and i would begin shaking and get ready for the fight of my life just in case. When I came back to God, satan hit the panic button without a doubt. He even tried using the bible to beat me back down into the dirt, which isn't a first for that slime satan. yeah it helped slow me down for a bit again but didn't stop me. he got really desperate which is scary and thought provoking at the same time. perhaps i do have some important purpose in life if satan freaked out that badly.
when i came back to God, it wasn't long before i found this place (on an old account a couple of years ago) and peeked into the osas whatever forum only to meet a bunch of the "older brothers" from the prodigal son, and man i really got slaughtered by this one guy, i thought it was over. but God finally must have told satan that was enough, and He took me back in, and clothed me and held me (so to speak)
i hope i don't get in trouble for posting links but i'd like to offer some recommended material, which you can choose to look at or not.
http://o-bible.com/cgibin/ob.cgi?version=bbe&book=luk&chapter=15 Luke 15 in basic english (though there is king james on there too if you can decipher it x_x)
http://fathersloveletter.com/mediastreaming.html (check out the top video on the list first, also on the near bottom of the page where the mp3 links are, you might be interested in "Coming home to Love" which is a really deep and interesting look at the prodigal son. The pastor is a great guy, very compassionate and gentle, and all of the sessions are wonderful (and that's coming from me, i can't trust anybody anymore and don't go to actual church for now for that reason))
http://fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html (if the videos aren't working for you or are taking too long to stream here's FLL in text and optional narration)
hey you know what, come to think of it, if i was mistaken about why you're panicking over your salvation.. i'm going to feel like a huge idiot with all i just typed (i seperated it into two posts to make it easier to read). i hope there's at least something in there that helps you.
and with all i type every single time a make a serious post like this, i'll bet you'd never believe i'm not a talkative person.
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Thank you both so much for your kindness and understanding.akaMorninglife...you pretty much hit the nail on the head,thank you for your compassion in sharing your experience with me,and taking the time to write two posts to help me feel assured of His love for his children.I continue to struggle with it at times,but I will not give up,perhaps it is the Lord not giving up on me that makes me not want to give up.
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romans324
Senior Veteran
Hi Logic,
I do pray everything is going alot better. Don't look at the past because Jesus is Lord of the past, present and future. I have study much and the Lord blessed me with much understanding and knowledge. If you noticed in your words you constently come back to the Lord. That is the pulling force that draws you near to Him. As for getting mad at God, read the scriptures some men do get mad at the Almighty, Jerm. praises God then says that the Lord set him up. The Word shows us that we are not the only ones going through these concerns or questions. That is why we need to daily feed on the word so we understand. I pray this helps, and God Bless!
I do pray everything is going alot better. Don't look at the past because Jesus is Lord of the past, present and future. I have study much and the Lord blessed me with much understanding and knowledge. If you noticed in your words you constently come back to the Lord. That is the pulling force that draws you near to Him. As for getting mad at God, read the scriptures some men do get mad at the Almighty, Jerm. praises God then says that the Lord set him up. The Word shows us that we are not the only ones going through these concerns or questions. That is why we need to daily feed on the word so we understand. I pray this helps, and God Bless!
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rosenherman
Sparkly rainbow butterfly kitten
I want you to know that since God is big enough to handle my anger and my sister's anger; He's big enough to handle your anger. I've been worried quite a few times that I effed up so badly that I'd lost my salvation.
When I read Romans 8, this verse fairly jumped off the page at me:
PS All the folks that posted before me are right on target. They know what they're talking about.
When I read Romans 8, this verse fairly jumped off the page at me:
Throw that at Satan the next time he starts making you worry. Quote it right out loud at the demon sent to torment you. Good luck.
PS All the folks that posted before me are right on target. They know what they're talking about.
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