Offense

[Gentle Lamb]

Is it always wise to tell somebody that they have offended you? I know the Bible says that if someone offends you then you should go and tell that person that they have offended you, but what about when you are concerned about how the person may react? What if you can't do the process outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, then what do you do?

 

[sandman]

I Don't know what you mean by offend ....So many things today people are offended by meaningless things.
I am not saying this is the case, but thoroughly examine the situation from every angle before confrontation. Then .....You ask God how to handle it.....and follow through.
When Nathan reproved David in 2Sa 12:1...nothing else could have been better or would have worked.

 

[Tolworth John]

Is it always wise to tell somebody that they have offended you? I know the Bible says that if someone offends you then you should go and tell that person that they have offended you, but what about when you are concerned about how the person may react? What if you can't do the process outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, then what do you do?

Depends on the situation.

A comment said once that offends might be ignored, but that same comment repeated needs addressing.
Work colleagues and church members should be aware of their responcibility to care for colleagues, other church members.

How they may react? How deeply offended are you?
Does this person offend other people? Some people are highly offencive and won't change.

If this person is someone you want to be with speak to them. Stress how much you are hurt by their words, that you do not find it funny, that you want them to stop and that you want to be their friend.

 

[timf]

In today's society all sorts of people try to bully others by saying they have been offended (like with TS pronouns). You might not want to be associated with those people.

There are some things you can do to set boundaries. For example once at work years ago a coworker said something that was really foul. My response was, "Thanks Tom, I could have gone all day without that image in my head".

If someone has a personal problem (like wearing too much perfume) you might mention a personal sensitivity and ask if they could dial it back a few notches.

If it is someone taking God's name in vain, you might casually mention that if he keeps using God's name, what would he do if God actually shows up. You could than ask if they are interested in you telling them about Jesus. This is a good way to insure that the person will avoid you.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Is it always wise to tell somebody that they have offended you? I know the Bible says that if someone offends you then you should go and tell that person that they have offended you, but what about when you are concerned about how the person may react? What if you can't do the process outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, then what do you do?

Sometimes people dont realize they are being offensive. The trick is to deliver a kind message to correct the matter. I for one would sign up for that class!
Blessings

 

[Gentle Lamb]

In this case, I am talking about real offense, not petty "offenses". Like if you notice the person seems to have anger issues and then you experience that anger for yourself firsthand. Like when someone displays aggressive anger towards you that scares you, and then you become afraid of the person. In that case, what is the best course of action to take?

 

[JAM2b]

If someone were aggressive toward me, I would avoid them. I would be fearful of it escalating and being harmed. That's just me though.

If you think they are not aware that what they are doing is offensive, you could try to talk to them in a calm moment and let them know how it made you feel, but that might not get the result you want. It might trigger their aggression again.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Yes, triggering the anger again is my concern, and the fear became a factor when the anger came along. Kinda broke my confidence in approaching to talk about things when the anger became a factor.

 

[Cormack]

You’re not a therapist, @Gentle Lamb. I mean, you might be one, I’m assuming you’re not though. We don’t have the tools to fix or correct someone’s anger if it’s as intense as you have explained. Anger that seems to boarder on or threaten violence is the kind of thing you should avoid.

If this person is avoidable, then ghost them. They don’t have a right to your time. If they’re unavoidable, then avoid their triggers and create distance until they become avoidable.

Don’t judge them too harshly based upon a single interaction, but on who they are in general. If they have shown themselves to have problems and to be untrustworthy, then distance is best.

If however there’s still trust in the relationship, then approach the issue in a safe environment and with sensitivity. “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” If they pull a repeat performance, then that’s your sign to exit.

 

[timf]

You can ask, "You seem really angry with me. Is it something I said or did or are you angry with something else and I just got in the way?"

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Thank you for the input, it is helpful.

 

[hedrick]

The context of the Biblical instruction is church discipline. It’s about something serious enough that if personal discussion doesn’t solve it, potentially the Church would take action. So this doesn’t sound like normal insults and offenses, which Jesus says elsewhere we should ignore (turn the other cheek). It also only makes sense for someone in your church.

But I agree with Timf if you’re dealing with a friend or colleague and it bothers you enough to affect your relationship. A diplomatic attempt to deal,with it makes sense.