Opinions for Honesty

[the_Fallen]

I am sixteen and a half, and found this would be the best place to recieve opinions from religious parents. This is my story in a breif summary. and my parents only know anything with a star

*I have been raised in a christian home and go to church every sunday, and youth 2-3 times a week
- I've drank since I was eleven (only becoming more often in the past year)
-I Swear
-I smoke Cannibis (on occasion)
-I lost my virginity to a boy I was in love with when I was 15, and since then I have slept with eight different guys (I never felt shame for loosing it)
*My parents hate the way I dress ("scene" or "emo")
-I have serious body image issues that have let me to anorexia, bulemia, and over eating at different stages of my life (this has slightly stabelized)
-I cut my wrists and legs sometimes (*at one point in grade 8 my parents found out and I went to therapy)
-I used to smoke (I did for about a year early 2007-early 2008)
-I have found that I am more inclined toward Deist beliefs of the 1800s
-*I feel my parents expect too much of me in school, yet I also feel they don't support me in any post-secondary decisions.
-I also feel my parents don't support me in extra cirricuar intrest ( recently told my mum this)
-I am planning on moving out and to a different city in summer 2009 with my current boyfriend, who has also expressed intrest in getting engaged (we are very much in love)

I would like to know how you, as parents believing in the christian faith, would react to finding all of this out, even if it was just one thing at a time. I want to be able to tell my parents this. I no longer want to have their religious expectations and critic comments placed on me. I live a very privelidged life and am so thankful for that, but I know the life I live is not what my parents would approve of, and open the possibility of leaving me without a roof over my head, or living a very miserable life at home. I don't know how my parents will react to it.

 

[BeanMak]

Any parent, Christian or not, would be concerned, alarmed, worried, by the a lot of the list you have there. You are carrying a LOT of pain in that list. If I found out my child was cutting, eating disordered, substance using, or had slept with 8 guys in 1 year, I would be heading to family counseling fast.

I wouldn't presume to know your family situation from one post on an internet site, but there is a LOT you guys need to talk about. I always said that Jesus told the parable of the prodigal son especially so I would know He understood what was happening in my family's life. First I wandered far, and then my son did. But I knew that my father would open his arms for me, and I have opened my arms for my child. I pray the same is true for you.

 

[Neenie1]

Any parent, Christian or not, would be concerned, alarmed, worried, by the a lot of the list you have there. You are carrying a LOT of pain in that list. If I found out my child was cutting, eating disordered, substance using, or had slept with 8 guys in 1 year, I would be heading to family counseling fast.

I wouldn't presume to know your family situation from one post on an internet site, but there is a LOT you guys need to talk about. I always said that Jesus told the parable of the prodigal son especially so I would know He understood what was happening in my family's life. First I wandered far, and then my son did. But I knew that my father would open his arms for me, and I have opened my arms for my child. I pray the same is true for you.

I agree.

It's really hard for me to answer this because my kids are really little.

Your question of how I would react to that list. I would be freaking out first, but hopefully able to try and work it out with my child. I know that dh and I wouldn't be able to handle it on our own, but we would need a 3rd party.

One thing I would never do is kick them out. Also my parents had the same view, that whatever we did, they wouldn't kick us out so I am hoping that I'll have the same opinion when my kids become teenagers.

 

[gracepaints]

Sounds to me like you plan on continuing a lot of these behaviors (the drinking, the smoking, the swearing, the pre-marital sex). You already know that your parents would disapprove and when you to stop. What exactly are you hoping will happen by telling your parents about all this at the current time?

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

If I were your parent, I'd be very sad, greiving, but only because I love you so much that it hurts me to see you hurting - whether thats a bump on the head at 3 or such self destructive behaviour at 16...

 

[marezee]

you are obvioulsy a troubled person and in need of guidance/help.
Is there anyone you could confide in at youth group? a leader perhaps?

As a parent, i definitely would be alarmed, confused, angry, sad, worried, etc. I would certainly not disown you, but try to understand why these things are prominent in your life when you have been raised to be a Christian. I would also seek a 3rd party for guidance in how to handle it.

 

[twob4me]

Praying for you.

 

[DamagedNothing]

You sound almost like me at that age. Almost. Very close. My kids are still little, just 6 and 3, so it's hard for me to imagine being the parent of a teenager at this time. But I can tell you what I did when I was in your type of position.. I didn't tell my parents. They found out on their own and gave me heck for it. But they would have given me heck anyway. You know your parents better than anyone on this forum, and none of us would necessarily react the same just because we're Christians, so ultimately it's got to be your call whether to tell them or not and how you wish to do it. If it's all about declaring your independence and putting your foot down for your own sake, I would recommend saving it for next year, closer to the time you'll be moving out. Otherwise there may be a lot of friction between you and your parents that you won't easily be able to escape from. But again you've got to feel it out. I wish you all the best, your parents too, and your boyfriend, and no matter what happens remember these are temporary times and it will all level out eventually. This stage of life is difficult for everyone but we all make it to the other side somehow.

 

[Macx]

I have a daughter. I have also been .. . a difficult child.

I'd say, and say it cautiously, that you might consider not telling them a thing at this point. Chances are, you will mellow out or start making other life choices . . . It'll be better for your folks if they find out when it is "over". I know my folks recieved an abridged version after the fact, heard what stories they could stomach and were framed such that they could hit the brakes on a story if it was getting too much.

When I was your age, I was free style rock climbing drunk, driving in the fog at 100mph + and carried a meat cleaver in my coat pocket more often than not. I didn't do these things once or twice, but every chance I got. Sex was pretty much daily. I did lots of really, really bad stuff I can't even talk about on the internet . . . My folks and I have a great relationship now. My father is comming up and we are going camping for a bit this next Tue. Good stuff.

As a father, I hope to equip my daughter with everything she needs to be healthy and happy. I hope to empower her, train her in combat, in history and science, I want her to know things and be a step ahead of her peers at every turn. I could be wrong but I think alot of the angst of your generation comes from not being empowered, of everybody being so afraid of another school shooting that the world you are forced to grow up in is draconian and pretty twisted. I think the body image stuff is straight poison from Hollywood . . . I have some ideas that may help with that. When my daughter rebels, it'll have to be dressing up as Barbie, because her mother and I are pretty unconventional.

In short, hang in there .. . . I'd hold off on spilling everything to the folks . . . consider safer life choices.

P.S. I gues they call it

unroped free soloing

these days . . . back in the day, "no ropes, no second chances" we called freestyle.

 

[RedTulipMom]

As a christian parent i would be very sad to find out all this about my child. I would want to help them and bring them to counseling and to the Pastor. Cutting on yourself, drinking, smoking and eating disorders are all signs that you havent recieved the affection/attention that you need. If you havent recieved it from your parents you seek it elsewhere. What i hope you will consider is that GOD can give you what your missing..and only God! These other things will not satisfy only cause you grief in life. God will satisfy. Please consider giving your heart and life to Jesus and asking him for help. He WANTS to help you. I will be praying for you! huggs.