one year ago

[redwind]

It has been a little over one year since I lost my wonderful husband. He was only 56 years old, far too young. I know he is with the Lord and I know I will see him again. Somehow I thought that once I reached that one year anniversary everything would suddenly be okay. I guess I was just lying to myself. I have been through enough loss to know it takes much longer than just one year.
I still deal with the grief of losing my husband. We did not have any children and I don't have any family members in town. I don't know about the rest of you, but it seems like it is the stupid little stuff that really gets to me. All of those little things pile up and I just start to feel overwhelmed.
In the past I have found this forum to be very helpful. I have had major computer problems so have not been able to visit for quite sometime.
I guess I just needed someone to "talk to" tonight.
Thanks for listening!

 

[c1ners]

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. It takes some of us a very long time to be able to move on so the pain doesn't hurt so bad. God bless.

 

[Christianwidow]

My dear sister in Christ,
I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my husband ten years ago, and because we were one flesh in Christ, it was like a part of me was torn away. Yes, like you, I do know I will see my husband again in Heaven, but until then the days will just go on. I'm sure you are experiencing the same ache in your heart. You probably feel as though no matter where you go or who you are around, there is something missing. Even though my husband passed away ten years ago, I still feel that emptiness. It is only by the grace of God and His love and comfort I have gotten this far. I also know the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me, but my human side yearns for the companionship of my dear husband. I try to fill my days with the Word of God and listening to songs of praise to Him. That helps tremendously because it reminds me just how much my Savior loves me. I will earnestly pray for you that you will one day be able to enjoy the blessings of His never ending love. Cry to Him. He loves you and cares for you.

In Christ,
Christian Widow

 

[redwind]

Thank you so much for your response. You are so right. Everywhere I go I miss him and feel empty on the inside. There seems to be no relief. I see others living a happy life ( I know we don't ever REALLY know what is going on behind closed doors, but I also know there are many people who are surrounded by loved ones.) I think the lonliness and the emptiness is what hurts the worse. No one to watch TV with, no one to cook dinner for, no one to cuddle with. No one who can reassure me when I get scared. No one who cares about the stupid little things that matter only to me. I know I have Jesus. I am very thankful for His Grace and love. But there are days when I just really need a human.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Christianwidow]

Losing a husband is definitely a hard trial to go through. Some days are worse than others. I can remember I would just go to the store so I could be around people. I can remember how life just seemed to go on for everybody but me. I can remember I would wake up to such emptiness, my heart ached. Yes, I too would look at people and see them laugh with one another and would yearn for that again with my husband. It didn't matter where I went or who I was with, the void was still there. I so missed cooking for him and taking care of him. I loved being his help meet. I wrote the subject line "He understands" because our Jesus truly does understand everything we go through. I know sometimes it doesn't help even knowing that, but He does understand, and He loves us more than any human being could. He is right there with you. We are never alone. He promised He would never leave us nor forsake us. That is a promise we can claim. When those overwhelming feelings start to attack you, cry out to the Lord and sing praises to Him. Even through tears, He will hear you. I found many times that just crying my heart out to the Lord helped me get through the day. Again, some days were worse than others, but He got me through them. Being a widow is definitely not something I planned, but the Lord did. And I know that because this is the route He chose for me, He will get me through it until I meet Him in Heaven, and He will do the same for you, if you let Him. May you have sweet rest in your Savior. I will be checking this forum everyday and hope I can be a blessing to you as you go through this part of your pilgrimage.

In Christ,

Christian Widow

 

[redwind]

Christian Widow, Your words have meant so much to me. I find that I am constantly crying out to the Lord. Which strangely enough does mean I am making progress. For the first several weeks I could not even talk to Him. A friend came over one night and was sharing with me that when her first husband died she could not pray. She then showed me her "prayer of serenity" bracelet (no she is not an alcholic, but the prayer was very special to her) She said she started by just saying the word "God"...and every week or so she was able to say the next word of the prayer. She told me He would meet me where I was at. So, I too started by just uttering one word of that prayer at a time. I think it must have taken me 2 or 3 months to make it through the entire prayer. But, she was right He met me where I was at.

