Overwhelmed with guilt

[Snowymtn]

i am a married mom of 2. Last year was so hard, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I had to have a large surgery with a big recovery. My husband and I just emotionally drifted and I started talking more to two male friends. I was talking and texting them frequently about anxiety over my upcoming surgery and other worries I had about anxiety and depression.. We also occasionally grabbed lunch - sometimes I would tell my husband and other times I did not..This went on for a few months and right after my surgery it was like God spoke to me and said these friendships with the opposite Sex are not healthy- I immediately just cold turkey ended them. Sent a text to one stating the friendship made me uncomfortable and it was best we not continue. He was super apologetic stating he never meant to make me feel that way and he just appreciated our friendship- that was 4 months ago and we haven't had contact since except regarding work matters/ he works in my office but we rarely interact. The other was an old colleague that lived out of town and just hasn't tried to contact me since I never returned his messages months ago..I have been praying for gods forgiveness because I truly think I crossed the line into emotional affair as I was giving more emotional energy into those relationships than my own marriage..now I am overwhelmed with guilt and not sure how or if to bring this up to my husband. I have reached out to a few counselora today. I love my husband so much and feel awful. This all happened last fall and I feel like all of the sudden I am hit with the guilt....a delayed reaction

 

[H4wk]

If youve truly learned from your mistakes, my advice would be to repent to God. After that, drop the guilt and keep the knowledge. Carrying it after that will do you no good.

 

[HawgWyld]

There are times when I think that we Protestants have it all wrong -- the Sacrament of Confession is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Those who confess their sins can receive both forgiveness and get some practical advice on what to do.

Frankly, I'd keep that information about a suspected emotional affair to myself if I were you. Nothing good can come of sharing it with your husband. However, as Christ said -- "go forth and sin no more!"

 

[H4wk]

There are times when I think that we Protestants have it all wrong -- the Sacrament of Confession is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Those who confess their sins can receive both forgiveness and get some practical advice on what to do.

Frankly, I'd keep that information about a suspected emotional affair to myself if I were you. Nothing good can come of sharing it with your husband. However, as Christ said -- "go forth and sin no more!"

We have what all wrong?

 

[HawgWyld]

We have what all wrong?

Confession is one of the sacraments we should have kept.

 

[H4wk]

Confession is one of the sacraments we should have kept.

Well imo you can tell me your sins all day long but that doesnt equal humbling yourself before God and repentance. I mean it is said we should confess our sins to one another but to me and from what ive read and learned repentance is something you give to God.

 

[HawgWyld]

Well imo you can tell me your sins all day long but that doesnt equal humbling yourself before God and repentance. I mean it is said we should confess our sins to one another but to me and rom what ive read and learned repentance is something you give to God.

No, it doesn't. I'll go one further -- one can ask for forgiveness directly through prayer. However, Confession forces introspection at least once a year -- something a lot of us (myself included) are horrible at on our own...

 

[H4wk]

No, it doesn't. I'll go one further -- one can ask for forgiveness directly through prayer. However, Confession forces introspection at least once a year -- something a lot of us (myself included) are horrible at on our own...

I dont disagree with anything youve said. I know ive read the bible encourages confessing sins to one another. The problem begins when we completely replace repentance with confession. Ya know what i mean?
Practice will make you better at it. Nobody here is born an expert at anything.

 

[HawgWyld]

I dont disagree with anything youve said. I know ive read the bible encourages confessing sins to one another. The problem begins when we completely replace repentance with confession. Ya know what i mean?

I agree with that completely. Confession without true repentance is hollow.

 

[H4wk]

The original poster here is esentially confessing to us. Repentance is still needed because we cant forgive those sins, thats something only God can do. I think im just beating a dead horse now lol
I donno why i thought of this but ive had issues with repentance myself. I felt like whatever id done i deserved whats coming and i felt selfish to even ask God for forgiveness. Then i came to realise its the will of God for me to repent and i was serving myself by not doing it out of MY own guilt. Its really a powerful thing and its written that all of heaven rejoices over the repentance prayer of one person.

 

[Humble me Lord]

It is good that you turned away. We know the difference between right and wrong, because it was written on our heart, Hebrews 10:16, so the guilt you are feeling is a conviction of the Holy Spirit. It is written , Matthew 5:27-28, but only God and you know if the friendships went this far. The good news is that if you confess your sins and repent, 1 John 1:9, then you will overcome the guilt.
I agree, confessing our sins to one another , James 5:16 , does make me feel more accountable than only confessing in prayer.
God Bless

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

i am a married mom of 2. Last year was so hard, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I had to have a large surgery with a big recovery. My husband and I just emotionally drifted and I started talking more to two male friends. I was talking and texting them frequently about anxiety over my upcoming surgery and other worries I had about anxiety and depression.. We also occasionally grabbed lunch - sometimes I would tell my husband and other times I did not..This went on for a few months and right after my surgery it was like God spoke to me and said these friendships with the opposite Sex are not healthy- I immediately just cold turkey ended them. Sent a text to one stating the friendship made me uncomfortable and it was best we not continue. He was super apologetic stating he never meant to make me feel that way and he just appreciated our friendship- that was 4 months ago and we haven't had contact since except regarding work matters/ he works in my office but we rarely interact. The other was an old colleague that lived out of town and just hasn't tried to contact me since I never returned his messages months ago..I have been praying for gods forgiveness because I truly think I crossed the line into emotional affair as I was giving more emotional energy into those relationships than my own marriage..now I am overwhelmed with guilt and not sure how or if to bring this up to my husband. I have reached out to a few counselora today. I love my husband so much and feel awful. This all happened last fall and I feel like all of the sudden I am hit with the guilt....a delayed reaction

What this looks to me is that you are experiencing a "condemnation bomb" from the enemy of our souls. After reading your post, I cannot see anything that could make you guilty before God. Friendship with the opposite sex as a married woman is not adultery. I am happily married and yet I have good friendships with a number of women. There is no hint that they could replace my wife, and she knows about these friendships. One is a fellow-elder of my church and when she telephones, my wife will answer and then say to me, "It is your friend." Then another one will call whom she does not approve of in the same way and she will refer to her as "that woman!"

