Overprotective vs Careless Parenting

[Birbitt]

I think the risk that comes with being over-protective is that you might possibly raise an inexperienced and naive child.

But I think that, physically, there are a lot more risks inherent with having a more careless approach towards parenting.

Here's another example. And this isn't a criticism of the other parents, just me having trouble managing my own fears and insecurities. When my daughter is at her swimming lessons, parents have the choice of either being inside the pool area and sitting in the bleachers, or out in the hallway where you can't really see the pool.

The disadvantage to being in the pool area is that it can get really humid (so that the kids in the pool don't get too cold).

I'm always inside, right at ground level, sitting on the front bench, usually with my shoes partially removed just in case I have to leap into the pool to pull her out. I recognize THAT as me probably being excessive. But I have my own fear of water that I've never overcome and I'm repositioning that fear onto my daughter while watching her stick her head under the water. My coworker's son is in a different swim level, but uses the same pool during the same class time. She says, "Oh it's too humid in here! I'll wait in the hall" and is perfectly comfortable with not being there to watch. Her son is roughly the same age.

In a way, I envy her ability to feel that level of comfort. And I think to myself, "C'mon... there are probably 5 trained lifeguards in the pool at any given time. What could possibly go wrong?"

But it's never enough for me. And that's where I know I'm being a bit over the top at times.

Redguard I have to tell you...You can NEVER be too careful with children around water...we live in Arizona and seriously we have at least one drowning a WEEK during the summer! I'd do the very same thing....my children go to our pool with water wings, life vests, and pool noodles....and I still don't let them swim more than maybe 1 foot from me! I REFUSE to have something happen to my child that I could easily prevent by being careful!

That being said I don't think you are an overprotective parent! My best friend has over protective parents.........she was a senior in high school and couldn't even answer the phone if her parent's weren't home! And thats just the tip of the iceberg with her! Seriously though overprotective really can't apply until a child is at the age of knowing right from wrong ( and I mean really knowing the difference ). I think if the child is under the age of 13 there is no such thing as being over protective...parents should be more protective of their children!

 

[GolfingMom]

We let the kiddo's play in our backyard without supervision. I check on them once in a while. They ride their bikes with helmets on but not knee pads or elbow pads. They take swimming lessons and I'm there either watching or reading a book (the pool has lifeguards and it's pretty much a one adult to one child ratio).
I think kiddo's need some freedom to be kids~ to fall, get hurt, play in the dirt, etc. I don't put my kiddo's in harms way or allow them to play with dangerous items (matches, knivest, etc) but I don't protect them so much that they NEVER have a chance to experience being a kid. I'm one to think that knee/elbow scrapes and bruises comes with being a child.

 

[Meshavrischika]

this is one of the reasons I moved 10 hours away, so I could provide my kids with more freedom than Austin could offer. (the boondocks are great for this - lol)

 

[Birbitt]

We let the kiddo's play in our backyard without supervision. I check on them once in a while. They ride their bikes with helmets on but not knee pads or elbow pads. They take swimming lessons and I'm there either watching or reading a book (the pool has lifeguards and it's pretty much a one adult to one child ratio).
I think kiddo's need some freedom to be kids~ to fall, get hurt, play in the dirt, etc. I don't put my kiddo's in harms way or allow them to play with dangerous items (matches, knivest, etc) but I don't protect them so much that they NEVER have a chance to experience being a kid. I'm one to think that knee/elbow scrapes and bruises comes with being a child.

I can agree with the scrapes and bruises thing..My boys wear knee pads because I've seen several children get serious knee injuries while learning to ride their bike and I want them to be in the habit now of wearing them so that it's not a debate when they are ready to go without training wheels! Then the knee pads will come off and it's just helmets from there. I'm not so much worried about the minor injuries as much as the serious issues like somebody snatching my children (which is why we watch the safe side video monthly) or a serious injury to their head or neck things like that. I think my boys have had more stitches in their combined 9 years than me and hubby have had in our lives combined! But that's part of growing up, and that's ok with me. I just feel the need to protect them from the Major Dangers (drowning, kidnapping, abuse by anyone, etc.)

 

[suzybeezy]

I use to not be an overprotective parent with my older two kids. They were allowed to play outside when they were 5-6. With my youngest two I am definately very extremely overprotective. About 3 years ago my now 8 year old son was suppose to be in our backyard playing with his older sister, or so we thought. He wandered away from home and was gone for 45 horrific minutes. Police and neighbors were all searching for him. The worst thoughts imaginable ran thru my head. Here he decided he wanted to go visit a friend of his who lives about a block and a half away. His mother called me when he was knockin' at her door. The terror I experienced has forever altered me as a person and a parent. The fear that went through my soul that I would never see my child again is something I never want to experience again. My kids play outside, but under my close supervision now. My house is locked down like Ft Knox. I know most parents in my neighborhood let their kids run free (cause it is a very safe neighborhood). I just can't do it. I'd rather be safe then sorry.

 

[Neenie1]

In answer to the op.

You are not being overprotective. I am the same way about my children.