I am so thankful that we serve an understanding God who is full of grace. Even now there are days when it is so difficult for me to pray. I guess part of it is feeling disappointed that He did not heal my husband. Part of it is lack of energy and part of it is lack of concentration.

I don't know what He has in mind for me. I hope that He will not require me to be alone for the rest of my life, but I am trying very hard to trust Him for all of my needs.

Again thanks for your kindness.

 

[Christianwidow]

Precious Redwind,
This is answered prayer. I have been praying for you that our Lord would let you know His comfort. None of us know what He has in store for us, but we do know this, He will never give us more than what we can handle. Yes, I am sure at times we feel like He has, but His infinite mercy and grace are daily with us. Oh how He loves us. I would like to leave you with a Scripture today. "How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee". Psalm 139:17-18. How He loves you, Redwind.

Christian Widow

 

[redwind]

Christian widow, Thanks so much for your prayers. I know prayers are what will get me through each and every day. There are still days when I doubt His love for me. I see people who are surrounded by family and I have been left completely alone.
My husband was really all I had. I think I mentioned the only real family I have is a brother who lives in Ala and I live in Fl...a good 500 miles away. I truly believe that if I had family closer life would be so much easier. How wonderful it would be to pick up the phone and say "I am on my way over" or "Can you visit with me for a little while" or something as simple as going shopping together. There are moments when I get scared something is wrong with the house, the car or our precious little yorkie, and I think how wonderful it would be to have someone to call.
Just to have one person who is always near by and always willing to help would be wonderful. I know I have Jesus; but Jesus can't check the oil in my car or help me move that heavy piece of furniture. He can' tell me if my new dress looks okay or return it to the store.
My prayer is that God will not require me to spend the rest of my life as a single woman. But, at the age of 51 I have been widowed twice, lost both parents so maybe He just wants me to be alone.
Again, thanks so much for your prayers. You have been so sweet and encouraging in your emails. Forgive me if I don't always respond quickly, I seem to experience alot of internet and computer problems.
God Bless you!

 

[Christianwidow]

Redwind, I sent you a private message, but I am not sure if you will receive an email letting you know I did, so I thought I would send this quick reply so you would know to check your "private messages" on Christian Forum. May your day be blessed.

Christian Widow

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I use to think as the years go by it would be OK and for the most part it has been. But I too, miss the companionship and help I had with my husband. It's been 6 1/2 years for me. Not even a date since he passed, mostly because no one has asked, but I don't think I was ready either and still I'm not sure. This forum isn't as active as some of the other sections, but sometimes only other widows/widowers can understand what we go through.

 

[Christianwidow]

Hello Memoriesbymichelle,
Good to see another widow is on the forum. You are correct about only other widows know what widows go through. It has been ten years for me. But by the wonderful grace of my Heavenly Father, I am learning to be content. I have fallen deeply in love with my Saviour. Yes, I do have days when I so would love the companionship of a human being, but I know Jesus loves me more than any one ever could. He takes such good care of me. I hope to see you on the forum again. May your day be blessed with His presence.

Christian Widow

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I would be content with even just a guy friend to go do things that I can't do because I don't have a guy. I love boating, but would never go without some man that would be experienced if something happened. Same with camping. Dinner and movies I can do with girl friends or by myself but some things I miss out on just because I have no partner or male friends or family close that can join me. So sad. And IF I ever dated it would probably IMO be better if it were a widower because they would (hopefully) understand and not get jealous of the fact that I never stopped loving my husband because he died. I still love him. I still miss him. I love Jesus too and I wouldn't want some man in my life to be jealous of THAT relationship either. So it would take a special kind of man to woo me and at this stage of the game I just don't see it happening. I'm open if God is willing, but I honestly don't know what His plan is for me exactly, KWIM?

