ok i met this girl on another Christian forum. she's really cool, and we've talked quite a bit since we met. we both openly like each other, but we live 6 hrs apart. we've never met in person, but she always tells me when i'm ready to ask her out, she'll say yes. i like her and all, but is it possible for two people living 6 hrs apart to maintain a serious relationship? i've been telling her that if it's in God's will, it will happen (which i honestly believe). but does anyone have any advice? i'd really appreciate it...thanks.
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online dating?
- Thread starter discepolo
- Start date
Why consider a "serious" relationship with someone you've never met who lives 6 hours away a problem unless "serious" is a code word for sexual.Living six hours away from someone you've met over the internet should be considered a great advantage.Sort of a distance chasity belt that prevents you from getting too close too quickly.
It also will provide a great excuse for never seeing her again after a major let-down first meeting that most likely will be still one more confirmation that people are not as they appear on the internet. Your message reminds me of someone I know who went to meet his dream girl after telephone dating.He found someone who looks like a cartoon figure confined to a wheelchair,a matter that somehow never came up in their conversations.
It also will provide a great excuse for never seeing her again after a major let-down first meeting that most likely will be still one more confirmation that people are not as they appear on the internet. Your message reminds me of someone I know who went to meet his dream girl after telephone dating.He found someone who looks like a cartoon figure confined to a wheelchair,a matter that somehow never came up in their conversations.
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I vote for going to meet her, but NOT getting overly attached or thinking about getting "serious". Life is too short to not take chances sometimes and do things out of the ordinary (such as going to meet this girl...better to go and do it then to wonder "what if".)
But just interact with her as you are brother and sister in Christ and getting to know each other...don't think so far ahead that you're thinking about seriousness and distance and whatnot before you've even met. Getting to attached to people, especially this early on, can be a recipe for heartbreak.
You never do know. maybe you'll end up dating, maybe you'll just gain a really good friend in this girl, maybe you'll go to meet her and "she" will really be a 50-year old guy...
Joking about the last part! But yes, I vote for go to meet her, but lighten up
But just interact with her as you are brother and sister in Christ and getting to know each other...don't think so far ahead that you're thinking about seriousness and distance and whatnot before you've even met. Getting to attached to people, especially this early on, can be a recipe for heartbreak.
You never do know. maybe you'll end up dating, maybe you'll just gain a really good friend in this girl, maybe you'll go to meet her and "she" will really be a 50-year old guy...
Joking about the last part!
But yes, I vote for go to meet her, but lighten up
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bubblegirl23
Resident bubble chick
6 hours isn't much of a distance. I've had interests in other countries. Distance does challenge a relationship, but at the same time tests the viability of the connection. You can spend holidays together, then return home to concentrate on work and study. It also means physical temptation is put in the background and you will get to know each other very well with long phonecalls. For me, distance relationships are the best because while being with someone you still have the space to think practically.
Go and meet her for a xmas drink, then make your decision. In a big wide world, six hours isn't that much. Besides, you can always have a meeting spot in the middle. Pick a nice restaurant three hours from both of you and meet there each month.
Bless you.
Go and meet her for a xmas drink, then make your decision. In a big wide world, six hours isn't that much. Besides, you can always have a meeting spot in the middle. Pick a nice restaurant three hours from both of you and meet there each month.
Bless you.
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pray about it and follow your heart man......
there are reasons to make and not to make both decisions....
either of which could be wrong for you if it isnt the right one, ya?
trust that God will lead you man, pray and do what you HONESTLY feel God is leading you to do... and if your right Godbless you.... and if your wrong.... Gods a big God and will make a way out for you and restore that situation.
just keep listening to God through it all and stay true to what hes telling you.
and if something comes up thats common sense knows is wrong, get out.
its just good to know that it does not take perfect obedience or perfect decision making to fullfill our perfect destinies in Christ.... its just about engaging in a relationship with God and following him, it takes staying true to the relationship.
i personally dont see how a 6 hour distance could possibly work out....