You are also talking about a 5 year old and I think that a 5 year old shouldn't be wandering the street unsupervised.

 

[Leanna]

Redguard, I'm with you.

I just read a book about protecting children by Gavin Debecker.

At least the opening post.... I haven't been able to read further yet.....

 

[JulySheMustFly]

Your neighborhood sounds like mine.

My children are not permitted to play in the front yard without a trusted adult out front as well. My 6.5 year old finds this incredibly annoying but that's too bad. They are all allowed to play in our back yard unsupervised. We live in a neighborhood with a quick neighbor turn over rate. Of the 12 house in our immediate section we've had 7 neighbor changes in the past year and there is currently a house for sale so we'll be getting another shortly. I trust my next door neighbors but not the extended neighborhood.

They are my children to protect. When they can show me that on their own they can make safe decisions then I'll reconsider my position. Right now, they don't have that judgement.

 

[marezee]

Pardon my harshness here but I must say your friend is NUTS! I don't even leave my children with a babysitter without checking into their background at least a bit! I'm sorry to put it so bluntly but I just couldn't think of any better way to say it as that's like playing with fire!

OH! she is NOT my friend! just a neighbor!
She cannot stand me because everytime i see her "boyfriend" outside I tell the boys "see that guy? stay away from him, he's a bad man." I say it loud enough so they hear me. yup! i don't care. i want them to know that I know!!! KWIM?
also, she lets her dog out without a leash and it started coming to our fenced in yard and barking at my boys--scaring them half to death!!
so i reported her to the animal control officer. she was fined on 4 counts...not only was the dog out without a leash, but it wasn't liscensed either. sorry lady! but i protect my children!

 

[Birbitt]

Oh, sorry. But she is still NUTS! And good for you! I'd do the same thing, I'd make it known to all the world that that man is not a good person to be near! And I'd have called animal control too...I don't do loose dogs!! EVER! anyway YOU GO GIRL!

 

[marezee]

Oh, sorry. But she is still NUTS! And good for you! I'd do the same thing, I'd make it known to all the world that that man is not a good person to be near! And I'd have called animal control too...I don't do loose dogs!! EVER! anyway YOU GO GIRL!

gee thanks!

 

[heart of peace]

Redguard, from what you described you sound borderline normal/overprotective. Does the way you are bother you at all?

I think if you have to choose a side, leaning towards being overprotective is better than being too permissive.

 

[Leanna]

Some people might think I am overprotective, but I don't think its "over" protective, I think its perfectly appropriate. I do not believe young children have much to contribute to their own safety. No matter how much you teach them, they will still be immature for years. Head knowledge does not equal wisdom.

 

[Joykins]

I don't think it's overprotective. Our area is similar to yours only there are fewer children (there are more older couples on our side of the townhouse development). My 4-yo can go outside to play "alone" if there is an older child with her and I can see her from my kitchen window.

My 7-yo can go out alone. There are boundaries where he is allowed alone also (within sight if I stand in the doorway of our house). If he is with a friend he can venture farther. Still he knows how far and where he is allowed to go and when he has to let us know where he is going etc.

There were kids in this neighborhood, little toddlers running around in the street when cars were moving in/out etc. I ALWAYS had to look when backing out my car to make sure there was no one in the street and move them out if they were--this kid was messing with gas tank caps etc. ...I would totally freak if my child were in danger like that.

 

[gracepaints]

Some people might think I am overprotective, but I don't think its "over" protective, I think its perfectly appropriate. I do not believe young children have much to contribute to their own safety. No matter how much you teach them, they will still be immature for years. Head knowledge does not equal wisdom.

Yeah that.

I would say though that I hope, when the times comes, that my kiddo has a place where he can run around and *feel* unsupervised, even if he will still be under my watchful eye. A certain amount of freedom to explore and go on adventures is part of childhood, don't you think? I ran up and down the block like that when I was 6 years old (though I am sure someone was watching, even if I didn't know it). We obviously don't live in that time anymore, but I would hate my own kid to feel like he was always under the eye of Big Brother (or Big Mommy, as it were) and unable to do anything without her breathing on him.

 

[TexasSky]

I think 5 is much too young for that kind of thing.

That said, it ~may~ not be what it appears to be.

My children grew up in a neighborhood where a lot of people were always watching over the children, even if it didn't appear to be the case. Every mother had the curtains on her plate glass windows open wide. There were always older children around. Children had limits regarding where they were allowed to zip around, and you might never see the watching parent until a child zipped out of those limits.

After a certain age though, you need to give them a little more leeway. You spoke of 3 to 13 as if you think the 13 year old should have the same restrictions the 3 year old had.

I do agree that in the street is never smart.

I also taught my children to be VERY careful about crossing a sidewalk where cars were parked in a drive. They were to look for driver's about to back out. (My pet peeve is for anyone, even an adult, to stroll across my driveway when I am obviously about to back out. What if I fail to see them someday?)

 

[Redguard]

I don't mind the 13 yr olds out playing.

It's just the way they zip around across the streets on their bikes without helmets... or slowly ride their bikes in front of you without moving out the way with that, "I dare you to hit me" attitude.