"Out of my league"

[lostaquarium]

When you think about "leagues", are you talking purely in terms of looks? Or are you talking about the whole package, including character?

I get so confused when I hear men saying, "she's out of my league" when refering to physically attractive women, when they know nothing about their personalities. Why such a focus? I agree looks play a part in overall attractiveness, but to me they're one of the least important things. When I consider a guy "out of my league", it's because he's incredibly smart, kind, funny, popular, etc... maybe good-looking too but not necessarily. Whereas if I met a guy who's physically gorgeous but has a vacuous personality, I'd consider myself "out of his league".

What are your thoughts on this? Have I simply mis-understood the phrase?

 

[radhead]

It's an immature/worldly phrase. It usually refers to a person's looks.

 

[Themistocles]

When you think about "leagues", are you talking purely in terms of looks? Or are you talking about the whole package, including character?

I get so confused when I hear men saying, "she's out of my league" when refering to physically attractive women, when they know nothing about their personalities. Why such a focus? I agree looks play a part in overall attractiveness, but to me they're one of the least important things. When I consider a guy "out of my league", it's because he's incredibly smart, kind, funny, popular, etc... maybe good-looking too but not necessarily. Whereas if I met a guy who's physically gorgeous but has a vacuous personality, I'd consider myself "out of his league".

What are your thoughts on this? Have I simply mis-understood the phrase?

For a guy a girl who's "out of his league" is a girl who'd clearly reject him. Which has a lot to do with looks because if a girl is very nice, funny, smart, etc, you probably don't know how she'll respond. Nice girls generally don't think of guys in terms of leagues. She may reject you but it's kind of up in the air.

Guys probably shouldn't consider nice AND attractive girls out of their league, but that's another story. When I say a girl is "out of my league" most of the time I don't mean that in a good way. I usually mean something like, "yeah, she's hot and probably full of herself". I'm not particularly disappointed that she's out of my league. Not always. I met a girl the other day who was clearly "out of my league" but that had to do with her being, like, a pretty, nice, astrophysicist or something. But generally, girls who are "out of my league" are girls better left alone anyway.

 

[Gibsonian]

I agree with your take on it lostaquarium, but for most it is looks only I believe. Either way, out of league is out of league (not getting that)

 

[septemberskies]

It simply means that the person is so attractive there is no way the person would even consider you as a potential future significant other.

I've said this on several occasions to be honest. And studies do show that people with certain physical characteristics will choose people that match them (not all of the time but most of the time).

 

[Inkachu]

To men, the attractiveness of the woman on their arm is a status symbol, like their car or their house. It's like a poor person gazing wistfully at a Lamborghini. It's something "meant for someone else".

 

[Riot Riot Riot]

Usually when I say a guy is "out of my league", I mean that he's in a completely different social standing than I am.
His friends, where he hangs out, what he does, how much money he has, etc. It's all way different than me, so therefore he's not really even a choice as far as dating goes.
He may be attractive, too, but I don't normally consider that.

But it's okay. I'm fine with it.

 

[Schneiderman]

The concept of "leagues" only exists for people to justify their lack of confidence.

 

[StartedAtEly]

I've always understood it in general terms i.e. you think she would just reject you. The exact reasons are less important than the bottom line.

 

[JasperJackson]

I think it's synonymous to being "unequally yoked". Now, the true biblical interpretation of that passage from scripture (2 Cor 6:14) is for Christians not to marry non-Christians, but I think the concept can extend to two Christians who are at very different places in their spiritual walk and maturity.
When I was a new believer there were certainly times when I met a fantastic woman of God but thought something like "she's out of my league" because of a mismatch in our maturity.

 

[Tehchad]

The concept of "leagues" only exists for people to justify their lack of confidence.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
this.
I think OP has a good grasp on things.

Whenever I meet someone who says that, it's like opening up the Hoover Dam. I know this isn't the perfect way to handle it, but it really is an excuse. I harass and badger them that they ARE good enough and they should go say hi to said "upper leaguer."
Best pickup line ever? "Hi! My name is Chad. What's yours?" Then you might think of a question that you would ask an old friend like: "What are you up to these days?"
I hate it when people have that lack of confidence. I'm not sure hate is strong enough here. Abhor? So often the "upper leaguer" isn't worth the time of day but their confidence issues and their skewed viewpoint hinder them from meeting some really nice people.

Wow, that turned into a bit of a rant.... :-J

 

[JasperJackson]

Oh, and as soon as I saw this thread, this song came to mind (and I can't get it out)...
YouTube - Dirty Dancing - She's Like the Wind

 

[trentlogain2]

it sounds to me like you know exactly what the phrase means, OP.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Always thought it meant she was in the AFC while I'm in the NFC.

 

[lostaquarium]

Interesting responses I'm glad I'm not alone. Also it's interesting to know that different people use the phrase in different ways.

 

[ulu]

The concept of "leagues" only exists for people to justify their lack of confidence.

I disagree. There are many very confident young men. For the great majority of them, however, maria sharapova, is "out of their league"

Confidence can only go so far.

 

[Tehchad]

I disagree. There are many very confident young men. For the great majority of them, however, maria sharapova, is "out of their league"

Confidence can only go so far.

I still contest. Though that whole "Ruskie" thing might be a barrier there; I don't know how good her English is.

 

[lostaquarium]

I disagree. There are many very confident young men. For the great majority of them, however, maria sharapova, is "out of their league"

Confidence can only go so far.

I'm really glad you brought up this example I too would consider Maria Sharapova out of many men's leagues. This isn't because of her looks though... if she looks exactly the same but can't play tennis, she wouldn't be out of anyone's league. But the fact that she's a tennis pro shows incredible strength of character, persistence, bravery, etc... and it's her character that makes her so unattainable, not her looks alone.

 

[Niels]

I find it amusing when two people think that they are out of each others' leagues. He thinks she's too good for her while she thinks he's too good for her, or he thinks she's too good for him while she thinks he's too good for her. It ultimately boils down to attraction and compatibility. When those things are present, leagues suddenly become irrelevant.

 

[Tallerthanatree]

The concept of "leagues" only exists for people to justify their lack of confidence.

Aye.