[open] What would you say is the hardest thing?

[oneandlonely]

What would you say is the hardest thing about being a PK/MK?

For me its having to "be perfect" in the eyes of Dad's church. And feeling like I'm living in a fishbowl.

What about you guys?

 

[Believer52]

I say that your view is not as it seem's i was a PK for over 40 years, and the expectation of being perfect is in the eyes of the beholder. You still have your life to live, however you owe respect to your parents weather or not you are a PK you should also respect the position you parents hold in the Church, and those that they serve. That's if they had a secular position or one in the church.

 

[Nienor]

I feel that because the congregation (whether intentionally or not) thought I was different/needed to be perfect, I have always thought that of myself and it's causing me problems in my current life. I've been reading a book about this, and it's interesting to note that the expectation that the PK should know more and should set an example is what leads to me wearing the mask I do most the time, the one that says nothings wrong, I'm doing great, I know my Bible perfectly and all the right answers. But I'm not ok, not at all, and I can't take off that mask and pretend that everything's less then perfect. Why? Because it would make other people feel bad if they knew how much they hurt me, and a PK is supposed to care for others more then themselves. I definitely feel like I was on the back burner for chunks of my life, that everything else was more important. And ya'know, it screws you up.

Anyway, I really recommend the book. It's called I Have to Be Perfect. I started a thread about it though

 

[KoolKat]

i think it's the every1 bugging me and asking me questions i don't have the answer to, people expect me to know everything my dad knows, it's annoying.

 

[Silvestra]

Just live life! Be yourself and life shall take its own course!

 

[KoolKat]

thanx

 

[BeautifulDestiny09]

the hardest thing is being in their shadows...I love going to church with my boyfriend, or going to visit other churches...there I'm just ME, I'm not Pastor _________'s daughter...

the most annoying thing is when I'm out and see people from other churches...and I immediately become spokesperson for my church/my parents
"How are your parents? How is church? where is it at?"
Its annoying!

 

[seeking.IAM]

I'm old enough to be the Father of everyone that's posted to this thread so far. From reading posts, I'd say that not much has changed about being a PK over the years.

For me, probably the worst part was feeling diminished as a person.

By that I mean, it never seemed to be about me, it always seemed to be about my Pastor/Father.

If I did good (and I did) or if I made a decision to live as a Christian, it wasn't, "Oh yes, the chap has a good head on his shoulders." It was more like, "Well of course he did, his Father is a minister."

If I did bad (and I did) it wasn't because I was a human being making the same mistakes as parishioners kids. It was like, "Well, he's a PK, you know how THEY are!"

I never much liked being judged with a different yardstick than the one they used to judge their own kids. Who did they think I was getting into trouble with anyway?

I am fond of saying that I became a Christian despite the fact that my Father was a Pastor, not because of it.

seeking.IAM
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[becky81101]

i am a pk/mk, but am now in my own leadership position at church. i would just like to post to encourage all of you.

i felt growing up that i needed to be perfect. what's funny, i didn't need to be. no one REALLY expected me to be. i felt like i needed to be. yes, there were some things in our family that were not highlighted because of my dad's position. but no one really expected me to be perfect. now that i'm older and in the adult leadership of the church, i'm actually friends with some people who watched me grow up. i've asked them this before. and they were honest and told me, it was actually kind of annoying for me to try to be perfect. plus, that's not my true personality.

for the one who mentioned being asked questions all the time... just politely let people know that you're just a kid! PLEASE don't feel like you need to grow up too quickly! a lot of PK's make that mistake... please enjoy being a regular kid!

someone else mentioned being in their dad's shadow. in that, i'd just like to encourage you that it will take time, but you will outgrow it. i was "___'s daughter" for SOOOO long. i even went to the same bible college as my dad and got the same thing!!! now that i'm older, have my own family and am in leadership and have proven myself to people that i'm my own person... it's not like that anymore. we actually had a family at our church attending for a few months and didn't even know my dad and me were related because he treats me as a leader, not his daughter!

