Online Dating

[Beautiful Fireball]

I was just curious if there are any others here who have tried online dating before. I have tried it and used a Christian site and got in touch with a wonderful guy (now my BF). We have yet to meet, we will in June. We have been talking for four months, and everyday of those four months. I was just wondering if anybody had any stories they could share about online dating

 

[ahmunmun]

EDIT: This is creepy. I'm not even the OP but my post is first? Please do not direct your reply to this post because this isn't the OP!

Online dating isn't for me. I would never go meet a stranger whom I've talked to online. Where I'm from, there are too much stories about psychopaths who trick people into meeting them. Then again, I'm from Hong Kong, where the media tends to over-emphasize and exaggerate on negative stories.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Well, Katomi pretty much summed it up.

All of my dates in the last 2.5 years have come about because of Christian dating sites. I've had some strange dates, some in between, and then two bf's. The last ended in October and he lived less than a mile from me. He broke my heart, but he is now a dear friend. My current bf and I started talking 2 years ago, went out with him last Aug., then started again in March.

 

[Chaan Stines]

Then again, I'm from Hong Kong, where the media tends to over-emphasize and exaggerate on negative stories.

I'm afraid that's not limited just to Hong Kong. I was also skeptical of online dating, though probably for different reasons. I decided to give it a try, since I now live in a very small town, and there aren't many eligible women I'm interested in dating around here. I logged on to a site I had heard about on a radio ad, made a profile, did a few searches, the usual. My initial fears were confirmed at first. Most of the women on the site were single mothers just looking for a "daddy" for their kid, or were just looking for a good time, with no intention of making anything serious out of the relationship.

I did eventually find a diamond in the rough, however, back in March. We emailed for about a month, then decided to meet in person. I must not have creeped her out too much, and I thought she was an absolute peach. We've gone on a few more regular dates since then, and things are looking good so far.

So, that's my story. And then I found $20.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

All I can say is if you choose to do it, be very careful. Very, very careful. You never know where some sexual predators can be lurking, even on a Christian website. I'm not saying don't do it, I have done it and married my husband, whom I met on cf. I'm just saying be careful, get all the information you can, make sure you spend a LOT of time talking to them, and if possible talk to other people who know the guy/girl (in person or online) and see what they have to say about things.

 

[SoC]

^^^What she said.^^^

 

[California Dreamin']

I see so many horror stories on television and even had one myself. I was 12 years old and used a chatroom for many, many hours a day (like 12-13 hours!) and met someone from my town, right down the street.

He said he was 19, he knew I was 12... 12 and 19 is bad enough, but he really was 24, double my age!!! I ended up meeting him and luckily nothing happened to me, but that is not always the case. He was not who he said he was at all.

 

[Linnis]

Hello.

I met my husband online in 2002. I wasn't looking for a relationship with a man online, I didn't join a dating site. We met on a message board about an interest we shared and the rest is history.

I'm the second person my DH met online, his first GF he found out after they met, she was still married. I was surprised when I learned that, that he'd even attempt to make an online and then Long Distance relationship work.

Whenever you meet ANYONE is doesn't matter WHERE you meet them, you have to be careful. It is just as likely you can meet a rapist/murderer/liar on a bus or at church as you can on the internet. People can lie in person as easily as they can online, just not about things like age, weight etc. I think sometimes people have this false sense of security after meeting someone face to face, when in reality you don't know that person at all.

 

[CoolMom6]

I agree with you, Linnis, because I met my ex in church, and even though some people said he was a great guy, a couple of others said to be careful, which I took wrong...and then after a year, we married, and he had two totally different personalities!!! One for the whole outside world, and one for me and my kids. He even acted different when HIS kids were over, and then went back to being a jerk when it was just us.

Now, I have met the most wonderful man online, and we also spent some time in person. I have questioned him over and over, had my friends "interview" him, tested him, and introduced him to my pastor, former pastor, exes, and my kids. I have given him many reasons to just run as fast as he can in the other direction. All I have to give him is my heart. But he has been proving again and again what kind of man that he truly is;
the kind of man I need and want.

 

[Tavita]

I met my fiance online here in CF eighteen months ago. We started out as friends (we are still best friends) because we had an interest in the same subject. We started emailing everyday and phoned each other every few weeks, and then last year I went to the States to meet him and spend some time with my 'friend' (as you can see I'm an Aussie). When I got there it wasn't long before we knew we loved each other and we believe one day soon we'll be married. We have a lot of immigration red tape to go through.

Neither of us were looking for love, we are both in our fifties and had been through divorce and had decided that having a relationship with someone else was out of the question. Loving someone else like we do was a total surprise to the both of us. Until that time I had heard from many different people how dangerous online dating can be. And I agree, it can be very dangerous, and is not something that should be rushed into or get carried away over. Be careful, and get to know someone over time as a friend first. I was blessed to meet someone who is the same in real life as he is on the net.

 

[godsnumber1]

if on other sites id say be extremely careful,never meet an online man alone,take your brother or some male,a man in love with you will understand your safety measures,other than that i believe online dating will one day soon replace life dating although not all for the best - its a place where cheaters can get away with it secretly unfortunatly

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Online dating sites are meat markets. It's all about the looks. You can't get any kind of perspective about anyone from an online profile because they can tell you anything about themselves while hiding things that on a inter-personal, one to one level would be evident. That said I met my current SO on an online site. She was very straightforward and honest and after I viewed her on a live webcam I saw that her pics were an accurate representation of who she really was. But for most people online dating will be an exercise in futility. Men sometimes outnumber women 30-1 on many sites and for some, like the friendfinder sites it can be as high as 300-1. Use it as a tool and if it doesn't work then don't take it personally. Also, for women the better looking you are the better your chances of getting responses. For men the higher your income is the better your chances are.

