On The Edge

[dabro]

Well I feel like I'm going to leave my skin and be thrown into hell........It scares me sooooo much......so much progress I've made but I hate this.......I understand that I have a disorder and accept that, but facing the living God at a wrathful time is unbelievably scary....IDK what to do anymore....It feels like Gravity is at ten fold and I'm going to break in half.

 

[healingrainbow]

there was a scripture that says he who does his best but failed will receive the kingdom of heaven but I can't find it. Can someone find it and post it for dabro? I know it's in the bible, I think it's in the new testament.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Dabro, Notice that when Jesus came to us he spent most of his time with the most sinefull people of society. He loves us beyond our human understanding could comprehend. Think about how much you want to give to your parents or your best friend then multiply it by a trillion and even then you couldnt even come close to Gods mercy, Gods love, Gods forgiveness and Gods compassion.

Jesus Christ not only loves you, but HE THIRSTS FOR YOU.
To him you are a unique jewel made in the image of the Father

In my prayers my friend

 

[TomCS]

Believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for you, to save you from wrath. God the Father poured out all of the wrath you deserve onto the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross. The moment that you believe in the death payment of Jesus for your sins, God's anger is propitiated forever.

 

[gracealone]

Dabro,
You know me... I refuse to cooperate with your OCD by offering you any reassurances and thereby perpetuating the cycle of your OCD.
You know what this is. I don't even need to really tell you this but here goes..... this is a misfiring in the fight or flight center of your brain that has latched onto an unwanted/intrusive thought. It feels horrible but this feeling is not to be misunderstood as a valid sign of anything except the evidence of your disorder.
Do not attend to the thought in any way. Do not ruminate or seek reassurance about it. Don't run from it or fight it. Do your level best to just let it lie there.
I also think that in order to really put your OCD in it's place it may be time to consider doing active exposure where you begin to habituate your brain to the fears.
PM me any time if you want to hear how I did and still do this.
Love you Buddy... and am praying for you.
Mitzi

Well I feel like I'm going to leave my skin and be thrown into hell........It scares me sooooo much......so much progress I've made but I hate this.......I understand that I have a disorder and accept that, but facing the living God at a wrathful time is unbelievably scary....IDK what to do anymore....It feels like Gravity is at ten fold and I'm going to break in half.

 

[ebob8b]

I am Praying for you Dabro.Trust God to remove any doubts or unwelcome thoughts you may have. God said HE would NEVER leave us nor forsake us. He loves us with so much love that we could never comprehend. Give all your troubles to HIM and Keep on Keepin on with JESUS. God Bless You Dabro.

Warm Christian Love, Bob

 

[dabro]

Gracealone, I don't want to do any exposure but I guess it's the only way to break this fear. Darn you Satan you'll pay!

 

[gracealone]

Yeah... I know Dabro. Our emotions don't line up with doing the exposure at all and it's difficult to engage in something that feels so risky and is the instinctive opposite of what our brain is wanting us to do. But as we do exposure the fear becomes less and less intense. It's like if you were terrified of rollercoasters but were forced to ride one over and over every day for about a week. Eventually, with repetition you'd stop feeling afraid while riding it. You'd probably even find it boring and that is exactly the goal of exposure. To flood the brain with the feared consequences of the obsession until it stops freaking out about it. God understands that we are treating an illness when we do this.
Yep... Satan will pay... but always keep it in mind that OCD is no different than any other type of affliction or oppression that we experience as humans living in a world that has been corrupted by the effects of sin. It isn't your fault you have OCD any more than it's someones fault that they have a heart condition.
Thankfully we know the end game. Remember that our redemption is an ongoing thing - past, present and future. He's got it all covered.
Praying,
Mitzi

Gracealone, I don't want to do any exposure but I guess it's the only way to break this fear. Darn you Satan you'll pay!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Gracealone, I don't want to do any exposure but I guess it's the only way to break this fear. Darn you Satan you'll pay!

