OCD Related?

[BeccaLynn]

I battle with something which I don't know has somehing to do with OCD or not. I'm unsure of even how to explain it, but I will use a couple of examples. My husband lost his job at the end of January. By summer, he still was umeployed. I have a huge desire every year to go to the beach for vacation. I often daydream about it, especially when I'm stressed. The problem for several years now has not been having the finances to go. We have gone into more debt to go on vacations that we couldn't really afford to go on, although they are not elaborate ones. This year, I prayed that we could go to the beach somehow. Not long after that, my mother said that she couldn't really afford to go, but tha she wanted to take her family. I knew it was stressing her financially, and my husband was without a job. It was all just so stressful. I felt like I should tell her, "no", but I wanted to go so badly. I kept thinking that it wasn't that God didn't want me or us to go, but that He didn't want us or my mother in more debt and we should wait. However, I didn't. I feared we wouldn't get to go this year if I didn't take the opportunity then. My pastor friend said that he thought it was God's will that I go, and that I always put myself on the bad end of the deal with my thoughts. Well, I went and was miserable. I felt like I was really disobeying God and putting my desires over His. This happens in other areas also. For example, we had a broken couch and I have wanted a new one for a long time. I have looked before, but never felt like I should finance one because we already owe so much. My in-laws gave us a couch that wouldn't match at all and was worn, but I figured I just needed to deal with it. Maybe get a couch cover and go on. Well, our matching chair broke also, but not to where it couldn't be sat on or anything. Over Labor Day, my husband and I financed a couch and chair. Just like usual, I feel I went against God's will again. Like He's trying to show me I don't NEED these things, but they are wants and to trust Him to provide. The thing is that I don't think that I'm truly repentant for doing or getting what I wanted, but just so guilty that I can't enjoy it. A Christian should want to do things to please God, not just try to see what they can get away with. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it's like I can't enjoy doing things because I usually feel I'm doing the wrong thing. I think even now I'm wanting someone to comfort me so I won't feel so guilty, but it gets so old - Always feeling I am a strong-willed handful for God.

Rebecca

 

[Jayangel81]

Hey Becca,

Question, aside from this have you ever had a past problems like this? like have you ever obsessed and were scared of always doing the right thing? i for one know that ive obsessed over it constantly in the past, kinda stinks because you dont know if its really God or just youre fear/obsession..Feelings arent always what they seem, they can be decieving at times.. IMo it sounds like He wanted you to go and you were just worrying but than again i really dont know what Hes thinking..

I personally would talk to Him about it tell him how you feel, if you made a mistake He forgives you, but im sure he doesnt want you to dwell on it, remember God wants you to be happy God Bless!!

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks for your response Jay. I do talk to Him about it, but I don't know what is me and what is the OCD. I FEEL it is All me being disobedient and rebellious, and even though it may sound petty talking about the beach trip and the couch, this stuff creeps into all aspects of my life. See, my husband said he prayed that if it was God's will, then we would get the couch, and we did. But I've seen it as me going ahead and doing something God doesn't want me to, and trying to make excuses for myself. However, I didn't feel like my husband and I were supposed to be together either. The day I met him, I FELT as if I shouldn't go to the Christians bookstore I was getting ready to go to. That is where I met him. So, all along, I FELT that I had disobeyed God in that area as well. That's what my minister friend is saying, that if I go by what I feel is right, then I'm never going to allow myself enjoyment, etc. If I wait until the money is always there, then we won't do anything. Yet, I feel that I should be trusting God and desiring the things of God, not worldly things. I think that I'm excusing myself even now, but it is so hard when I feel like most of the choices I make are wrong. I even gave a framed picture I really liked away to my sister. It's something I really wanted, and my mom purchased it for me, even though I felt I should have told her "no". I ended up giving it away because I thought God was telling me that I shouldn't have anything that I'm unwilling to give away. Nothing that is more important to me than Him. So when I heard those very words in a sermon, I thought that was my answer. God often asks us to do things that we don't necessarily want to, just becasue He knows what's best for us. However, I gave it to my sister, trying to be obedient, yet I really wanted to keep it. I saw it as being obedient to God, my mother only saw that I gave a picture away that she knew I really liked, and she was concerned I think that I was getting ready to hurt myself. She called and asked me about why I gave it away, and I tried to explain. After that, I read or heard that someone who is getting ready to maybe attempt to hurt themselves sometimes give things away that they once cared about becasue they figure they won't need them anymore. See, I saw it one way and she saw it another. This has happened before with other things also. My husband gets frustrated with me, yet I feel so guilty about going against what I think is God. I don't know if I'm sorry, but I sure do feel the guilt. I always feel God tells me to wait on things, or to give everything I've got financially in my purse when a need is presented in church, etc. But what's God, and what's me just waiting for that perfect feeling of release to do things or not to do things? My husband and I even battle over tithes. I feel we shouldn't buy anything (gas or anything) until tithes are paid, and he thinks I'm being legalistic. This OCD stinks, yet I don't want to use it as an excuse to disobey God. This is a huge stressor for me. Now, when I look out our couch and loveseat, I feel guilt. Always the guilt.

