Open The Door

[walkin2e]

Jesus I pray that you open the door
Send me to reach the lost and the poor
The broken hearted soul that needs you
Only Your salvation will do

Many doors have been closed in my face
Give me the strength to run the race
Send me to some poor lost soul
To help them reach that heavenly goal

You send servants to preach the truth
Tell others about Abraham, Moses and Ruth
How you rewarded their faith and trust
They live on though their bodies are dust

The laborers are few You have said
Send me to the spiritually dead
Pull back the scales from their eyes
Listen, O Lord, to our cries

Time I know is getting short
Send me to preach and to exhort
Show others the path to true life
Put an end to their conflicts and strife

Surely the last days are here
Maybe today You will appear
To rescue Your children from all harm
Let me, O Lord, sound the alarm

Satan tries to keep us off the straight path
Deliver us, O God, from his wrath
When the perfect time draws nigh
Come, O Lord, and split the sky

Until that time is here, O Lord I pray
Open wide a door today
To tell someone about You
With Your help, this I can do

By Walkin2e aka Irvin Rozier

 

[ConstanceB]

Hi, Christian and fellow writer!

I see some real promise in what you've written. You've given us images of how we are Christ to others and yet left no doubt that it is He who is the message. You've picked up some well-used phrases (e.g., "split the sky") and yet we are warmed by the familiarity, and not thinking, "Oh, he copied that."

What would you like to accomplish with your poem? Who is your audience? The reason I ask is to allow you to consider whether the suggestions that follow are helpful or even needed. If not, stop reading here. ///

Your rhyme scheme is off in the 6th quatrain: "days" and "appear". Since all the 1st and 2nd lines and the 3rd and 4th lines in every other quatrain rhyme, I assume you might have typed here from the wrong draft and so it doesn't fit in.

You probably are able to read the poem fluently without stumbling, but most of us would reveal flaws in the cadence of the piece, thinking with good cause that there are too many syllables per line or not enough. Again, poetry does not have to rhyme, and there's no rule that says how many syllables are right for a line. Since, however, you've set up a good rhythm in the first two lines, as a reader I expect it to continue that way.

The words "nigh" and "strife" don't strike me as familiar, but rather as old and tired. So many hymns and poems from the early 19th century use those terms that your use of them dates your piece and you -- wherein the rest of the poem is satisfying.

If I were your editor or teacher, I'd say, "This shows promise." Then I would send you back with it to recraft in the matters I've mentioned. If, however, you want to read it from the pulpit, it's fine as it is, you'll read it well and the flaws won't be noticed, and people will probably be touched by your sincerity.

May God bless you.

cb

 

[walkin2e]

Thanks for your comments, especially abouting pointing out the line that did not rhyme (you were right, I copied it off my hand written draft and got the wrong line).

I am just writing this to lift up the name of Jesus...certainly, I know I am not a professional. I will read this too from the pulpit. Thank you so much. i made the change. walkin2e