Our Lying Faces

[Chrysalis Kat]

Ive talked to her about reporting it, but she doesnt want to endanger her father. I cant report it untill shes willing to talk about it to other people. Im working with her on that but it might take a little bit.

I understand your sentiments but there are trained professionals that are able to do this much better the rest of us and with all of our best intentions.Really.
Also, you are legally obligated to report this. Did you know that? You aren't helping her or yourself but keeping this matter private. Let the professionals handle this in the best way possible for all involved. They will be able to gain her confidence. She has made an outcry to you and that cry needs to be heard by those that can do some real good here and have the power of authority to do it.You can even report this anomously if you prefer, but do report it your local child protective services.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

Alecto, I can understand your concern for the child's trust, and your more philosophical concerns about lies and implied lies. But, as others have said, there is a more important issue at stake here. A child is getting abused. You have a duty - both moral and legal - to report it, IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait for the child to tell you to do it. Report it NOW. Not doing so lets the child down. I realise you don't want to break her confidence, but you must. If, as a result of it, the child never speaks to you again, but her abuse stops, that is a price you must be prepared to pay for her sake.

If you care for this child - and clearly, you do - then report it. And let the chips fall where they may, because if you don't report it, this child is going to continue to be raped until she is old enough to leave home. You are her only hope.

Don't let her down.

 

[SallyNow]

You do realize that you MUST report this to the authorities? If you do not, you are as guilty as her monster of a father.

Sorry, but I do agree with this. Call the police. Don't wait. Her father belongs in jail, not in his house where he can destroy his child's life.

As for lying-this man, this scum, is representing himself as an upstanding citizen who believes in what is said the Bible, correct? And yet he is doing something so awful, so horrible. So, if he claims to be an upstanding citizen, then, yes, he is lying. But this sort of thing now seems to be part of our daily lives...

 

[Alecto]

Ok, call the police and tell them what? If she denies it, IM going to get in trouble. The only evidence I have of this ever happening is her word. I know she wouldnt lie to me but if I report it, the police go to her and she says "Nope, it never happend" them Im in some SERIOUSLY deep and hot water.

I KNOW I should report this, I want to run down to the police station right now and tell them but if I have nothing to show then Im gonna get in trouble and I guarantee you shes not going to tell anyone else about this.

Im working with her as hard as I can to get her to agree to tell the police if I contact them. But as it stands at this moment, she would deny it ever happened. Her father has convinced her that its a loving tender thing and its not wrong. Im doing my best to un-do that but to bring the police in at this point in time would mean severe consequences for me and I cant help her if Im forbidden to see her.

 

[Illuminatus]

Ok, call the police and tell them what? If she denies it, IM going to get in trouble. The only evidence I have of this ever happening is her word. I know she wouldnt lie to me but if I report it, the police go to her and she says "Nope, it never happend" them Im in some SERIOUSLY deep and hot water.

There's a *far* more involved process than that. At the very least, a medical examination should prove out what she's saying.

 

[BelfastRaj]

Exactly. You have the responsibility to the kid. Even if she initially denies it to interviewers, they are extremely tenacious as to finding out the truth, one way or the other. Only if it's conclusively proved that you're lying deliberately will there be legal consequences to you.

 

[Alecto]

This is not the first person this has happened to. A good friend of mine got in some SERIOUSLY deep trouble when he accused someone of rape and the girl denied it because she didnt feel it was rape even though she TOLD him specifically what happend.

 

[Chrysalis Kat]

Ok, call the police and tell them what? If she denies it, IM going to get in trouble.

You won't be in any trouble, You are acting in good faith! I don't know where you live but do know if you have a Child Protective Service in your area? If so, report this to them. They will take matters from there. There is a national hotline for making reports.From any state, to get immediate guidance and help when you suspect child abuse, call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline:1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
The National Child Abuse Hotline will give you the local agency for you to call to report the incident. The abuse report must eventually go to an agency within your own state.
You probably will be relieved to know that:
If you report child abuse, it is unlikely that the child will be removed from their home immediately. The authorities will investigate to find out if your suspicions are correct. If child abuse is confirmed, the child would then be removed from the home and placed in safe care.
You do not have to give your name when you report child abuse, in most states.
The child abuser cannot find out who reported them.
Remember that suspected abuse is sufficient reason to make a report to authorities. You do not need proof. Your call may make the difference in the very life of a child.

 

[Chrysalis Kat]

This is not the first person this has happened to. A good friend of mine got in some SERIOUSLY deep trouble when he accused someone of rape and the girl denied it because she didnt feel it was rape even though she TOLD him specifically what happend.

This is a completely different matter. You are reporting what you have been told by a child. No one will accuse you of being vindictive or filing a false report. The professionals will investigate this throughly! The only wrong thing you could do is not report it.
Feel free to google "reporting child abuse" and you'll see that I am telling you the truth.

