Both being single and being in a relationship have their pros and cons. I married my high school sweet heart (we dated throughout high school). We were married for 12 years. We waited 9 years before having our son. Then changes came to both of us and the marriage failed. Now Im in my second relationship. But Ive experienced times of being single.
Being in relationships can be VERY frustrating and exhausting. Not only do you live to please another person in every way, but you have to depend upon them to please you, or give you the space you need to do the things that make you happy. I work all day, get home, run some errands & shopping, come home, assist with home work, assist with laundry, dishes, house cleaning, playing with the kids, bathing kids, feeding kids, bedtime stories, etc. By the time we had any time to ourselves
its 10 PM if we were lucky. Then wed cook some food for ourselves. Maybe enjoy a movie. Get up bright and early, get yourself ready, and help get the kids ready, get kids to baby sitter, and then rush to work. And you do it all over again. The cycle NEVER ends. Then factor in church attendance, church functions, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, modeling, and soccer practice. You have to break up fights, mend little broken hearts, and try to teach these selfish fallen creatures called children how to be descent adults and pray youre getting the message through. You have to embrace it and get used to it. Something in you has to love the challenge
or be extremely stupid. The kids and a solid, clean, well-stocked home is all that truly matters at this point. I dont remember when I last had time to even read my Bible at home. Even the blessed times of deep intimacy and passion between you and your partner become more and more rare. They have to be scheduled in
or it doesnt happen. Stress becomes an issue and if you dont manage it well
you fight all day as youre passing each other from event to event, from chore to chore. So you have to really surrender a lot of your self. Then of course just when you sit down and think you can rest, your partner wants a back rub or foot massage because they are sore and tired. Sometimes
you feel just as lonely as if you were single.
When I was single I got home from work. Did some dishes (if I felt like it) and maybe put some laundry in if needed. I had various days when I did things. I was the only one living there so everything was where I left it. You watch a little TV. Read your Bible. Get on the internet and study a subject out. Consider school. Consider a second job. Serve at the local gospel mission. Find a ministry to be involved in. Go out on the patio of your small apartment and grill out. Take a dip in the pool in your apartment complex. Maybe go out for a couple hours to socialize after dinner on the weekends. If you feel like going fishing, guess what
you just go. You have time to hang out at the coffee shop and read. You can go to the art galleries and wine tastings. You can go to the art museum to see that new exhibit. And who is going to stop you from going to see that new movie on opening night? Sure, it can get lonely. Thats why you need to have friends you can talk to. And you get closer to your friends for some reason. You guys share on a level that most friends dont when they are in a relationship, based on my experience. You can go on long walks and talk to God for a couple hours whenever you like. Your intimacy with God grows. There is stillness, or a quiet in your soul. For many, this is paradise
except with regards to one thing, physical intimacy. Being a male with a very healthy drive there were nights I wanted nothing more than to have someone in my life that I could be intimate with. But you learn to manage those needs on your own in whatever way is appropriate for you according to your spiritual maturity and convictions. You dont have someone saying they are too tired, sore from working, not in the mood, etc.
In a relationship You have to learn to accept and live with another persons weaknesses, character flaws, habits, and things you start to think indicate borderline insanity. In a relationship there are seasons where you feel just as lonely as when you were single. You find yourself lying in bed next to an exhausted person, staring at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than to be intimate, but being unable because its late, everyone is tired, sore, or youve been snippy at each other all day, and thats a big turn off for female partners.
Relationships are not always a virtual Garden of Eden. Fights and mind games can be very intense, even when they are rare. Add several biological complications and you often find yourself in a heated argument and ready to pack your bags over how you could possibly have lost that Mickey Mouse watch. Or you find yourself locked out of your house trying to negotiate your way back in because you forgot to switch the loads in the laundry. And then there is the mother of all sorrows
the heart break if the relationship fails. You are angry for how theyve wronged you. You are ashamed of how youve wronged them. You wonder whats wrong with you and why you are somehow not worthy to be loved.
Relationships, especially marriages, are NOT EASY. I was in the Army for 8 years. I can honestly say that the schedule of a family with at least two kids is much like that break neck schedule. But you rarely even get 20 minutes before lights out like you do in the Army. Lol
But for some, all that work and insanity is worth its trouble. Because just sharing life with someone, being intimate, watching the kids grow up healthy and educated
is your reason for breathing. Learning to GIVE UP EVERYTHING you want
to make a five year old smile say, I love you daddy! To have those rare occasions, typically a weekend when neither one of you have to work, when your partner comes into the bedroom, and instead of being disheveled, tired, and trying to avoid any hint of staying up later
they give you a provocative smile, and they are dressed to play for a while, just the two of you.
Relationships are not nuptial bliss every night. They arent sweet hugging and loving most of the time. Kids arent always cute little darlings who play peacefully in their rooms when you need just five minutes of quiet.
For some, those wired for single life, all the chaos and the break neck schedule takes all the joy out of things like enjoying kids, intimacy, etc. Being able to cultivate their person and enjoy the pleasures of life and do as they please when they please brings happiness. Good friends are the highlight of their socialization. These folks often get into relationships and marriages only to find out later that being married or in a relationship isnt what makes them happy.
Paul wasnt joking when he wrote:
1 Corinthians 7:32-34
King James Version (KJV)
32But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
Also, if youre a guy
dont assume a good Christian girl is hardwired to serve you as a wife, lover, and mother. As Paul said, a husband cares for how he might please his wife. Why? Because with females, the more YOU serve and give of yourself, the more they do. So, if you need them to assist you or the home much
you must assist them much. A successful relationship is almost a total surrender of your identity as an individual. If this isnt your thing, being single would be a lot less difficult and/or painful on you and the other unwitting victim.
If youre single
Id make a list of everything youd want to do within 100 miles of your home. Start out by listing ten things. Going to places, museums, the great outdoors, clubs, social events, take classes, etc., and DO IT. Cultivate who you are. Focus on Christ and who He designed you to be. Get out and LIVE LIFE. Dont sit around dreaming of a relationship. If its meant to be, it will happen. But until then
live and gain all the experience you can. It will help you be a better partner for someone down the road.
God bless.
