One last ditch effort...

[Gottservant]

Settle it in your mind, to wait.

 

[Project Panda]

Hi all,

So I was raised in a Christian home, confessed to be Christian and asked Jesus to save me and I feel absolutely nothing zero nada. I want to feel gods presence to know for sure God is there and that I'm saved and going to heaven but feel nothing, been to churches where (father of four here) they pretty much run us out due to my infant crying.
All in all I feel nothing and have asked God to help me and guess what I didn' receive an answer.
Everyone around me says just ask and you shall receive. Well I've been asking for over 12 years and I still feel no connection and have never felt guidance from the holy ghost.
I have studied the bible prayed hard and begged and pleaded with no response.

Now with that said I do know that there is a god in one instance I was in a really bad utv crash and never wore a seatbelt and something that day told me to put it on if I hadn't I would have been crushed. I still crushed my leg and foot(multiple surguries) but I'm still breathing. And also I've had alot of deja vu moments. Also alot of other moments in life that really shook me to my core.

Religion is a really big part of me but I feel a stark disconnect from the Christian religion and have honestly had nicer encounters with witches from Wiccan and pagan religions

I feel a resentment toward Christianity and God for leaving me out to dry with no spiritual water to quench my thirst. And feel like looking into other religions to look for answers.

Like I said I know God is real but I question anymore whether Christianity is fact or fiction.

And I've Ask for help before and got answers of wait and see, pray harder, keep asking God to save you etc and nothing has worked it shouldn't be that hard the bible is pretty clear on how to be saved.

Is there any advice you all could give me to help me in my last ditch effort to find God with christianity. This battle with christianity has been going on for 12 years and i still couldnt tell you 100% that im saved. So here lately Ive been looking into some of the pegan religions.

Say you did feel something, some bliss, some peace, how would you know the difference between your own feelings and this Gods? I have many days of peace, happiness and sometimes bliss, like right now I am certainly peaceful and content. Yes, but I know this is not because I've just prayed or been reading a religious book, or that some spirit is imparting it's peace on me. I am feeling this way because because I've given up blaming myself for how people treat me. When I judged myself for how others saw me, I was always discontent with myself.

But this is what I discovered about my thinking, as for your case and your disharmony, there's always a root cause. You have to dig down deep and search out yourself to find what's really bothering you, in time a solution will reveal itself.