Overwhelmed with guilt

[Unworthy77]

If you do something behind your wife’s back and you never tell her about it and she never finds out, can you ever be forgiven for it? Say, for example, I got drunk when she was out of town. Then she comes back and asks if I was good while she was gone and I say yes. I know that telling her “yes” is a lie, but can I be forgiven for getting drunk and for lying to her if I never tell her? Thanks for the help.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

My hubby does not lie to me, and I can not tell you how much that means to me.
I would rather hear what he did than to have him lie. I hope you tell her whatever it was. Secrets and lies are not good for marriages.

 

[brinley45cal]

If you do something behind your wife’s back and you never tell her about it and she never finds out, can you ever be forgiven for it? Say, for example, I got drunk when she was out of town. Then she comes back and asks if I was good while she was gone and I say yes. I know that telling her “yes” is a lie, but can I be forgiven for getting drunk and for lying to her if I never tell her? Thanks for the help.

I dont think you will be forgiven until you not only ask the lord for forgivness,but confess to your wife what you did.If you didnt tell her that would not be true repentance,plus if you wrong someone you are suppose to go to that person and make it right.The bible says that to him that knows to do right and dosent do it ,to him it is sin.Do the right thing,it might sting for awhile but in the end you will be glad you did.Good luck and God Bless.

 

[Lathe]

Yeah, play it safe. Of course God will forgive you, but you must also repent. Tell God you're sorry, then admit to your wife. It'll be alright.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Tell her. Us ladies prefer to hear it from you than a family acquaintance further down the track

 

[forgivenmuch]

you need to tell your wife... whatever it is... but tell her the truth.. lies are enough to break up a marriage. God wants you to confess your faults to one another..as you would him .. i think your wife should know more about you than anyone.. so tell her dont hold it in for someone else to do it... our sins will be made known ..so just get it out.

 

[Unworthy77]

I know I need to tell her; I'm just scared. I don't want to hurt her. She means more to me than anything and for me to be the one to cause her pain is the worst thing I can think of. That's why I don't want to tell her. Not because I want to get away with it, but because I don't want to hurt her. I know I shouldn’t have done this unspeakable thing in the first place, but obviously it’s too late for that. I will tell her though. It's the right thing to do. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me what I already knew.



Just an afterthought, does that mean that ever time I've told her, "No, that dress doesn't make you look fat." I need to tell her that I lied and that she did look fat or I won't be forgiven? Or when she asks if her friend (who works out and has never had kids) has a better body than her. And I say, “No honey.” I should go and tell her, remember 6 months ago when you asked if your friend Sue had a better body than you. Well I lied, she does.” Why do women ask those questions? They almost make us lie to them. I guess I could be honest a couple of times and then she might stop asking. Anyway, I guess, “Honesty is the best policy.” Thanks for the help everyone.

 

[Shinji Ikari]

If you confess this to her in the earnest way possible, then she will forgive you..

That is if she is a Christian.

Ask her to pray for you during the times when you are alone.

 

[rogsr]

every expierience is a learning expierience. I suppose getting drunk is not the worst thing that you could have done while your wife was away, so you should realize that you are fortunate that your stumble did not lead you into a worse place. It is important to learn the lessons in the most mild of situations so that we can avoid having to learn them in the harshest of situations. It is a good thing to reflect on your personal sins so as not to repeat them, but it is equally important to reflect on your personal salvation that you have been given by our Father through our Lord so as not to lose faith in His sacrifice.

Peace-

 

[JohnnyV]

Just tell her the truth, saves bitterness in the long run.

 

[Sketcher]

A dress never makes a woman look fat. I don't think I need to finish this . . .

 

[Busybee]

Ask yourself, would you rather deal with her being mad for a week or so at you (if even that long) or would you rather deal with a lifetime of wondering if the information your withholding will come back to nip you in bud . It'll eat you alive and satan is just going to use that to his advantage against you.

 

[seekfirst]

I think the golden rule is the way to go about this. Would you want her telling you if she had done this? The fact you came on here and asked the question means it's eating at you...it's not going to go away. It's better to confess, and meet the consequences with at least telling the truth...then for her to find out another way, and then not only be angry about what you did, but also that you didn't tell her, and she had to find out from someone else. My prayers are with you!!

