What is appropriate between a married couple while on work time? My wife and I have been discussing this due to differing opinions on the matter. I have a mobile job so accompany her to work periodically, using my laptop and tethered data from a commons area. We are able to see each other at lunch, though try to not cross paths much otherwise as she fears it would cause her to look unprofessional or have coworkers/supervisors suspicious of her productivity. (We have differed on this, but I understand her concern and am not going to protest that one!) Even on lunch, though, we may be holding hands while walking away from the workplace (or back to it after lunch) but if she spots a colleague or associate, often tends to let go and walk a couple steps ahead. Outside of lunch, if we are walking together (such as taking time off for medical or personal leave), or going between buildings, she also prefers to walk with some distance between us and not touching, saying it is not right to her employer. I have said this seems extreme, but I have also needed to give that up because it really does make her uncomfortable. The topic came up again recently when she needed to take some time off due to illness.
After she took a longer nap and started feeling better, awake and in good spirits, I offered to take some annual leave to be able to spend some time together (possibly including sex) before a busy evening. She said she would normally want to, but had told her employer she was taking sick leave until 5 so we needed to wait until 5 or after, as it would not be right to use sick leave for personal time. (We could sit together at home, but not touch/have sex until 5 PM. If I would wait until then/not stress about it, she'd be ready at 5:00 straight.) I again said this seemed unreasonable, but she insisted that this was right and normal and that I was being too lax about ethics to her employer and that she could not do so in good conscience. As soon as the clock hit 5:00, anything was possible. I did not want to violate her conscience, so I complied, working from another room and interacting with her but not touching, flirting, or trying to initiate intimacy until 5 PM. Still, is she taking a normal, ethical standard of integrity toward her employer? Or is it excessive and should I be trying to gently help her see this if and when it comes up again? I want to respect her convictions in this area, and don't personally have a lot of experience with what's appropriate for working couples (having worked from home/mobile for much of my career including my entire married life) -- but at the same time, her convictions in this area seem awfully restrictive. She told me if I surveyed other married couples, she felt sure I would learn she was right. I guess that's why I'm asking... if she's right, I'll fully accept that! If others disagree, though, I may try to make a reasonable/humble case for another perspective when we have time to talk about it.
She has assured me that her image at work does not come first, but sometimes I have difficulty feeling prioritized since in many ways her job does come first. (Her image at work, her work schedule, evening and weekend shifts, not doing too much in the evening so as to be ready for work the next day, checking work emails in the evening/weekend, and treating paid time off such as sick leave as still being on work time.) Trying to be reasonable, balanced, and loving to her in this -- just not sure what's reasonable or healthy to expect or ask of her in this area.
Thank you.
After she took a longer nap and started feeling better, awake and in good spirits, I offered to take some annual leave to be able to spend some time together (possibly including sex) before a busy evening. She said she would normally want to, but had told her employer she was taking sick leave until 5 so we needed to wait until 5 or after, as it would not be right to use sick leave for personal time. (We could sit together at home, but not touch/have sex until 5 PM. If I would wait until then/not stress about it, she'd be ready at 5:00 straight.) I again said this seemed unreasonable, but she insisted that this was right and normal and that I was being too lax about ethics to her employer and that she could not do so in good conscience. As soon as the clock hit 5:00, anything was possible. I did not want to violate her conscience, so I complied, working from another room and interacting with her but not touching, flirting, or trying to initiate intimacy until 5 PM. Still, is she taking a normal, ethical standard of integrity toward her employer? Or is it excessive and should I be trying to gently help her see this if and when it comes up again? I want to respect her convictions in this area, and don't personally have a lot of experience with what's appropriate for working couples (having worked from home/mobile for much of my career including my entire married life) -- but at the same time, her convictions in this area seem awfully restrictive. She told me if I surveyed other married couples, she felt sure I would learn she was right. I guess that's why I'm asking... if she's right, I'll fully accept that! If others disagree, though, I may try to make a reasonable/humble case for another perspective when we have time to talk about it.
She has assured me that her image at work does not come first, but sometimes I have difficulty feeling prioritized since in many ways her job does come first. (Her image at work, her work schedule, evening and weekend shifts, not doing too much in the evening so as to be ready for work the next day, checking work emails in the evening/weekend, and treating paid time off such as sick leave as still being on work time.) Trying to be reasonable, balanced, and loving to her in this -- just not sure what's reasonable or healthy to expect or ask of her in this area.
Thank you.
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