Im with you buddy, one day we will be giving satan panic attacks when we get better and start spreading the word to even more people. I want satan to throw up in nausea and disgust. Dont give up buddy, im praying for you daily

 

[dabro]

Ur right Mitzi. This fear has been contolling my life for the better part of 2 yr's Now. Right before I went to bed last night I was starting to think of the thought's of hell and how I keep thinking I died in 05 and this is the after life. Then I put my foot down. Enough is enough. I can't be ruled by or dictated by this disorder. My Father in heaven wants to produce fruit not pain and suffering. I realized that I've became addicted to drugs again due to this illness and have slipped back into some old way again. I need the strength guy's so let us all pray in one and Nsync that God helps me overcome this.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Ur right Mitzi. This fear has been contolling my life for the better part of 2 yr's Now. Right before I went to bed last night I was starting to think of the thought's of hell and how I keep thinking I died in 05 and this is the after life. Then I put my foot down. Enough is enough. I can't be ruled by or dictated by this disorder. My Father in heaven wants to produce fruit not pain and suffering. I realized that I've became addicted to drugs again due to this illness and have slipped back into some old way again. I need the strength guy's so let us all pray in one and Nsync that God helps me overcome this.

Specifically praying for you as well as others on this forum who are really suffering this week.

 

[dabro]

And I'm praying 4 all of you as well!!!!!

 

[shelovesChrist]

Praying for you Dabro . Don't let these thoughts distract you. Keep your mind on our Father. Thoughts come in my head all the time, condenming me saying im fake, not a true Christian, I dont believe, man if I believed all those lies (like I used to) I'd be so down, but Im starting to get confidence in trusting God in that He says Hes righteous in judgment and because of that, I know He wont condemn me for having these thoughts. Stay strong in the Lord and continue to keep your mind on Him. We're tried, almost everyday, but we are still continuing despite our many afflictions. THey might be bigger than us, but not bigger than Christ who is in us. Praying for you =]

+ Great post CC, proud of you, despite your many afflictions, you're encouraging your brothers and sisters in Christ. God is good, still working through you despite the turmoil. He is that mighty. All praises to Him =]


Dabro, Notice that when Jesus came to us he spent most of his time with the most sinefull people of society. He loves us beyond our human understanding could comprehend. Think about how much you want to give to your parents or your best friend then multiply it by a trillion and even then you couldnt even come close to Gods mercy, Gods love, Gods forgiveness and Gods compassion.

Jesus Christ not only loves you, but HE THIRSTS FOR YOU.
To him you are a unique jewel made in the image of the Father

In my prayers my friend

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thank you Dabro, your prayers mean so much to me, and thank you sheloveschrist, even though I feel like im in hell itself I am never gonna stop reaching for the lord. Jesus doesnt lie

 

[michael714]

Dabro, praying that God fills you with His peace and love. (And everyone else on these boards).
"Perfect love casts out fear." I found that Max Lucado's recent book on fear was a great one.

 

[RPicking]

You know Dabro...I see me in your posts. I know it's probably something that you've heard over and over again, but do you think that an "unbeliever" goes around worrying if they're saved or not? Do you think that they worry about their eternity or not?? I think the best step forward is accepting that the "Thoughts" that you have are Obsessive and Intrusive thoughts that are NOT normal or from God.

I know that right now I feel the furtherest from God that I have felt ever in my life. I have cried out so many times for Victory in my OCD and the addictions that I have in my life, but when it comes to freeing myself from the addictions sometimes I look at them and see them as my way to feel control over my "OCD Addictions"

When I look at what I ask God to do in my life I remember that He can do far greater (Eph. 3:20)

 

[shelovesChrist]

