Orthodox Parenting Books

[jas3]

I'm interested in reading some books on parenting from an Orthodox perspective. Has anyone read any of these, or have any others to recommend?

• Raising them Right, collected writings of St. Theophan the Recluse, Ancient Faith Publishing (AFP)
• Parenting Toward the Kingdom, Philip Mamalakis
• Family Life, published by OCPC/OCA
• Spiritual Counsels of the Elder Paisios: Family Life, Alexander Press
• Walking in Wonder, Elizabeth White
• Children in the Church Today, Sr. Magdalen, SVS Press
• Blueprints for the Little Church, Elissa Bjeletich and Caleb Shoemaker
• Following a Sacred Path, Elizabeth White
• On the Upbringing of Children, Bp. Irenaius
• On Marriage and Family Life, collected writings of St. John Chrysostom, SVS Press

I have the last one in that list and have found it to be edifying, although I've been curious about others that discuss childrearing more extensively.

 

[ArmyMatt]

honestly, look at the services that deal with this kinda stuff like the Wedding service, Naming prayers, baptism, etc.

and, I would add what the Bible says concerning marriage and raising children as well. that should be where we start.

 

[jas3]

honestly, look at the services that deal with this kinda stuff like the Wedding service, Naming prayers, baptism, etc.

and, I would add what the Bible says concerning marriage and raising children as well. that should be where we start.

Thanks Father, I'll look into these.

I've gotten three of the books on this list since they were in my parish's bookstore: Raising them Right, Parenting Toward the Kingdom, and Blueprints for the Little Church. I've started with Raising them Right.

So far, most of the advice seems reasonable, but I'm confused in particular about St. Theophan's instruction to discourage curiosity. On this, he says:

"The fundamental things which arouse and draw one towards sin are: arbitrariness of mind (or curiosity) in the mental faculty, self-will in the faculty of will, and pleasures in the faculty of feeling...

It is impossible not to use the senses, for it is only through them that one may know the things one must know for the glory of God and our own good. But in doing this it is impossible to avoid curiosity, which is an irresistible inclination to see and hear without purpose - what is being done where, and how things are. How should one act in this regard?

Investigation is already inevitably curiosity. Curiosity consists in trying to know everything without order, without aim, without distinguishing whether it is needful or not. And so, it is only necessary that one should preserve a measure and order in exercising the senses, and direct them only to what is needful and to awareness of what is needful - then there will be no food for curiosity. That is, one must train the child to investigate what is considered to be essential for hum, but to refrain from and avoid everything else. Then, in the very act of investigating, one should preserve a progressive order - not jumping from subject to subject, or from one feature to another, but looking at one thing after another and taking care afterwards to picture the subject in the mind in a fitting way."

In context, these selections come from the chapter on children who are too young to read. I can see how morbid curiosity about evil things can be sinful. But I struggle to see how there is anything wrong with a child being curious about his surroundings.

 

[ArmyMatt]

But I struggle to see how there is anything wrong with a child being curious about his surroundings.

I think he means curiosity without guidance.

 

[jas3]

I finished Raising them Right yesterday. It was a fairly short read, something like 86 pages. I wasn't sure what to expect going in, since I tried to find reviews of the book and found someone on the Orthodox Christianity reddit page who was deeply concerned about how strict the guidance was (in particular how children should be eager to ask for permission to do something).

I did find a few things to be very strict and probably not practically achievable - limiting how much food and sleep a baby gets, complete abstinence from entertainment, and discouragement of teenagers reading fiction, for example. It's hard to tell if something has been lost in translation or if the advice on these points really is that strict, but the guiding principles can certainly be implemented: having a regular sleep routine, feeding reasonable amounts of healthy food, using discretion with entertainment, and avoiding pop fiction books, would be my thoughts.

The rest of the material, while it might seem strict to some parents, seems straightforward to me. The part about how children should want to ask permission, for example, in context is just saying that children should be accustomed to asking their parents before doing something. That was the expectation when I was growing up; you let your parents know where you were going, you asked if you could play at a friend's house, you asked permission to use the computer. From what I've seen, that's the only healthy way to raise a child; I did know a few kids who seemed to be allowed to do whatever they wanted, and that didn't turn out well.

Most of the other advice can be summarized as practicing moderation in all things, being a guide to your children in their faith and formation, being an example of piety for your children, laying a firm foundation for the children's faith in the home, and keeping their religious formation the top priority over and above academic studies and other secular pursuits.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I finished Raising them Right yesterday. It was a fairly short read, something like 86 pages. I wasn't sure what to expect going in, since I tried to find reviews of the book and found someone on the Orthodox Christianity reddit page who was deeply concerned about how strict the guidance was (in particular how children should be eager to ask for permission to do something).

I did find a few things to be very strict and probably not practically achievable - limiting how much food and sleep a baby gets, complete abstinence from entertainment, and discouragement of teenagers reading fiction, for example. It's hard to tell if something has been lost in translation or if the advice on these points really is that strict, but the guiding principles can certainly be implemented: having a regular sleep routine, feeding reasonable amounts of healthy food, using discretion with entertainment, and avoiding pop fiction books, would be my thoughts.

The rest of the material, while it might seem strict to some parents, seems straightforward to me. The part about how children should want to ask permission, for example, in context is just saying that children should be accustomed to asking their parents before doing something. That was the expectation when I was growing up; you let your parents know where you were going, you asked if you could play at a friend's house, you asked permission to use the computer. From what I've seen, that's the only healthy way to raise a child; I did know a few kids who seemed to be allowed to do whatever they wanted, and that didn't turn out well.

Most of the other advice can be summarized as practicing moderation in all things, being a guide to your children in their faith and formation, being an example of piety for your children, laying a firm foundation for the children's faith in the home, and keeping their religious formation the top priority over and above academic studies and other secular pursuits.

you gotta contextualize it to what the author was seeing when he was writing, especially when coming from a monastic saint.

 

[jas3]

Another one: Orthodox Christian Parenting: Recipes for Raising Children published by Zoe Press