 

[Unworthy77]

Hmm, so what your saying is that I should tell her? (said with just a hint of sarcasm) I get it already. I don't know if it's my guilt or what, but your making me feel like I'm the only one that's ever kept anything from their spouse. I thank you all for the help. Like I said, I'm going to tell her. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that I can't hide it forever, no matter how much I might want to. And the longer I do, the worse it will be. I don't mean to be rude, but after 8 or more people tell you the same thing, I think you get the hint.

 

[Friendship]

I think it is wrong for someone to assume you done more than just drink when you did not say that you did and really its none of our business but maybe your afraid you will get the same reaction from your wife that she will think that you did something else because you were drinking, because I do not know the history here if its just that she dont believe in drinking or if it is because of past things caused by drinking but whatever it is I am sure you guys can get past it as long as your Honest and I dont know what your beliefs are but you came to a Christian forum so I assuming you have some belief so Pray about it.

 

[MWP]

Hi Unworthy77. The best piece of advice I can give you from the small amount of information you shared is this. Give your burdens to the Lord. He will not let you fall. Pray, pray, pray for the strength to do the right thing, and he will lead you to do whatever it is that is right. Then pray that he will give you the strength to rise above Satan so that this never happens again. God Bless.

 

[forgivenmuch]

I Have To Agree With The One Post ... I Am Not Saying You Done More Than Getting Drunk Wrong.. But Why Would That Be The Worst Heartache For Your Wife? To Me It Sounds Iffy.. However.. Thats You... You Come To Us For Advice.. We Gave It. If You Want To Lie And Continue On ..so Be It..
But You Will Have To Lie More And More To Cover Up, Then It Will Get Bad. You Will Hurt Your Wife In More Ways Than One. She Will Feel That You Dont Trust Her.. And That Will Hurt Your Marraige. Can You Be Clear To Us What You Done? Was It Getting Drunk Or More?

 

[Machin Shin]

God will forgive you, but you will constantly be plagued by guilt unless you do tell your wife and when you do, if she truely love you, yes, she will probably be hurt, but i'm sure she will love you if she truly loves you. one thing I have always strived for in my relasionship with my soon-to-be-fiance is unconditional love. so far, I have nothing to be really mad at her yet, but I will always love her no matter what she might do. it's kind of like an unspoken covenant between us that we will always love eachother unconditionally, and will never do anything that might.... try that love... I think that's what I'm trying to say. good luck mon amie

 

[Friendship]

" Not because I want to get away with it, but because I don't want to hurt her. I know I shouldn’t have done this unspeakable thing in the first place, but obviously it’s too late for that"

Okay this statement here that you made is probably where people are getting the idea that you did more than just get drunk because you reffered to it as this unspeakable thing.
When I got married back when I still drank I would not get drunk without my partner around and vise versa because I trust my partner and myself but I do not trust a drunk including myself, when someone is drunk they are basically unable to control their actions especially if they are the type to have black outs, so I know what can happen when in that state, did you know that the first black out is in the bible? When Lot's daughters thought they were the only ones alive and that they needed to reproduce the world and they got Lot drunk and both went in unto him and HE KNEW IT NOT so he had no recall of what he had done, getting drunk is never a good idea and drinking when your spouse is not around is a really bad idea but you cant undo the past but you can ask forgiveness for it, if you did do something else while you were drunk especially if it involved another woman she will definately be hurt and it may take some time, with some people its not the forgiving thats hard its the forgetting and regaining trust, this is a real tuff issue because once again I dont your history and if this is something that has happened before or if its a once off or what actually occurred and any and all could play factors in what the outcome will be but seeking counseling together and doing whatever it takes to work things out and overcome this through the Lord is a suggestion based on what information has been provided.
The bible also says not to be seperate from one another for lengths of time unless for fasting and to quickly be reunited as to not be tempted to stray, thats not a direct qoute but thats basically what it says I can look it up and give you a direct scripture and quote but I do recall reading that. I mention that because you said she was away at the time, although that dont make it right either but we all make mistakes and some can have harsh consequences but there is nothing to big for God so get into prayer about your marriage and your life and give it all to him because he can fix things we cant.

 

[bubblegirl23]

MY ADVICE ON DRINKING....STAY HOME!

No designating drivers
No finding a place to stay
Less money
No strangers to sin with

Next time ask your friends to stay overnight in the guest room. Make an excuse to throw a BYO dinner party.