RPicking , it's so true what you said about true unbelievers and how they act. sometimes our minds like to check, to search and make sure that we truly believe, and it seems sometimes the evidence is small, but we cant let this get us down. we do believe and these lies and condemnations are only trying to keep us from our goal in being perfected in our Lord, but we have to keep pressing forward, He's not done with us yet. My pastor says this all the time, i may not be what you want me to be, but thank God im not what i used to be. sometimes a lot of us dont really know how brave and faithful we've been and how far we've came in this. although it seems like we might go back and forth, and fall, we still rise. it really takes faith to get down on your knees and pray after you had almost every thought to condemn and attack the Lord's character in your mind. ive had thoughts that called Jesus liars and all, but i still find myself on my knees and praying because the more time we spend with Him, the more we know Him, and He says that His sheep hear his voice. dont let this false lies and condemnations try to make you feel unworthy or a bad person, they're unwanted and our Father knows this. we have to keep pressing toward the mark. RPicking i once felt as you were because of the thoughts and now it's because of them that i am the closest to God, for these trials are teaching me how to have faith and endure for our Lord. im praying that we all stay strong and faithful and hopeful through these trails and know that the Lord is with us always. praying. and there is deliverance in the Lord RPicking. the Holy Spirit gives us power to overcome those temptations, remember the flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing. sometimes we have a desire to stop sinning in one aspect of our lives, but we always find ourselves falling for temptation. the Holy Spirit will give you power over those temptations.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Christian,
You probably won't like hearing this, (actually I'm certain that you won't), but as part of my ERP exercises I had to schedule an appointment with myself to paint a mental image of the worst case scenario or outcome of the threats of my religious OCD. I pictured myself in hell. I painted a horrific mental image of what it might be like with words on paper, then I read it into a recorder it and listened to it. Within this recording was the following statement:
"Even in hell I will still praise His name... for He alone is worthy of all praise and He always does right. So if I end up in hell... I deserve to be there."
"OUCH!!!!"
I know that sounds horrific and it took a lot for me to build up the courage to do this sort of exercise but the goal is to habituate the brain to the obsessional theme so that it becomes so used to it that it stops over reacting to it. This is just like if you had a phobia about riding elevators you'd have to get on them and ride them over and over before the fear would ever settle down. Our "phobia" is attached to a thought in our brain. It's very hard to ride that elevator all the way to it's feared outcome and it's the exact opposite of what our emotional instincts are telling us to do.
What I've just described is referred to as "active" exposure which is a higher tier of therapy than passive exposure where we just let the thoughts be there. It's the toughest therapy of ERP. Meds. can assist us if we end up needing to do active exposure in order to finally put our OCD in it's place. Be patient with this process of recovery but never stop in your efforts to learn to manage this disorder. Keep reminding yourself - "this is a treatable disorder - not a spiritual problem or a character flaw".
I'm praying for you.
Mitzi

Thank you Dabro, your prayers mean so much to me, and thank you sheloveschrist, even though I feel like im in hell itself I am never gonna stop reaching for the lord. Jesus doesnt lie

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Mitzi, I couldnt imagine what it was like for you to even think that. For me that wouldnt be a fear because that is not what my ocd is attached to, but I do get your point, and yes for me to treat my ocd this way would be a nightmare because im fighting the very thoughts that my ocd wants me to believe. the other day I was watching a program that had a very deceptive description. I thought it was talking about proof of god and instead it shows some idiot scientist that had a device he said could induce an illusion of a miracle. That is when my anxiety started firing and I was thinking " here we go again". Now I have to fight this also. A few hours later before bed I calmed down a bit and actually slept. This morning I woke up with the thoughts of that show again.
My born again christian friend is also very knowledgable about ocd because he was to the point of suicide himself, and he said I wasnt the first person to go through this and I wont be the last.
Thanks Mitzi for your help,I dont know what I would have done without it.