Temptation is not sin. It sounds that because of the drifting apart from your spouse, you may have been tempted to find another emotional relationship. It sounds to me that The Holy Spirit has given you an indication that you were heading somewhere that might have been damaging to you and your marriage, and you responded correctly to His prompting. Where is the sin in that?

You have nothing to feel guilty about, but it is an indication that you should walk softly before God and seek His will on how to restore the foundation of your marriage. But having to go and confess to all and sundry when it was just a temptation and not sin would be foolishness on your part and could do more harm than good.

I would safely ignore anyone who would try to make you feel guilty merely because they are confusing temptation with actual sin.

 

[Snowymtn]

It is good that you turned away. We know the difference between right and wrong, because it was written on our heart, Hebrews 10:16, so the guilt you are feeling is a conviction of the Holy Spirit. It is written , Matthew 5:27-28, but only God and you know if the friendships went this far. The good news is that if you confess your sins and repent, 1 John 1:9, then you will overcome the guilt.
I agree, confessing our sins to one another , James 5:16 , does make me feel more accountable than only confessing in prayer.
God Bless

Are you saying I should confess to my husband??

 

[Humble me Lord]

No, I don't think that's a good idea. No good can come out of that.

 

[Humble me Lord]

I am praying that God will heal the emotional separation between the two of you. How is the communication ? How long have you been married?

 

[dhh712]

i am a married mom of 2. Last year was so hard, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I had to have a large surgery with a big recovery. My husband and I just emotionally drifted and I started talking more to two male friends. I was talking and texting them frequently about anxiety over my upcoming surgery and other worries I had about anxiety and depression.. We also occasionally grabbed lunch - sometimes I would tell my husband and other times I did not..This went on for a few months and right after my surgery it was like God spoke to me and said these friendships with the opposite Sex are not healthy- I immediately just cold turkey ended them. Sent a text to one stating the friendship made me uncomfortable and it was best we not continue. He was super apologetic stating he never meant to make me feel that way and he just appreciated our friendship- that was 4 months ago and we haven't had contact since except regarding work matters/ he works in my office but we rarely interact. The other was an old colleague that lived out of town and just hasn't tried to contact me since I never returned his messages months ago..I have been praying for gods forgiveness because I truly think I crossed the line into emotional affair as I was giving more emotional energy into those relationships than my own marriage..now I am overwhelmed with guilt and not sure how or if to bring this up to my husband. I have reached out to a few counselora today. I love my husband so much and feel awful. This all happened last fall and I feel like all of the sudden I am hit with the guilt....a delayed reaction

I would ask forgiveness of the Lord and forgive yourself and let it go. Praise the Lord that he put it into your heart to recognize the development of a potentially dangerous, sinful relationship. Realize that you were overwhelmed emotionally last year, it was a hard year and things were chaotic. Yet you listened when the Lord gave you guidance. That is commendable.

As long as the close feelings did not progress into any kind of intimate, romantic emotions (as in committing adultery in your thoughts) then I don't think you have anything to ask forgiveness of from your husband. It would depend on your relationship whether you should bring it up to him (how guilty you're feeling about this). Personally I would not, but then I'm going off my relationship and not yours.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Are you saying I should confess to my husband??

Temptation is not a sin. You listened to the Holy Spirit and did what He said to you. That's all you need. You don't need to go confessing it to your husband because it will make him suspect of you and drive you further apart. My advice is for you to ask the Lord to show you effective ways of making your husband loved and cared for. You may need to do this in "trusting" faith where your emotions may not match what you are wanting to do. I wouldn't make demands of him to reciprocate, but just let your conduct towards him give him the message, and allow the Holy Spirit to stir the pot inside of him.

Every marriage goes through the "disenchantment" stage. It is part of the territory. Stress, tiredness, familiarity, incessant routine day after day can bring this on. It is a natural process between the initial romance and the settled companionship of maturity. If you two are friends as well as marriage partners, then the fallback position is your friendship. Out of that can blossom a new regard and respect for each other and you end up enjoying the companionship that you have with each other as you go on to maturity.

 

[Justme2017]

I can honestly say that I have been there. Just last year. Same thing except 1 man was very flirty and was filling a void that my husband wasn't and one man was my best friend/ ex...he filled the conversation void. I had a hard talk with my husband and confessed that though nothing physical happened I felt I was developing emotional connections. I explained that I ended the friendships and asked him to forgive me. It lead to some hard discussion but in the end we worked through it and I felt lighter. I don't know how your husband will respond..but definitely pray about it. Pray that if you are to talk to him God will give you the boldness and soften your husband's heart to understand. Only you know what you are being lead to do