odd sex obsessions

[rubycakes]

hi!

I"m new to this site but I think it is what I was looking for. I have been dealing with obsessive worrying for quite some time. Usually my obsessions are over whether I believe in God or not and if I love my husband. For a few weeks now Ive had this sex obsession that I might be a pedophile.

THis obsession actually started 5 or 6 years ago when I was babysitting a friends baby sister and I was bathing the baby and I thought, am I a pedophile? I freaked out and tried to convince myself i wasnt.

I actually told my boyfriend at the time (my hubby now) about this and he said, "no youre not. dont worry" and I also started taking meds for the first time so I just dropped it. I believed that I wasnt and life went on as usual. I didnt even think about it again for the longest time.

SInce I got married a few years ago I have been thinking about having a baby and I really wanted one but then a few weeks ago my brother (who suffers from OCD) sd he was obsessing w/the thought that he was a pedophile and maybe he was attracted to our 8 year old neice.

Well for some reason this freaked me out and I started to think maybe I was attracted to my neice. I am actually living w/my sister and her family while my hubby is working out of state so I"m around my neice all the time. IT's freaking me out and I dont want to think these thoughts but the more I try to make it go away the worse it gets. THoughts play out in my mind and I'm psychoanalyzing every thought and feeling I have to see if I'm aroused or not. IT is crazy!

OF course, now I dont want to have a baby b/c I'm afraid I will be attracted to my baby or what if I molested it etc etc. I'm also afraid that I will think of my neice when I"m having intercourse w/ my hubby.

I'm basically freaking out. I want this to go away. My hubby knows and is supportive of me but I feel like a freak pedophile. PLease help w. any suggestions

 

[zingiber]

Your thoughts sound like OCD, of the pure obsessional sort (I have read of others who have very similar obsessions to you, for example, a father obsessed with sexual thoughts to do with his first child. (There are many others, but that is one I've managed to find quickly). You're not the only one. You are no paedophile. If you were, you would take pleasure from the thoughts and not be horrified by them.
Since the thoughts are OCD, you should just ignore them. All obsessions stay alive by excessive rumination on the thought. The more you think about it, the more attention you give it, the more the brain thinks that it is important, and therefore the more it worries you. That is how OCD gets bad, because you can't forget a thought by thinking about it (or thinking about not thinking about it). If you ignore it, it goes. I have been able to beat most of my obsessions like this.
I will be praying for you.

 

[Jayangel81]

Zingiber is right sounds a bit more on the line of OCD but make sure with a docter because OCD can be misdiagnosed.. You may have all these sexual thoughts but they arent real like was said.

I used to have sexual thoughts about God, and my immediate family which btw is not cool... But i had to write them off as part of my illness..

Just have to ignore it. Just because you have thoughts of it, does not mean you will be doing it. I would have gone insane long ago if that was the case due to the stuff ive experianced.

Youre in my prayers

Bless you!

brother in Christ

 

[rubycakes]

I was reading in an "OCD book" about sex obsessions and it said something to the effect that if you get pleasure from the thought, then you need to see a professional because you pretty much have something else. THis freaked me and I think that it was this that made me start thinking that i might be getting some kind of pleasure from the thoughts or that I was really attrracted to my neice.

THe thing is, I'm so confused now and now I'm not so if if i dont get some kind of arousal. I know that when i think of it I get anxiety and I dont want to have the thoughts at all.

I dont know if this is normal for OCD or not. I know for now that it has pretty much killed my sex drive. UGH!

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I had this same problem back when my first neice was born. I also worked at a childcare so you could imagine how those thoughts would be disturbing. It made me feel evil and vile but I knew that it was crazy and I would never do anything like that especially since I was a christian and a perfectionistic one at that. People that are pedophiles do not consider pedophilia as abnormal. they also have little or no conviction about doing sexual acts on children.

 

[babegirl111]

They are absoulutely right Rubycakes! Listen to them! Believe me, It is the enemy and OCD!