 

[Blank123]

no I've never tried it myself. but I know people who have met their spouses online and so its not something I can rule out if I felt God leading me in that direction. However its also not something I would ever rush into. I think I'd really want to spend time getting to know that person before pursuing a romantic relationship.

 

[robalan]

I have been speaking to a girl online for almost 12 months to date. After the first 3 months, the longest we have gone without talking is 1 week. And that only happened once. Other than that, we talk virtually all the time. We have spoken on the phone several times. We both seem to be very optimistic about this, though I can sometimes doubt and she can get pretty flustered. But this is probably do to our distance.

We are planning on meeting each other in 1 month from today. We live half-way across the country from each other, so it's obvious that this is not a "convenience relationship". At least we have that guarantee. Obviously, for all we know, the other person could be a total psycho and liar--but that's always a risk with life.

I appreciate all of your advice and warnings; I also am amazed at how many of you have met your husbands/wives online and had a succesful marriage. That is so cool. Weird, yes. But still cool. Five years ago, I would have told you that I NEVER under any circumstances would date someone online. Well...here I am now. I guess life throws at us all different kinds of things. We shouldn't be so rigid as to only accept our preconceived expectations.

 

[springlake04]

What Christian dating websites would yall advise for singles??? and are they guys ya'll met live close by.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

What Christian dating websites would yall advise for singles??? and are they guys ya'll met live close by.

Eharmony because they tell you who you match with and guide you through the first steps of communication. I've had two good relationships because of this service.

Christian cafe I belonged to about two years ago and didn't have any success with. I got some free time in Feb. and became acquainted with a wonderful guy who lives in Florida.

I've used a few other Christian sites that ended up with some dates that I wouldn't want to repeat.

With the exception of the guy in Florida I don't get involved with people who live too far away.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

What Christian dating websites would yall advise for singles??? and are they guys ya'll met live close by.

I used Christian Cafe also and that is the one that worked for me. Another one that I used was called Christian Mingle, but I think that it has since changed its name, but I am sure if you googled Christian dating websites you would find a lot of options

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Eharmony because they tell you who you match with and guide you through the first steps of communication. I've had two good relationships because of this service.

Christian cafe I belonged to about two years ago and didn't have any success with. I got some free time in Feb. and became acquainted with a wonderful guy who lives in Florida.

I've used a few other Christian sites that ended up with some dates that I wouldn't want to repeat.

With the exception of the guy in Florida I don't get involved with people who live too far away.

E Harmony is also one of the most complained about websites currently in existence. Common complaints are that their personality and compatibility tests are bogus. Many members took the test and recieved matches with members who were so far out of their range of interest that it wasn't worth pursuing. Many women complained that although it is proported as a "Christian oriented" service that they still get loads of inquiries from men interested in only sex. And also if you don't meet the exact criteria for someone else based on the compatibility tests then you will never know about or be able to contact that other member. If I were you I would check out some of the following testimonial and links before I ventured into business with E Harmony.

From consumer reports database:

A different perspective...hopefully a realistic perspection on eHarmony. I've met Dr. Warren and spent a fair amount of time talking with him privately. He is a nice, sensible professional psychologist who believes that good marriages are statistically predictable based on his research of happy couples. I don't agree with him completely on this, but he is sincere and passionate about his convictions. I contacted him after reading two of his books (both are excellent) and wanted to know what my chances were of making a happy second marriage. He was very upfront with me and said, "Less than 1% chance." Like many of you, I am female, wealthy, divorced, nice looking, have two well-behaved teens, am liked by my employees and colleagues, reliable and responsible, and I don't take the time to socialize beyond church and charitable volunteer work. I never go to singles groups. Based on Dr. Warren's analysis and judgment, I chose not to join eHarmoney (which he had just launched the previous year). Love and romance is always perilous. There is no way of taking the risk out of it except by time and quiet observation.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/eharmony.html

http://www.bikermatchmaking.com/Internet_Dating_Stories/eHarmony_Consumer_Complaints.htm

 

[springlake04]

Thanks for the advise ladies. I think im going to go with christian cafe.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

E Harmony is also one of the most complained about websites currently in existence. Common complaints are that their personality and compatibility tests are bogus. Many members took the test and recieved matches with members who were so far out of their range of interest that it wasn't worth pursuing. Many women complained that although it is proported as a "Christian oriented" service that they still get loads of inquiries from men interested in only sex. And also if you don't meet the exact criteria for someone else based on the compatibility tests then you will never know about or be able to contact that other member. If I were you I would check out some of the following testimonial and links before I ventured into business with E Harmony.

From consumer reports database:

A different perspective...hopefully a realistic perspection on eHarmony. I've met Dr. Warren and spent a fair amount of time talking with him privately. He is a nice, sensible professional psychologist who believes that good marriages are statistically predictable based on his research of happy couples. I don't agree with him completely on this, but he is sincere and passionate about his convictions. I contacted him after reading two of his books (both are excellent) and wanted to know what my chances were of making a happy second marriage. He was very upfront with me and said, "Less than 1% chance." Like many of you, I am female, wealthy, divorced, nice looking, have two well-behaved teens, am liked by my employees and colleagues, reliable and responsible, and I don't take the time to socialize beyond church and charitable volunteer work. I never go to singles groups. Based on Dr. Warren's analysis and judgment, I chose not to join eHarmoney (which he had just launched the previous year). Love and romance is always perilous. There is no way of taking the risk out of it except by time and quiet observation.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/eharmony.html

http://www.bikermatchmaking.com/Internet_Dating_Stories/eHarmony_Consumer_Complaints.htm

That's very interesting. I wonder if he means in general or even if people use his service.