Hi Christian,
You probably won't like hearing this, (actually I'm certain that you won't), but as part of my ERP exercises I had to schedule an appointment with myself to paint a mental image of the worst case scenario or outcome of the threats of my religious OCD. I pictured myself in hell. I painted a horrific mental image of what it might be like with words on paper, then I read it into a recorder it and listened to it. Within this recording was the following statement:
"Even in hell I will still praise His name... for He alone is worthy of all praise and He always does right. So if I end up in hell... I deserve to be there."
"OUCH!!!!"
I know that sounds horrific and it took a lot for me to build up the courage to do this sort of exercise but the goal is to habituate the brain to the obsessional theme so that it becomes so used to it that it stops over reacting to it. This is just like if you had a phobia about riding elevators you'd have to get on them and ride them over and over before the fear would ever settle down. Our "phobia" is attached to a thought in our brain. It's very hard to ride that elevator all the way to it's feared outcome and it's the exact opposite of what our emotional instincts are telling us to do.
What I've just described is referred to as "active" exposure which is a higher tier of therapy than passive exposure where we just let the thoughts be there. It's the toughest therapy of ERP. Meds. can assist us if we end up needing to do active exposure in order to finally put our OCD in it's place. Be patient with this process of recovery but never stop in your efforts to learn to manage this disorder. Keep reminding yourself - "this is a treatable disorder - not a spiritual problem or a character flaw".
I'm praying for you.
Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

Hi Christian,
I'm always amazed at the similarity of OCD experiences. I had that same thing happen to me with one of those, "scientific" shows. For a very long time I found it extremely difficult to watch any thing that argued against my belief in God as Creator, Christ as God the Son etc. I avoided all of those kinds of shows because they caused my OCD to flare up so badly.
I also avoided the good ones too.. because my OCD would still find something to accuse me of. Even listening to wonderful old hymns seemed more like listening to music from a horror movie. Everything that was a blessing and and joy in my life was turned into a reason to be afraid. But as hard as it is to imagine pulling out of that state of mind, it will happen. I agree with bluesboy that you need to do everything you can to treat this disorder and part of that is minimizing your stress level. Pleasant distractions are good for you right now. "God giveth us all things to enjoy."
Yes... doing that kind of ERP is distressing but as you do it your brain will eventually settle down. This is hard for any one with OCD no matter what their obsessional fear may be. Many, many people have had huge success with this sort of ERP. It's rather like inviting a ghost into your house and asking it to do it's level best to horrify you. The goal is to take charge of the fear, to one up it, to voluntarily exaggerate it. When we do this we invalidate it. It's like we are looking straight into it's big ugly face and saying... "really is that the best you can do? Well what about this?..."
If we continue to fight it we validate it and that makes our brain see it as a big hair raising emergency.
I did the same thing with the "athiest theme". I had this whole imaginary scenario painted in my brain of me carrying anti God signs in a protest against Christianity. I pictured my entire family wanting to disown me... etc. It was quite the horrific imagery for me at the time. But now?.... Well because I chose to voluntarily expose my brain to this fear over and over again it has lost it's power to make me afraid. That - is such a huge relief!! Doing it felt like stepping off the edge of a cliff but I'm glad I took that leap.
Learn all you can about this disorder and ask God to aid you and your Doctor's as you are learning to manage it. That's my prayer for you.
Mitzi

Mitzi, I couldnt imagine what it was like for you to even think that. For me that wouldnt be a fear because that is not what my ocd is attached to, but I do get your point, and yes for me to treat my ocd this way would be a nightmare because im fighting the very thoughts that my ocd wants me to believe. the other day I was watching a program that had a very deceptive description. I thought it was talking about proof of god and instead it shows some idiot scientist that had a device he said could induce an illusion of a miracle. That is when my anxiety started firing and I was thinking " here we go again". Now I have to fight this also. A few hours later before bed I calmed down a bit and actually slept. This morning I woke up with the thoughts of that show again.
My born again christian friend is also very knowledgable about ocd because he was to the point of suicide himself, and he said I wasnt the first person to go through this and I wont be the last.
Thanks Mitzi for your help,I dont know what I would have done without it.