 

[stacii]

Ruby - That feeling of "Did that thought bring me pleasure?" is a huge red flag for OCD. Definitely definitely. It's kind of weird, but if you have to think about whether or not something made you happy - it probably didn't. And you even said that you don't want to have the thoughts at all...

The reason I think OCD confuses people in situations like yours is because you have to wonder why your brain would keep returning to a thought that you find so vile. I think the basic FALSE assumption we have is that if we keep going back to a thought it must be bringing us pleasure. And that is just not true. We keep going back to it because we have a disorder. A true medical condition that can be treated.

Also - one of my recurring obsessions is whether or not I love my husband. I'm not experiencing it now - but it comes for a month or so every year. To get through that I just remind myself that it doesn't matter if I love him or not - I'm married to him and that's that. Once I remind myself of that, I'm fully aware once again that I totally love him and to doubt it is silly!

 

[stacii]

One more quick thought:

A wise person once wrote on here that if the thoughts that are causing your anxiety are "what if" thoughts it is a good indicator that OCD is the culprit....for example:

What if I committed the unpardonable sin
what if I am attracted to my niece
what if I become a crazed serial killer
what if I get AIDS from shaking someone's hand
what if I hit someone with my car and didn't notice

 

[rubycakes]

Thank you to everyone that has supported me! I need this site and the Christian support so much!
It was crazy, today I went to Old Navy and there was a baby clothes sale and all I could think of was my obsession. I guess that just comes with the OCD territory. Ahhh..

So another question I have is what is the belief about satan putting these thoughts in our heads. Is it satan or is it a mental disorder? Just wondering?!?!?

 

[Chaplain David]

God bless you.

 

[gracealone]

Thank you to everyone that has supported me! I need this site and the Christian support so much!
It was crazy, today I went to Old Navy and there was a baby clothes sale and all I could think of was my obsession. I guess that just comes with the OCD territory. Ahhh..

So another question I have is what is the belief about satan putting these thoughts in our heads. Is it satan or is it a mental disorder? Just wondering?!?!?

HI Ruby,
Lots of awesome counsel in the previous posts.
I know you are in great distress and I'm deeply concerned for the pain that your OCD is causing you.
Since you've already know that you have OCD and that it runs in your family I think that you know it's OCD. It's just that the OCD demands that we keep checking and checking. One very typical OCD question is to try and figure out/check whether the thought is a valid/legitimate concern or OCD. All OCD thoughts seem valid because of the huge surge of fight or flight emotions that accompany them. It's that exaggerated instinctive response that drives us to begin obsessing and fighting against the thoughts instead of just being able to ignore them.
The key is to just let the thought alone without giving it attention so that it can die a natural death. You must starve it instead of feeding it by ruminating about it. You also have to expect that when you do this your anxiety level might go up at first but in time as you practice ignoring the thoughts it will get better.
You thoughts aren't anything new to the world of OCD'ers. I've had my own torturous abberent OCD thoughts which centered on harming my children when they were babies. It was all OCD and it was my deep love for my children that made this type of OCD so incredibily distressing. My kids are all grown up, have babies of their own and live their lives for Jesus Christ.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

 

[rubycakes]

HI Ruby,
Lots of awesome counsel in the previous posts.
I know you are in great distress and I'm deeply concerned for the pain that your OCD is causing you.
Since you've already know that you have OCD and that it runs in your family I think that you know it's OCD. It's just that the OCD demands that we keep checking and checking. One very typical OCD question is to try and figure out/check whether the thought is a valid/legitimate concern or OCD. All OCD thoughts seem valid because of the huge surge of fight or flight emotions that accompany them. It's that exaggerated instinctive response that drives us to begin obsessing and fighting against the thoughts instead of just being able to ignore them.
The key is to just let the thought alone without giving it attention so that it can die a natural death. You must starve it instead of feeding it by ruminating about it. You also have to expect that when you do this your anxiety level might go up at first but in time as you practice ignoring the thoughts it will get better.
You thoughts aren't anything new to the world of OCD'ers. I've had my own torturous abberent OCD thoughts which centered on harming my children when they were babies. It was all OCD and it was my deep love for my children that made this type of OCD so incredibily distressing. My kids are all grown up, have babies of their own and live their lives for Jesus Christ.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

So, gracealone, when you had crazy thoughts about harming your kids did you ever try cognitive behavior therapy? I have heard about it, about "exposure therapy"etc and Ive heard about thinking about the thought to cause you anxiety to eventually numb yourself to the idea.

