Ok, how long do you wait?

[covenantwmn]

As many of you know, my daughter, Moluku, is in love with someone she met on here, but the distance between them is too great he says. She is of the camp that believes nothing is impossible with God and if He wants them together, they should pursue the relationship online until such time as they can at least meet. He, believing that God is not all that interested in who you marry, long as they're a Christian, that there are more than one person for you, sees the distance as too great a problem to resolve. My girl is true blue even so, but she's not sure how long to hang on to hope. She wants to listen to God, but not be building up false hope. Anybody been thru similar, or have opinions? Thanks & God bless.
in Him, Leslie

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I wish I knew. I hope that God has a hand in picking out my future husband-I'd hate to think I had to do that all on my own. Does the guy think they should stop communicating altogether? Why can't they continue to talk, but perhaps more as friends and just see what happens?

 

[strengthinweakness]

I live in the U.S. (Maryland, to be exact), and I have been in long-distance, long-term relationships with women in other states, and even with one who lived in another country. I agree that nothing is impossible with God-- but in an extremely long-distance situation, both people have to be equally serious, and equally committed to maintaining the relationship until it is possible for them to be together. It sounds as if this man is not as serious as your daughter is, if he is willing to "give up" that easily on a possible relationship. Perhaps she should try talking to him one more time to share with him how seriously she feels, and then, if he still has the same point of view, I would advise not hanging on... I know that that will be painful, but hanging on when there is little to no hope is much worse. Been there, done that, God help me, not going back again...

 

[Keri]

I think you wait for God to tell you when it's HIS time and if it's the one He's picked for you.

I'm "with" someone that I met at a Christian chat room. We've known each other for 3 weeks and it seems like forever. But I'm not committing myself to any man but Jesus right now. I'm tired of looking and picking the bad ones. I know that Jesus will bring me that perfect man in His time. So until then, I'm just talking to this guy, who is a wonderful Christian man and maybe someday something will come of it and we can meet and go from there.

 

[strengthinweakness]

I don't think that we have to wait for God to "pick" our gf/bf or wife/husband. God is sovereign over all, including our choices. If He doesn't want us to date someone that we want to date, then He will keep it from happening. Of course, one could say, "What about the times when a Christian dates a non-Christian, and God doesn't keep that from happening?" Sometimes, God allows us to sin that we can learn a lesson from it. As far as God's choosing our partner though, I think that, as He is sovereign, He ultimately chooses everyone's partner. That doesn't mean that we have to be looking for some kind of "special word" from Him, though, about a specific person. If a woman that I am interested in is a serious Christian, and we get along well, as far as I am concerned, Biblically speaking, those factors are my "green light" from God to express my interest to her! If I express interest, and she doesn't reciprocate, then I know that she is most likely not the woman that God has chosen for me (if He has chosen a woman for me).

 

[Keri]

Very true, though I like to believe that God has picked/chosen a man for me.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

This is exactly why Long Distance/Online dating is so hard..

Having a relationship is hard enough w/o distance involved.

I used to convince myself that distance meant nothing.. I lived in Canada he lived in the lower USA and ya know what it does make a huge difference.

If someone really wnated to make a relationship work it would it seem like this guy is feeding lines.

Beings I have been there I can totally relate and my heart goes out to her..But the fact is she deserves someone who loves her, needs her and who would move anything to be with with her..
I have since learned Geographics mean a lot..

 

[none the wiser]

SC and PA. And we have a long time to wait. Distance does make a huge difference. And it's tough, but I'm so glad I took the plunge.

He, believing that God is not all that interested in who you marry, long as they're a Christian, that there are more than one person for you, sees the distance as too great a problem to resolve

I know of a couple now who's engaged. One in England, one in Michigan. It is a great problem, but you can resolve it. And also, regardless of whether God has picked out a mate or not, a perfect person for you comes into your life seldom. Is he willing to take that chance?

Personally, I'd say stop hoping, if he's not involved, as soon as possible. Because if it's meant to be, as she says, it'll happen. It's just not the right time. And she's getting hurt waiting.

