Ouch!!

[Splayd]

After nearly 16 years of marriage, my wife walked into the loungeroom and asked the kids who they want to live with. I was dumbfounded and felt like a complete idiot as I thought things were going well in our marriage.

The whole things just devastated me and the kids, but she plans to leave as soon as she can find a flat. It's not like there's been a particular event that started it all and we haven't been fighting. Heck - we'd even made reservations for a romantic dinner this weekend... but she's just decide she's not happy with out marriage. It's just horrible and to make things worse, she'll be taking my 2 sons with her (2 and 12 yrs old). The girls (14 and 15) will be staying with me but the very idea of breaking the family up like that makes me sick to the stomach. I hate that she's put the burden on the kids to decide where to live. Heck - I hate everything about this whole mess.

Please pray for me and my family as we work through it all.

Peace

 

[GoNoles]

Personally, I'd fight her over the kids... no way my wife would take my son away from me.

 

[Splayd]

Well the latest development is that my eldest son told my wife that he's going to stay with me and the girls.. but the whole idea of my wife asking the kids to make such decisions is literally making me sick to the stomach. They must be feeling some degree of guilt about it all and that's not fair.

As much as it would completely tear me up, I'd almost prefer to leave myself to keep the kids together and take the burden off them, rather than have the kids split between us... but realistically I'm probably too emotional to be making rational decisions right now. As much as I still love my wife, the thought of her taking my 2 yr old away from me is the thing I'm really struggling with the most. I really need to pray that one through and weight it all up.

In the meantime my biggest hope is that she'll realise she's making a mistake and just stay... but even that's going to mean a lot of work now if we're to repair the damage that's been done already. I know people go through this sort of stuff all the time, but damn it hurts.

 

[GoNoles]

have YOU talked with a lawyer? might be the best thing considering...

has she even talked about what she's going through? no offense meant, honestly - but it's hard to believe that this was 100% unexpected. I'm not saying that some people can't hide things... they certainly can, but what's going-on to make her want to leave?

 

[Splayd]

have YOU talked with a lawyer? might be the best thing considering...

Call me naive, but I hope to avoid that... at least for now.

has she even talked about what she's going through? no offense meant, honestly - but it's hard to believe that this was 100% unexpected. I'm not saying that some people can't hide things... they certainly can, but what's going-on to make her want to leave?

Oh believe me - I feel like a complete fool that I didn't see anything coming.

On the one hand, some might say it was inevitable. As beautiful and talented as she is, my wife's managed to drive away every single friend she's ever had. She's even written off her family over the years. She tends to make friends easily, but once she gets close, she ditches them. I'm guessing it goes back to her father abandoning her as a child and then killing himself when she found him again. OK - so it's pop psychology, but I figure she's got issues with rejection and intimacy so she just leaves others before they can leave her. Consequently we've had our share of junk in the past where she's beome infatuated with someone else, only to crash in a heap and coming running back to me to confess all before it got too out of hand. In that regard this isn't a surprise at all.

On the other hand though - the last few years of our marriage had been the best they've ever been. Those problems of the past seemed far behind us and she was really starting to come out of her shell and open up. I'd been telling all the knockers that our marriage had come good in the last couple of years and that it had been worth the wait.

She's just saying things never were good and it's time to cut her losses and run. Mind you - given her past, I'm half expecting that she'll turn around again... BUT I'm not sure that I'm ready to be walked all over again especially after this one's rocked the kids so much. I'm really quite torn over it all.

 

[GoNoles]

I agree about the kids. Your marriage and relationship is separate from the kids - and you hae to protect them. If she's as unstable about relationships as you say, then she could easily pass-along those same insecurities to the kids, especially the most impressionable 2 year-old. I just want to encourage you to fight for your kids... and I'll be praying for you as well. It sounds like she needs to see her doctor... maybe some depression and other stuff going on, too.