TO me, I dont want to play these thoughts out in my head or on paper etc because that would cause me too much pain and I'm afraid of what if I get some pleasure from the thought?

I have been taking effexor and it has helped tremendously with the anxiety and I feel more like a normal person. I feel like I can decipher from the thoughts and see them as outlandish etc. I still get the thoughts though. Is there a different "CHristian" way to deal with the OCD thoughts?

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi ruby, wanted to respond. So sorry you are dealing with this horrible stuff!

I, too, deal mainly with the obsessions of "do I love my husband," or "do I believe in God" - coincidentally, the two things that I am the most emotionally affected by, and the two things in my life that I need to be the most certain about.

I have read TONS of stories like yours - you need not be afraid, it is JUST OCD. Hard to believe when the thoughts seem so real and vivid, and even harder to believe when our emotions seem to be telling us the exact opposite of what we want to think, feel, or believe.

If you live in the U.S. I HIGHLY recommend seeing an OCD therapist. If you go to the OC Foundation website (www.ocfoundation.org I believe, if not, just google OC Foundation and it will be the first result that pops up), you can search for OCD therapists in your area. That is how I found my therapist and she was an amazing help. I saw her for about 3 months before I felt strong enough to go on my own. That was almost a year ago and though I have had some setbacks and flareups since then, I feel WAY more in control of my OCD than before.

In the meantime, trust me when you say that nothing you have written surprises me or shocks me. If you replaced your obsession with "do I love my husband" or "do I have faith?", it would be the mirror image of my OCD journey. What helps me now is recognizing I have OCD and not trying to answer the questions. I try to side-step them and live with the anxiety. Sometimes that means just repeating to myself "I have anxiety, this is what I'm experiencing, I can live with it."

A twist in my OCD has led me to obsessing that my husband doesn't love me anymore (what a turn around from my usual obsession!) and it's just as bad as the other ones, OCD has a tendency to change at the drop of a hat without warning - that's how my religious obsessions started.

Let me guess -your obsessions about loving your husband or believing in God seem silly now, right? You probably think - what's the big deal with those obsessions, now that you're not dealing with them? Happens to me all the time.

Hang in there, PM me if you need some support.

 

[Debi1967]

Just a friendly reminder to everyone

Recovery is a place for Christian peer support and help and not for professional care. Therefore these things are considered off topic:

• Promoting yourself as an expert
• Diagnosing
• Offering treatment of any kind to other members
• Prescribing over the counter remedies
• Discouraging someone from taking prescribed medications, getting professional services or using hotlines or crisis lines
• Discouraging the use of the Christian faith to cope with problems and struggles.

Quote:
Recovery Staff feel very strongly that members need to seek out real life licensed professional services and local pastoral care in addition to asking for support and advice here.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

to answer the question of satan vs. disorder

all sickness and disorder is a result of the fall. that being said satan plays a role in every disorder we have because he is largly responible for the fall that resulted in afflictions.

It is good to remember that satan cannot do anything to christians unless God allows it. I believe OCD to be a mental disorder that satan tries to use but that God is completly soverign over and also uses for his purposes. the way we talk about OCD it is like we personify it and give it a personality. It can be like a demon whispering lies into our ear over and over again. I see it as being a symbolic demon not a literal one. I do believe though that satanic oppression is involved in it but that it is best to see it from a medical and scientific perspective than a spiritual warfare one. This is because OCD is seen in various cultures and context. Scrupulosity is not limited to christianity. This shows that something other than satan is the cause.

I also believe that as James instructs the prayer of faith and an annointing of oil for healing (the annointing of oil being symbolic of medical treatment) we should Go to God with our OCD but also seek the necessary medical treatment for it.

