I have been a Christian for quite some time. But for the most of my Christian life, I have suffered severe depression. I have been in 9 different mental hospitals, many drugs, and 6 shock therapy's. All I have is a damaged brain, severe memory dysfunction, and concentration problems. No recovery whatsoever. I am blessed though. Somehow I have a paid off condo, an excellent wife, and son. But I have no life, no friends, and am on disability. I am 29, and I am tired of living (I am not suicidal). I am not interested in anything. My mind is worsening and I am less able to do the things that might improve my case. I feel spiritually dead often. My hope has left me. I do not experience God's love, and my faith is in crisis. When I think about how much mental pain I have endured, it makes me doubt whether the Lord has abandoned me. This is not a life with the grace of God that I can discern in any way for the majority of the time. It is dark, paranoid, lonely, and with many sleepless nights. I wait patiently. What else can I do. Perhaps, the Lord will return for me. My faith is weak. My hope is weak. And my love is weak. There are no answers here. But can anyone relate? And if you find the time, say a prayer for me.
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