 

[Christianwidow]

Maybe you could meet someone at your church that would like to go boating, etc. None of us know what God has planned for us while on this earth, but we do know He said the eye has not seen, nor the ear heard, nor entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for them that love him. Now that is a plan I am waiting to behold. Until then, I want to learn to be content like the Apostle Paul. I have been where you are, and it was a very frustrating time. I, too, wanted a male friend in my life to do things with, but now, and all to the glory of the Lord, I am content just doing the things He has allowed me to do on a daily basis. Whether it's with a friend or just by myself. And mostly it is just by myself. I will be praying for you, memoriesbymichelle, that your heart's desire will be fulfilled.

Christian Widow

 

[redwind]

Christian Widow, I received your email. I have attempted to send a response to you.

 

[redwind]

memoriesbymichelle,
I understand exactly what you are saying. I am also 52 and don't look forward to spending the rest of my life alone. It would be so nice to have a male as a friend to do things with. Eventually, I hope God will allow me to get married again. But, I just don't know. I am still in love with my husband and I dont think that will ever end. But, I do think I could care about someone else.

 

[redwind]

Christianwidow and Memories, Can you please tell me how to send a private email? In the mean time, please be in prayer for my little yorkie who is sick. He is such a special little gift and a very special connection with my husband who loved him dearly. I am so afraid of losing him too. Please pray that he will be okay and God will give me peace and wisdom when it comes to dealing with him.
I know it sounds silly but he is the closest thing to family that I have and I dearly love him.

 

[Christianwidow]

Christianwidow and Memories, Can you please tell me how to send a private email? In the mean time, please be in prayer for my little yorkie who is sick. He is such a special little gift and a very special connection with my husband who loved him dearly. I am so afraid of losing him too. Please pray that he will be okay and God will give me peace and wisdom when it comes to dealing with him.
I know it sounds silly but he is the closest thing to family that I have and I dearly love him.

Redwind, when you are at the top of your page, there is a place on the right hand side that says "private message". Click that and you should be able to send a message. As for your little yorkie, I will pray for him right now. Father, there is a very sick little doggie who is very much loved by Redwind. We are asking You to have mercy of him and allow him to be healed. We know he isn't a human being, but you have placed this little yorkie in Redwind's life and she is asking that you please let her keep him. He is very precious to her as You know. Father, please help Redwind to know what to do to make him feel better. We love you Lord, and we know you love us. Thank you, Father, for listening to my prayer. I know it will be answered according to Your will. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

 

[Christianwidow]

Redwind, when you are at the top of your page, there is a place on the right hand side that says "private message". Click that and you should be able to send a message. As for your little yorkie, I will pray for him right now. Father, there is a very sick little doggie who is very much loved by Redwind. We are asking You to have mercy of him and allow him to be healed. We know he isn't a human being, but you have placed this little yorkie in Redwind's life and she is asking that you please let her keep him. He is very precious to her as You know. Father, please help Redwind to know what to do to make him feel better. We love you Lord, and we know you love us. Thank you, Father, for listening to my prayer. I know it will be answered according to Your will. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

I just realized the way you send a private message. You click on the person's user name you want to sent a message to. There is an option to click for private message. I originally gave you the wrong information.

 

[Christianwidow]

Christianwidow and Memories, Can you please tell me how to send a private email? In the mean time, please be in prayer for my little yorkie who is sick. He is such a special little gift and a very special connection with my husband who loved him dearly. I am so afraid of losing him too. Please pray that he will be okay and God will give me peace and wisdom when it comes to dealing with him.
I know it sounds silly but he is the closest thing to family that I have and I dearly love him.

Good Saturday morning to you Redwind. How are you and your little yorkie today? Continually praying for you.

Christian Widow

 

[rosegrl]

hello there I am new here I fully understand where your comming from I am 4 yrs widowed ? I am too glad there is a forum here for us too ..God Bless you .