just hang in there, you guys... being a PK/MK is a blessing. God has put you in that family for a reason. be encouraged!!!

becky

 

[ILove2Worship]

I am aswell as a MK my Step-Dad is the Youth Leader of our church and just took the position. He had it before when we were at our old church. So a total I have been a MK for probably 10 years now. It has its challenges. I feel that people look to me to stand out and be the one to take a stand for the way I believe. I do do that and all but I hate when people sterotype me that way. Yea I am a MK and that is how it is. I feel like I am the example, and I am not perfect. I live my life as perfect as I can but at the sametime its still a challenge. I dont want to live a double lifestyle. But the church doesnt need to know my every move right?

 

[vwsmartcar]

What would you say is the hardest thing about being a PK/MK?

For me its having to "be perfect" in the eyes of Dad's church. And feeling like I'm living in a fishbowl.

What about you guys?

Sorry about the double-post. I posted without reading first realizing that this post was already present. Sorry :-(

Stu

P.S. To all reading this, please add me as a MySpace friend if you have a MySpace profile. my address is:
www.myspace.com/stuartguthriemusic

 

[theAlphaandOmega]

Growing up as a pk I liked and disliked it. I like the way members treated me as a child, I always new that on my birthday and Christmas I would get gifts. There really wasn't much pressure on me at a young age.
It wasn't until I started to get older that I saw how the other kids treated me. Whenever we were in Sunday school or Children's church and a question was asked I knew the answer. The kids would say that was because I was the pastor's daughter that's why I was so smart. They were jealous, because if we had contest I would win.
When I was old enough to drive I started to attend another church (my best friend's father was the pastor there) I would attend on Sunday evenings and Wednesday nights and all their youth activities. It made things easier on me, a lot of the kids didn't know that my dad was also a pastor. When they did find out they were shocked, but didn't care.
What shocked me the most was when I screwed up and did something that a lot of teenagers, young adults do. I was looked down on even more than any of the other youth because my father was a pastor. It was like I should know better, or you are suppose to be perfect.
I understand that people get this idea stuck in their heads, not only about pastors, but their family as well. They expect you and your family to be perfect, never mess up. And when you do mess up, or fall from grace it's even harder for them to accept. I wish people would just realize that we are normal just like them, and make mistakes just like them.

 

[SoImAnticonformity]

hmmmm.... where do i start? haha
well id say the hardest thing is when people come against ur family for every little thing that happens at church and the turmoil and stress. i wish i could have back the time that being a PK sucks OUT OF YOU>
the hours and hours that you spend with these families and people, trying to help them, fighting with them, encouraging them and then they backstab you and ur family?!?! I could just scream. It's so sickning. i wish i could just go to church on sun mornings come home and not have to think or return to the place til the next sunday.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Being an example to all, but I am human too. So I feel like I will get critiziced more than one else because I am supposed to be "perfect".

 

[kateluvscoffee]

Rumors--that is the hardest thing about being a PK-in-law...before we moved, I wouldn't even be able to go to the store to buy a soda without it getting back to my mother-in-law...which then got to my father-in-law the pastor...

 

[rossignol]

The hardest things for me was spiritual attacks because my Dad was in the ministry and that my actions affected his career so I didn't feel I could be honest about struggles I had. Also it always felt like people were more important than me. People call him on the phone and need his help and it would take him away from me. I could be wanting to kill myself and he wouldn't notice but when someone called they were priority.

 

[DeepSouth]

I think it's the fact that people are waiting for you to go bad. Everyone "knows" PKs are bad by nature.

 

[heavenlyboheme]

Living and walking with God on my own terms, apart from what others think, even though it might be a different idea than what others think. People assume that if your parents are pastors that you will be a dynamic minister too or stay with the home church. When it doesn't happen, you're a heathen, no matter what you do, because you didn't do it exactly like mom & dad. Still working on this, but I've been living in "holy rebellion" for a few years now.

 

[diakonos3]

I agree with you!