 

[peanutbutter12]

As many of you know, my daughter, Moluku, is in love with someone she met on here, but the distance between them is too great he says. She is of the camp that believes nothing is impossible with God and if He wants them together, they should pursue the relationship online until such time as they can at least meet. He, believing that God is not all that interested in who you marry, long as they're a Christian, that there are more than one person for you, sees the distance as too great a problem to resolve. My girl is true blue even so, but she's not sure how long to hang on to hope. She wants to listen to God, but not be building up false hope. Anybody been thru similar, or have opinions? Thanks & God bless.
in Him, Leslie

Coming from a long distance relationship myself (PA/CA), we made a lot of decisions early on that helped us though that time. One was not getting too serious till we've met in person. People, while they don't mean to, can sometimes act differently with others on the computer than they do online. And I understand that a lot of people say they don't, but sometimes it's unintentional.

One thing I would suggest highly of is getting both of them involved with the others families and friends. That makes things so much easier on them when they do decide to meet and plus, you always need the support of those around you, especially family. When I met my wife, I was always talking to her parents and her friends and was always answering questings and just getting an opportunity to get to know them and vice versa. It only takes one disapproving person to constantly remind you of how stupid they think you are to make your lives hell.

As far as the seeing thing, they won't know if this is it or not till they meet and get a chance to spend time together, but if it's real, they will wait as long as it takes. One thing they should both be doing is saving up money for one to fly out and see the other and spend some time together. I don't know the ages of the people involved, but I flew out and got myself a hotel room and would go to her house and hang with her family.

The other thing they need to consider: if it does get serious and they want to move forward, when they get married, who moves to the others city?

Good luck,
CJ

 

[Moluku]

It really seems like the best decision is to give up. It hurts, but seems the wise thing to do.

 

[Moluku]

Does the guy think they should stop communicating altogether? Why can't they continue to talk, but perhaps more as friends and just see what happens?

His words don't show it, but his actions do. The friendship is slowly fading, despite my attempts. It's hard, and beginning to hurt too much, to try talking to him when he won't respond. There's a large time difference and he's stopped coming on at our usual time when we would normally talk and catch up on each other. But now, that door seems to have closed and I'm left confused as to why he's basically stopped talking. Oh well, such as life goes sometimes.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

His words don't show it, but his actions do. The friendship is slowly fading, despite my attempts. It's hard, and beginning to hurt too much, to try talking to him when he won't respond. There's a large time difference and he's stopped coming on at our usual time when we would normally talk and catch up on each other. But now, that door seems to have closed and I'm left confused as to why he's basically stopped talking. Oh well, such as life goes sometimes.

I am sorry you are being treated like this You deserve to knwo where you stand and not left wondering what you did.. He shoudl have enough respect for the relationship to give you that easy or not.

You are in my prayers sweetie

 

[~HopeFloats~]

It really seems like the best decision is to give up. It hurts, but seems the wise thing to do.

Thinking of you.. how hard this must be for you..

Did he stop talking completely or is there something else going on in his life is is unwilling to share?

 

[sweetlambofgod]

in my opinion they dont work, been through one

 

[Moluku]

Thinking of you.. how hard this must be for you..

Did he stop talking completely or is there something else going on in his life is is unwilling to share?

It's frustrating to say the least. Not quite sure what's going on, but I want to protect my heart at the moment. I figure it's up to the Lord to show me what to do, and a friendship can't be onesided.

 

[mina]

I think you both have to be on the same page and in agreement with what you want for anything to work. Even in a face to face relationship, but especially in a long distance relationship. I'm sorry this is not turning out like you wanted, moluku. but you DO deserve to be in a relationship where both of you want to move forward together. This probably sounds trite but I think it's true: If you love something , set it free, if it comes back to you then it was truly meant to be.

 

[Keri]

That is great advice!

 

[Moluku]

Your advice is great. I've let go of everything. We're no longer speaking since he doesn't feel comfortable and doesn't feel the internet is a good place for deep friendships. I respect his decision as much as this hurts and how blind I feel to the entire situation. Oh well, I lost someone who I thought was a close friend. The words are ringing in my head that the Lord knows, but this still hurts so greatly and I feel like my heart has been wrenched and ripped apart. Yes, there are most likely lessons to be learned from this, as from all life situations. But as of right now I can't make the tears stop or this emptiness in my heart at losing someone completely that I thought was a good friend. We're all wrong throughout our lives, this is one of those times.

 

[covenantwmn]

Right beside you sweetheart.

love, Mom

 

[Derringforth]

You don't know how close I was to where you are....I got involved with a guy online, LD, and he ended up toying with me and throwing me out. I was going to reccomend against the LDR, but as it seems it is already decided (((((((((hugs)))))))) to you