Rebecca

 

[gracealone]

HI Becca,
I'm no expert, but it really does seem to fit into OCD. Your brain just simply must have something to obsess about. OCD is after all called, the doubting disease. Your brain chemistry is imbalanced in such a way that your anxiety center is always wanting something to chew on. Your guilt and second guessing,(which I'm pretty sure can be called - doubt). about these things is way over the top and super exaggerated by the anxiety that your brain creates.
You have to learn to recognize that when you are obessing and having anxiety at the same time about these issues that it is indeed the OCD at work.
So then you have to learn to- not attend -to those thoughts of doubt or else they will turn into huge horrors.
It can be very hard to seperate what is OCD from what is real and valid. For me... if I can't get it out of my head and it's making me extremely anxious then I know it's OCD at work.
Hope this helps if only even a little bit.
Mitzi

 

[Jayangel81]

I totally agree with Grace if you cant get it out of youre mind especially after you talk to Him it definitly is the OCD,

Just try to remember that as much as He wants us to understand everything he tells us there are times when we just arent tuned in and ill tell you OCD is one thing that will out tune Him from what ive experianced, just put youre trust that He will reach you if it was really that important, and i think He is happy you wanna do what he says i think that means alot to Him

there are some ppl who dont care im afraid

God Bless you

 

[gracechick]

It very well could be OCD. Have you thought of seeing a Christian professional for help? It's often a relief to talk to another person who can offer support & help when one suffers brain lock.

I have a tough time making decisions too. It seems I feel if I make a choice maybe it won't be the right one. What will I miss out on, bcause I didn't choose this or that? So in the end I do make a decision...I choose indecision

OCD makes one quite buggy when the thoughts create so much anxiety

*Try not to be too hard on yourself. The Lord knows your struggles & sees your heart. & remember there are others living with this disorder till our healing comes

 

[gracechick]

HI Becca,
I'm no expert, but it really does seem to fit into OCD. Your brain just simply must have something to obsess about. OCD is after all called, the doubting disease. Your brain chemistry is imbalanced in such a way that your anxiety center is always wanting something to chew on. Your guilt and second guessing,(which I'm pretty sure can be called - doubt). about these things is way over the top and super exaggerated by the anxiety that your brain creates.
You have to learn to recognize that when you are obessing and having anxiety at the same time about these issues that it is indeed the OCD at work.
So then you have to learn to- not attend -to those thoughts of doubt or else they will turn into huge horrors.
It can be very hard to seperate what is OCD from what is real and valid. For me... if I can't get it out of my head and it's making me extremely anxious then I know it's OCD at work.
Hope this helps if only even a little bit.
Mitzi

Very well said. That is a definition that even those who don't suffer from OCD could understand.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I appreciate your advice.

Rebecca