Open to Dating

[Living4Him03]

I'm wondering, how do you draw closer to God and truly seek Him alone, while being open to the possibility of dating? I want most of all to please God and grow closer to Him. But, I also don't want to be so close minded about dating that I am not open to His will in that area. I am happy being single and am becoming so content in the Lord. But I'm wondering how I can keep a balance and how I can make sure I don't get sidetracked or distracted by guys. I mean, hanging out is fine with me and I enjoy talking to my guy friends and all...but some of them are potential future mates, well at least if that is God's will for my life. I guess I just don't want to not be open to God's will, because it's likely He could very well bring the man He wants me to marry into my life. How do I deal with this conflict? I hope I'm making sense, I'm not sure how to word my question just right. Maybe I can clarify it later.

I guess Im just asking how do you know if God wants you to be open to dating or if He doesn't? I know there is one guy that I would like to date, but only if it's really God's will, because I care about him so much as a friend I don't want things to get ugly like they can sometimes in those situations.

 

[invisiblebabe]

If it's your desire to marry eventually, you're of the age where you could realistically get married within the next 1 to 3 years, and you are emotionally, spiritually, socially, and intellectually developed enough of being able to handle a relationship..... then I would say God probably would not object to you dating.

Then of course, the question is how do you know if you are developed enough in those aspects.... that is when you ask Him.

 

[KeilCoppes]

L4H, this one is near and dear to my heart.

The answer I've come to all comes to why's. Do you seek to marry to have a life partner with whom you can glorify God? Or is it primarily for self-gratification? If you have needs, do you seek to have them filled so that you can serve and bring glory to God better? Or do you only seek to have them filled?

It is a good thing seek a husband or wife in order to serve God better - in proverbs God holds up a godly marriage as a good thing. Before the fall, did God goof by giving Eve to Adam? Some may say the jury is still out, but I don't agree at all. When God brought Eve, He said that it was not good for man to be alone, and at the end of creation He said that it was good? Was He wrong? Most certainly not.

One of the great truths of being single is that it can be a lot like fasting - you can gain focus, but you also can get weak by it. There are distractions of being single just as there are distractions of being married. It is not good for man to be alone - God said it Himself and I continue to experience it. Two are better than one, if one falls, then the other can pick him up.

In your seeking, you might ask youself - can you help build up your prospective husband in serving God by forming a family? Can you help him in his service? Can the two of you strengthen one another by walking together before God? It comes down to service. Come to think of it, the original term? Helpmeet - that was God's design.

For men, we have the complementary focus - can we provide a shelter for our wife from the storms of life so that she can serve in greater happiness? Can we build her up in her walk? Can we strengthen one another in our walk? Can we provide for one another so that the temptations of singlehood are not an issue? Do we desire for our family together to be a glory to God?

Truth: True love is other-centered in God's service for His glory.
Truth: Serving God brings joy and He calls us to enjoy Him in our service!
Truth: You can serve God .by. in faith seeking a marriage in which .to. glorify Him.

If I seek a wife, although I have needs in life, my primary goal is to build her up and for us to glorify God by being together in His service daily. Thanks for the question - it reminded me of something that I had momentarily lost sight of in current events, and in remembering brings back the glow of good perspective. There is nothing so releasing as getting focus off of self. My desire must be for her good!

For your question - are you seeking to glorify God in dating and marriage? Then not only no problem, but much praise for seeking!

 

[Living4Him03]

I definitely seek God in this. In the past, when I met a guy I thought was cute and we got to know each other, the flirting would start and I wouldn't do anything to stop...I rarely stopped to think about just being a sister in Christ to those guys and really helping them grow closer to God. Recently, a friend of mine from way back resurfaced. I am very attracted to him but above all I want to help him grow in his walk with the Lord. He is such a Godly man. I mean, he always prays for us (not "us" mind you) and our families before we finish talking to each other. He is of the same mindset...wanting to encourage his friends, male and female, in their walk with Christ. I guess I just recently learned the true value of being a good friend and making sure I'm not doing things or saying things that would lead a brother in Christ on or make him stumble, etc.

I guess I need to ask God if I'm ready to date. I don't know if I am or not. I know I'm getting to a point where I can treat my brothers in Christ as simply that and really value the friendships I have with them. At the same time there are a few that I am soooo attracted to...they are such Godly men, I enjoy spending time with them, and there's a mutual attraction. Above all I want to draw closer to God and become the woman He wants, whether He has marriage in His plans for me or not.

Anyway, thank you for raising those questions and helping me to think more about this. I want to do what's glorifying to God, not just what will fulfill my desires, and truthfully God is the only One who can fulfill my every desire or need. Even if I am to marry someday and have a wonderful husband, he will never be Christ.

Thanks ya'll

 

[renaistre]

This one is hard for me to answer without getting into my ideas on dating in general. But I don't want to derail your thread, so I'll only say this: some of the alternatives to dating that have been "proposed" by the likes of Josh Harris and Dr. Davis try to address this. Even if you disagree with their conclusions, they have some intersting and thought provoking messages.

I don't know if it is different for guys and girls, but I know that the time when I was closest to ask a girl about entering a courtship relationship was one of the most amazing times of my life in terms of my walk with God. I think that the realization of how big this thing was drove me to make sure that my spiritual life was solid and going the right direction. I suppose it was kind of like cramming before an exam, but at least I was learning. And even though I ended up not ever going any further with the relationship, the lessons I learned from that time have stuck with me.

I guess the point of that ramble is that I think it is possible to simultaneously pursue relationships with God and another person, and still be doing His will, because that is His plan for a lot of us. If we are careful, we will end up even closer to God than we were before.

L4H, you mention asking God about whether you are ready to date or not. While I absolutely wouldn’t discourage this, I think it would be wise to also ask people around you who know you personally and who you can trust the same question. Parents, pastors, or anyone else who you know will tell you the truth can help. The fact is, I don’t think most of us are strong enough to risk getting into a relationship without someone being there just in case we start losing our focus.

I really know how you feel. It's such a confusing place to be.