becuase GENERALLY in a relationship its emotional and you need to see and feel and touch each other for the relationship to be healthy...to keep the affection real... its a part of being an emotional human that needs that point of referance and contact with the people that we love... its why we want hugs and kisses and things...
and 6 hours just wont work for the average american.
thats what i think anyway.
but there are alot of things i dont see....
so whatever the Lord says...
there are reasons to make and not to make both decisions....
either of which could be wrong for you if it isnt the right one, ya?
trust that God will lead you man, pray and do what you HONESTLY feel God is leading you to do... and if your right Godbless you.... and if your wrong.... Gods a big God and will make a way out for you and restore that situation.
just keep listening to God through it all and stay true to what hes telling you.
and if something comes up thats common sense knows is wrong, get out.
its just good to know that it does not take perfect obedience or perfect decision making to fullfill our perfect destinies in Christ.... its just about engaging in a relationship with God and following him, it takes staying true to the relationship.
i personally dont see how a 6 hour distance could possibly work out....
becuase GENERALLY in a relationship its emotional and you need to see and feel and touch each other for the relationship to be healthy...to keep the affection real... its a part of being an emotional human that needs that point of referance and contact with the people that we love... its why we want hugs and kisses and things...
and 6 hours just wont work for the average american.
thats what i think anyway.
but there are alot of things i dont see....
so whatever the Lord says...
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TriptychR
Investigative Retorter
I believe that an online relationship can work. You have to be very, very cautious to take it as slow as possible, though. I decided to enter an online relationship with a girl that lived five hours from me. After the good feelings departed, however, I realized that she wasn't close to the person I expected her to be and everything went down in flames within a week. I would definitely not try to begin a relationship until you've at least met this girl face to face.
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Ave Maria
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I believe God can use anything for His glory. Online dating included. However, I do think it is best to try and keep your relationships "in real life". I'm not saying there's anything wrong with online dating, it's just that dating "in real life" is a lot easier.
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6 hours is nothing......?
man, i dont know where yall are from, but for me noooo it wouldnt work, maybe im some obsessive compulsive freak, but i wanna see my lady nearly everyday, have dinner several times a week hang out alot......... man the over the phone thing just isnt good enough. and i cant be on the road for 12 hours several times a week.
some people say it can be great...even a blessing.
well.......ooook.
whatever floats your boat.
man, i dont know where yall are from, but for me noooo it wouldnt work, maybe im some obsessive compulsive freak, but i wanna see my lady nearly everyday, have dinner several times a week hang out alot......... man the over the phone thing just isnt good enough. and i cant be on the road for 12 hours several times a week.
some people say it can be great...even a blessing.
well.......ooook.
whatever floats your boat.
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
I would caution anyone making such serious romantic commitments over the internet. It's one thing to become email buddies or even chat on the telephone, but to openly admit feelings for what you think someone is and not who they are is very dangerous. You're totally exposing yourself to be hurt. I would wait until you at least met in person and then decide.
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K
KeilCoppes
Guest
I would dance in circles for someone who was only six hours away. At that distance you can leave work at four on a friday evening, drive through, sleep the night and spend Saturday there before driving back. If they're in an area that's easily accessible by plane you can do the same thing.
On the other hand, I consider anyone in the States with a direct-fly airport to be within four hours distance. One would not be able to visit in person more than once every three weeks, but that is very doable. The phone is also a great blessing. In one past relationship I was on the phone every night for a couple of hours, and we had devotions together every night.
On the other hand, I consider anyone in the States with a direct-fly airport to be within four hours distance. One would not be able to visit in person more than once every three weeks, but that is very doable. The phone is also a great blessing. In one past relationship I was on the phone every night for a couple of hours, and we had devotions together every night.
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hockeysistah12
Regular Member
fluffy_rainbow said:
There are a lot of liars who claim they are christian and they are deciving people, especially naieve women.
I was one of them after 13 years of widowhood, I dealt with one of them who pretended to be interested and phone calls and meeting him thought that this man was the one. But things changed and it was in the form of deception when he was interested in another woman. You see, I was caught up in this "I love you" lie and yes, he did cheated on me. This is why I am kind of leery about online dating, christian or otherwise because there are lot of sheeps in wolves clothing--well the church has those also, but there are too many people who say they are christians who are running games on people and all I'm saying is we need to be careful.