 

[gracealone]

So, gracealone, when you had crazy thoughts about harming your kids did you ever try cognitive behavior therapy? I have heard about it, about "exposure therapy"etc and Ive heard about thinking about the thought to cause you anxiety to eventually numb yourself to the idea.

TO me, I dont want to play these thoughts out in my head or on paper etc because that would cause me too much pain and I'm afraid of what if I get some pleasure from the thought?

I have been taking effexor and it has helped tremendously with the anxiety and I feel more like a normal person. I feel like I can decipher from the thoughts and see them as outlandish etc. I still get the thoughts though. Is there a different "CHristian" way to deal with the OCD thoughts?

HI Rubycakes,
Actually I didn't even know that what I had was OCD back then. For me it all started with severe panic disorder which came on shortly after the birth of my second child,(I didn't know what that was too). The panic attacks made me feel as if I was going crazy and then something I just happened to read about a mom who had harmed her baby suggested to me that I might go crazy and do the exact same thing. I couldn't get it out of my head and it tortured me to think such thoughts and have such images.
The obsession died a natural death but it took a very long time to do so. During that time I finally learned that I had panic disorder and began to implement a vigorous exercise program which in time really helped to raise my serotonin levels.
During this time a day never passed that I didn't seek the Lord in prayer or look to His word for truth. For me the thing about living with OCD or panic disorder or any disorder for that matter is to realize that, number 1. that it is a real illness, an affliction, and number 2 that God isn't limited by our afflictions but rather that He often uses them to make us more aware of and more dependant upon His power. See 1 Cor. 12:7-10
As far as using Exposure/Response and seeking the help of a professional - if I'd known about those things back then, (early 80's), I would have sought out this type of help. Have you read Dr. Edna Foa's book "Stop Obsessing" yet? I believe that God certainly does work in and through Dr.'s, after all it is He who has gifted them with the ability and knowlegde to diagnose and treat medical conditions.
There are different levels of exposure/response therapy and maybe just "letting the thoughts be there" without attending to them will be enough to cause the eventual extinction of them.
I agree wholeheartly with what the moderator said about getting professional advice and help.
We can encourage you by sharing our personal experiences with OCD and we can hold you up in prayer before God but we cannot diagnose or treat you.
I'm glad to hear the medication is helping, but at the same time I feel very strongly that medication is not the cure all for this disorder but just one component of the whole treatment program.
Still praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

to answer the question of satan vs. disorder

all sickness and disorder is a result of the fall. that being said satan plays a role in every disorder we have because he is largly responible for the fall that resulted in afflictions.

It is good to remember that satan cannot do anything to christians unless God allows it. I believe OCD to be a mental disorder that satan tries to use but that God is completly soverign over and also uses for his purposes. the way we talk about OCD it is like we personify it and give it a personality. It can be like a demon whispering lies into our ear over and over again. I see it as being a symbolic demon not a literal one. I do believe though that satanic oppression is involved in it but that it is best to see it from a medical and scientific perspective than a spiritual warfare one. This is because OCD is seen in various cultures and context. Scrupulosity is not limited to christianity. This shows that something other than satan is the cause.

I also believe that as James instructs the prayer of faith and an annointing of oil for healing (the annointing of oil being symbolic of medical treatment) we should Go to God with our OCD but also seek the necessary medical treatment for it.

Very well said OP!! You really get it!!
Just one more point on the activity of oppression. I think you put it very well that Satan can and does oppress Christians in various ways.
But what we with OCD have to realize is that this oppression can never take away our free will, our choice to choose to trust in and follow Christ to the best of our ability. When Satan oppressed Job, Job's will was still in tact and although he didn't understand the "why's?" of his oppression he still said of the Lord, "Though He slay me yet will I trust Him." He chose volitional faith in the midst of his suffering.
This is where our faith must stand on it's own without being dependant upon our circumstances and often without a shred of emotional validation.

Any way, great post OP, thanks for sharing this insight.
Mitzi