out of control

[jay2010]

hi guys

i am new here i am 28 been struggling with bulimia and ano for about 8 years. i am really not coping at the minute. my therapy is not working out. i live in the uk and if i quit therapy i will not be able to get another one, its too complicated to explain but i will have limited support. my therapy focuses on the food and behaviours and the weight and its making me worse. the last couple of months i have been struggling with binging and purging and the last few weeks have been really chaotic, completely out of control, constant through the day. im finding it impossible to break the cycle, im terrfied by the money, time, and energy wasted as i constantly buy food to replace food and all the lies that go with it. every time i come to my senses i end up in floods of tears not able to cope and don't have a clue how to express myself. i guess i know noone can help me really i guess im just looking for some comfort. i don't care enough anymore to muster up the energy to TRY to get out of this current cycle, cos every time i do i end up back in it. but its hell. complete hell and i can't stand living like this anymore. thanks for listening.

 

[Criada]

i am so sorry you are struggling with this... and I know how hard it is to get help in the uk... I work with teens with eating disorders, and have seen how difficult it is for them.
If you need a listening ear, sweetie, please PM me (you'll need to make fifteen posts first, I think)

 

[RuthD]

I feel I have felt like you. I had binging and purging for many years. I once saw a counselor about it and it helped. I did a food journal (which could be great) but my bulimia continued way longer. I asked myself why am I doing this? I knew the answer and after continually telling myself why I did it I quit doing it for the most part. I have had many days of binging but I don't often purge any longer. It was one of the most awful things I've been through. I still don't feel totally healed because I still eat too much or very fattening things at time. If you want to talk about it please pm me. God bless you.

 

[PKgirl87]

sorry you're feeling this way. im pretty much on the same boat as you w/o therapy. i think what disturbs me is that you focus on food/weight/behavior in therapy? shouldnt it be focused on the root, not the symptoms? the roots like your feelings, life changes, childhood junk, etc. maybe something to discuss with your therapist.

hang in there, youre not alone.

 

[RuthD]

sorry you're feeling this way. im pretty much on the same boat as you w/o therapy. i think what disturbs me is that you focus on food/weight/behavior in therapy? shouldnt it be focused on the root, not the symptoms? the roots like your feelings, life changes, childhood junk, etc. maybe something to discuss with your therapist.

hang in there, youre not alone.

I agree totally. Best wishes to you.

 

[Illuminated]

Ya,
Have you dealt with your root feelings?
Cause I know the culture in the UK is quite reserved and you don't talk about what's really going on as much... it's sota the same here in Canada.
Whatever you're feeling is valid. Here's a good write up I have from a counselor:

It is OK

It is okay to be afraid of the things we don’t understand.
It is okay to feel anxious when things aren’t working our way.
It is okay to feel lonely even when with other people.
It is okay to feel unfulfilled because you know something is missing even if your not sure what it is.
It is okay to think and worry and cry.
It is okay to do whatever you have to do, but just remember too that eventually you are going to adjust to the changes life brings your way, and you will realize it is okay to love again and to laugh again, and it is okay to get to the point where the life you live is full and satisfying and good to you: and it will be that way because you chose it that way.


More to say, not enough time... ttyl...

 

[jay2010]

i wanted to thank you all so much for your kind and thoughftul replies. ive been here reading and thinking from time to time but just can't bring myself to reply....just kind of numb really but i wanted to let you know ive been really helped by how understanding and helpful you have all been. i don't wanna be going round this same old mountain the rest of my life and i know you guys whoever is in the same boat don't too. i believe hope is the key...lets borrow hope form those who have it when we lose our hope. cos we all lose it from time to time but God always restores it. this is day one of no binging and purging. i am not setting myself unrealistic goals by saying no binging and purging, but am aiming towards that and stability in my eating, i wanna focus less on my behaviours and more on building myself up with positive affirmations, bible verses, confidence exercises etc. i am taking a break from therapy for a few weeks for me to do this, and hopefully sort things out with my therapy, either leaving or getting transferred. unfortunately where i live their approach isn't too much different eveb if i get transferred, but if get someone who likes me, or who i get on with, that will be a major difference for me.
my husbands family now know about my ed. this is also a stress at the minute. in one way its a relief in the other its stressful....i have still to talk to them about it!
God bless all of you. never ever give up. always look to the word of God and know God wants to restore us of our shame a double portion of everything weve lost. lets see a vision of ourselves somewhere in the future doing something that we are not doing now cos of the ed, imagine it, and let God bring it to be. x

 

[RuthD]