I do want to try it again, however, this person must be upfront and not playing games...
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
I live thirty minutes away from Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.
Hockey, I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with online dating. I have as well, so I'm honestly very cynical about the whole thing.
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invisiblebabe
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It's definitely worth a try, but take things VERY slowly, and like waterbear said, don't consider it romantic 'til you've met in person.
For me, if a guy had all the right qualities (trust me, what I'm looking for is about .001% of the population lol), pretty much anywhere in the country is fair game.
For me, if a guy had all the right qualities (trust me, what I'm looking for is about .001% of the population lol), pretty much anywhere in the country is fair game.
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HAHA!
.01 SOUNDS LIKE YOUR LOOKING FOR ME!
here i am baby!
jokin....
anywhere in the country? really?
wow.... i couldnt do that.
.01 SOUNDS LIKE YOUR LOOKING FOR ME!
here i am baby!
jokin....
anywhere in the country? really?
wow.... i couldnt do that.
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TriptychR
Investigative Retorter
Blue Impulse said:
Maybe the mod just doesn't have that much faith in LDRs.
Seriously, though. The Courting Couples forum is an excellent resource for those starting out in a distance relationship. I leaned on several people there in the turmoil of the relationship I attempted. They'll help you figure out what works and what doesn't.
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bubblegirl23
Resident bubble chick
casual dating is the most rediculous thing I've ever heard of
Absolutely! My sentiments exactly. That cybersex thing too. How can anyone call this "company'? The world's gone crazy!
Absolutely! My sentiments exactly. That cybersex thing too. How can anyone call this "company'? The world's gone crazy!
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S
Silver Speak
Guest
Take it from someone speaking from experience...
DON'T DO IT!
This is what happened to me: I met a guy I'd got to know in the internet and basically had promised him the moon from the sky but after spending some time with him in person I got pretty assured it's not for me and had to break it off. He got hurt and I feel terrible about it.
Getting to know someone online is okay as long as you leave space to the possibility it's not the same in person 'cause it's not! Meet in person, spend time in person and then consider dating them.
Also... online dating isn't as fullfilling as the 'real thing' no matter how much time and effort you spend on making it work
Not trying to be a killjoy. Just trying to save you from the drama I've just went through.
God bless!
DON'T DO IT!
This is what happened to me: I met a guy I'd got to know in the internet and basically had promised him the moon from the sky but after spending some time with him in person I got pretty assured it's not for me and had to break it off. He got hurt and I feel terrible about it.
Getting to know someone online is okay as long as you leave space to the possibility it's not the same in person 'cause it's not! Meet in person, spend time in person and then consider dating them.
Also... online dating isn't as fullfilling as the 'real thing' no matter how much time and effort you spend on making it work
Not trying to be a killjoy. Just trying to save you from the drama I've just went through.
God bless!
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invisiblebabe
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Endure2 said:
Hahaha
Yep, ideally he would be within a few hours' drive, but it would be a fair trade for me if all the fundamental ideal qualities I need and want are there, even if he lives cross-country. I guess it all comes down to the questions, "how much do you want it?" and "how much could you really see you and[insert guy in question] happy together and serving God together in the future?"
Also, my personality does not base decisions and attraction much at all on experiences (seeing the person, doing things together etc), but far greater on the levels of thought, sentiment, intellect, and imagination...... all of which can still clearly be expressed despite physical absence (especially if the guy has a similar personality in this manner). I would also say that communication on these levels happens more frequently and more quickly over a distance, since the option of shared experiences is not there as much.
As far as physical affection, distance would not be a problem for me either, as I am not kissing until at least engagement anyhow
Physical attraction does have to be there, of course, but that can easily be determined by seeing the person in person at least once or twice before a commitment is established. I have also personally met couples that are now happily married, who originally had LDR's that required plane travel in order to see one another.
Where there's a will (well, two wills and most importantly God's will, in this case
), there's a way!
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