Dear Nitz,
Question, now that this has finally reached the exec level I am actually being asked.
Let's be clear. The question you have not been asked - and will not be asked - is: Are you married to a man or a woman?
The question you are now being asked is: Have you ever freely made a public statement in a CF thread that clearly states you are in a same-sex marriage?
I gather from our current exchange that the answer is "no". I am more than willing to take your word for it. Unless and until someone comes forward with evidence to dispute what you are claiming...I will presume you are truthful. That is all we can and should do here. I do not dispute your personal integrity and I very strongly feel that all humans are entitled to be respectfully treated in a manner that reflects on our common human dignity. Please know that neither I nor any other Exec has instructed any staff members to dig up all your posts to verify your claim (again - we presume you are truthful). If, however, someone happens to remember something and comes forward with it, then we will have to consider such evidence based on its own merits. However, since you say that there is no such evidence in the first place...well...that is good enough for me.
But also from what you say in this section since I have never made such a statement, I should not even have to be asked in the first place.
That's correct. However, human beings sometimes make mistakes and sometimes err in judgment. I wasn't involved in the original decision so I don't know on what basis they made their original decision. My guess (and that is all that it is at this point) is that someone simply made a mistake. Unfortunately it has taken far longer to straighten out than it ideally would, and for that I, as an Exec, am willing to accept the blame. The last couple of weeks have been crazy-busy with numerous contentious and important decisions to make and we simply do not have the time to look into everything as quickly as they should be. While that is not meant as an excuse, I will ask for your forgiveness over our tardiness in addressing this matter. Again, I will take a personal interest in this case - and I am sure that the other Execs will too.
I'm not complaining you are being intentionally contradictory, but only unintentionally
If the standard is presumption of innocence, then there should be no need for me to answer any question whatsoever, correct?
Well...I understand what you are saying, but look at it for a moment from my side. You have complained often about having never been asked "the question" (Which question? The "Are you married to a man" question - or the "Have you ever stated in public that you are married to a man" question?). So you are asking us to ask you a question. And yet the moment we were to ask you or anyone else a question, then we are immediately accused by some of asking invasive questions.
So I am trying to be consistent and not asking personal or invasive questions. The only thing I will ask you is if you were unfairly treated when your icon was removed. If you say "yes" - then I will assume that your marriage conforms to the CF definition and I will ask no further questions. If you say "no" - then I will also take your word for it that your marriage does not conform to the CF definition. I don't know how I could be any more fair than that. While I understand that some people will not agree with CF's definition I do not want to get into the business of being a grand inquisitor. If a person decides to secretly misrepresent themselves then that is between them and G-d.
And since I can give you my guarantee that I have never made any statement whatsoever that would conflict with the CF rule (note, I am not saying that my marriage does not conflict, only that I have not stated anything as such) then there should be no need for me to answer the question?
That's right - except that several times you have asked us to ask the question. We have to clear it up somehow...so in an effort to clear up this one case...the only question I am asking is "Have you made a public statement in CF in which you freely claimed for yourself that you are in a same sex marriage?" The answer you have already given is "no." Therefore we will presume you are telling the truth and allow you the marriage icon rings - plus an apology will be forthcoming. I don't need to see any documents, nor will I be reading what you have written on other websites including IIDB (a site I do not have an account for - a site I do not read - a site I couldn't care less about to be perfectly honest with you). I won't be sending out any Jesuit minions from the Vatican to spy on you (just a little levity to lighten the situation), nor will I ask any of the people from your CF Buddy list (assuming you have one in the first place). Simply stated, it's none of my business.
This has been my position all along. Since I have not specifically stated anything to the contrary, then I should be afforded the same non-invasiveness afforded to every other member.
That is absolutely correct.
There should not have even been any questioning brought against me in the first place, since the only things I have said is that I am gay and that I am married. It is only by conflating the two into something that may/may not resemble reality that all of this action has been brought against me.
Again - I can't really comment because I wasn't there when the original decision was made. However, I would speculate that it came down to simple human error. I also suspect that it will be a very long time before someone else will have their icon removed without a clear public (CF public) admission of having misrepresented themselves. There can be ways of addressing this internally in terms of tweaking protocol etc... but I can't really discuss that here, of course. Let's just say that I hope you are the first and last case of this type.
But, to be certain, since I have not made any statement contrary to the CF's policy regarding marriage then you personally do not feel that I am obliged to answer any question regarding my marriage since you would not ask such questions of any other member who has not made any statement contrary to the policy?
That's right. And if you will see, I haven't asked you any invasive questions about your marriage or the gender of your spouse. The only question I asked is if you made any statements on the matter about yourself. I haven't asked you to reveal anything about your private life that you haven't already willingly revealed in public yourself.
Lastly, I just want to also make it very clear to anyone reading this post that as for myself I have zero desire to "root out gays" etc.... If you knew me personally you would know that my father employed a significant number of gay people - in fact the gay employees outnumbered the straight number. I grew up around gay people...they don't bother me...I am not phobic about gays...etc...and I am not looking to persecute anyone. Not that you did this to me (because you haven't) but I have rather resented the number of times people in these CF threads have called into question the level of charity I have in my heart for my fellow humans of all stripes. The Execs as a whole (and hence me by extension) have been called some of the ugliest things imaginable...and I have to tell you...I am not what I have been accused of. Thanks - I just need to get that off my chest.
G-d's Peace,
NewMan99
Catholic Affairs Director
Because its a sin for us brothers and sisters to fight and slander eachother!