 

[hernyaccent]

Ok, call the police and tell them what? If she denies it, IM going to get in trouble. The only evidence I have of this ever happening is her word. I know she wouldnt lie to me but if I report it, the police go to her and she says "Nope, it never happend" them Im in some SERIOUSLY deep and hot water.

I KNOW I should report this, I want to run down to the police station right now and tell them but if I have nothing to show then Im gonna get in trouble and I guarantee you shes not going to tell anyone else about this.

Im working with her as hard as I can to get her to agree to tell the police if I contact them. But as it stands at this moment, she would deny it ever happened. Her father has convinced her that its a loving tender thing and its not wrong. Im doing my best to un-do that but to bring the police in at this point in time would mean severe consequences for me and I cant help her if Im forbidden to see her.

They have professionals who will question the child. They have medical exams that they can conduct. You can even report it anynomous from a pay phone.

 

[Jetgirl]

Ive talked to her about reporting it, but she doesnt want to endanger her father. I cant report it untill shes willing to talk about it to other people. Im working with her on that but it might take a little bit.

Im just...I just dont understand why people feel like they need to live such lies. A monster puts on his party mask and suddenly everything is ok

Alecto~

You have to realize that she may NEVER want to endanger her father (who is in fact, endangering her).

You MUST go to the athorities for her sake, even if she hates you for it or she won't talk about it.

You have to be the responsable one here... and what a damn shame it is that anyone ever has to be in this particular position.

I have great sympathy for you and her, and urge immediate action.

 

[aimejl]

CPS is suppose to keep ALL reports anonymous the man will not even know that it was you who told. the girl may know if she gets mad she will realize in the long run it was to protect and help her.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I'm a little surprised at your reluctance to report this, Alecto, for whatever reason(s). Nothing I've seen in any of your previous posts in other threads has led me to think of you as anything but a moral person. You MUST report this. Nobody will 'get you in trouble'. You will be reporting what you have been told by a child. Whether she subsequently denies it or not, you will be applauded by those involved (welfare agencies, the cops etc.) for having done the right thing. And, as others have stated above, once you report it, professionals will be acting to ensure Anna's safety and well-being. Because that's what it's all about - Anna. You must act to protect her, whatever the consequences for yourself.

Think of her, being abused...the pain, the humilation...then afterwards, the tears, the remorse as she wonders what she's done or doing wrong to deserve this. Every day you delay reporting it means another day when the poor girl has to endure this torture.

Please, Alecto. Report it. Now. For Anna's sake.

 

[tcampen]

Ok, call the police and tell them what? If she denies it, IM going to get in trouble. The only evidence I have of this ever happening is her word. I know she wouldnt lie to me but if I report it, the police go to her and she says "Nope, it never happend" them Im in some SERIOUSLY deep and hot water.

I KNOW I should report this, I want to run down to the police station right now and tell them but if I have nothing to show then Im gonna get in trouble and I guarantee you shes not going to tell anyone else about this.

Im working with her as hard as I can to get her to agree to tell the police if I contact them. But as it stands at this moment, she would deny it ever happened. Her father has convinced her that its a loving tender thing and its not wrong. Im doing my best to un-do that but to bring the police in at this point in time would mean severe consequences for me and I cant help her if Im forbidden to see her.

Alecto,

As a criminal prosecutor of child abuse crimes, I can appreciate the difficult position you are in. On a side note, the issue of "lies" is irrelevant. The father is a pediphile, a monster, a man with a serious problem that is destroying this young woman - his own daughter. These types of people exist in all religious traditions, socio-economic backgrounds, cultural traditions, you name it. It is independent of those variables. There is simply something wrong internally with the father, and I don't know if he will ever stop.

His daughter is likely NOT the only victim. There are others, perhaps dozens, who've had some kind of inappropriate sexual experience with this man. He must be stopped.

You must report this. Keep in mind that you can speak with a reporting agency in your area. Without divulging who you are talking about, let them know everything you know about the situation, and ask how they would proceed. Even without the daughter's direct participation (statements), there may be other evidence available. DNA and other evidence can be collected through a rape exam that could positively link the father to the act. You may already have enough evidence at your disposal for the police to get a warrant to get the exam without the parent's consent (although it would have to be within a reasonable time of the act, and before taking a shower, etc.)

The harm that reporting this crime would cause to the young woman by reporting this would be significant. But by comparison, the harm resulting from allowing it to continue is certainly worse - not only for her, but for all the future victims that will necessarily follow if this man is not stopped. Again, I understand you don't want to report something that can't be substantiated, but give your local authorities a chance (without divulging the names) to see if it is worth the risk. It's the least you can do.

You must stop him.