Yesterday completed the two-day paint job of my apartment. The first day was last Friday. (Because of my work schedule and the incompetence of the landlord’s painter, it couldn’t be done back-to-back days.) It’s the first time the apartment has been painted since I moved in eighteen years ago. I just never saw the need or had the want to do it, until this year.
When I decided the place needed “a new coat” I immediately saw, in relation to my divorce, the symbolism of the painting. It’s symbolizes the end/start of a new chapter in my life, and the covering of the old with new (there is a scripture that says “To be made new in your mind,” I forget the details.) There was a literal covering of the old last Friday. The frame markings on the wall from the large wedding picture and a silver plate gift with our wedding invitation engraved in it were covered when the painter did those rooms. I sighed, sadly and quietly, to myself when I saw the markings gone. They had been there since 2001.
I had been/am happy about the place getting painted. I wouldn’t want a woman (my wife, if my marriage was still in tact, or a future girlfriend) to see the apartment the way it was. Yesterday I felt sadness because of the painting symbolism in terms of my divorce. I guess I didn’t feel this sadness last week because the actual paint job wouldn’t be finished until yesterday. I couldn’t cry or grieve yesterday because (1) I was exhausted from an overnight shift and (2) the painter was here. This morning and now I feel the need for a good cry. I had to do the wash and go shopping this morning and now that these tasks are completed, I am doing that I as I type.
My crying/grieving/sadness has come in three expected waves. The first was when I was hit in April 2012 with my wife’s divorce declaration. The second was the start of the legal divorce process, and the third was when the divorce judgment came in. Now I have this “paint” wave of grief.
I know it’s a healing process and the Lord is helping, and guiding me. I know I will get through it. I just felt like venting.
Thanks for reading.
When I decided the place needed “a new coat” I immediately saw, in relation to my divorce, the symbolism of the painting. It’s symbolizes the end/start of a new chapter in my life, and the covering of the old with new (there is a scripture that says “To be made new in your mind,” I forget the details.) There was a literal covering of the old last Friday. The frame markings on the wall from the large wedding picture and a silver plate gift with our wedding invitation engraved in it were covered when the painter did those rooms. I sighed, sadly and quietly, to myself when I saw the markings gone. They had been there since 2001.
I had been/am happy about the place getting painted. I wouldn’t want a woman (my wife, if my marriage was still in tact, or a future girlfriend) to see the apartment the way it was. Yesterday I felt sadness because of the painting symbolism in terms of my divorce. I guess I didn’t feel this sadness last week because the actual paint job wouldn’t be finished until yesterday. I couldn’t cry or grieve yesterday because (1) I was exhausted from an overnight shift and (2) the painter was here. This morning and now I feel the need for a good cry. I had to do the wash and go shopping this morning and now that these tasks are completed, I am doing that I as I type.
My crying/grieving/sadness has come in three expected waves. The first was when I was hit in April 2012 with my wife’s divorce declaration. The second was the start of the legal divorce process, and the third was when the divorce judgment came in. Now I have this “paint” wave of grief.
I know it’s a healing process and the Lord is helping, and guiding me. I know I will get through it. I just felt like venting.
Thanks for reading.
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Thank YOU. 
