OCD question

[Lik3]

Am I the only person who has OCD thoughts about things that don't concern them or has no bearing in their lives?

 

[babychrist]

Am I the only person who has OCD thoughts about things that don't concern them or has no bearing in their lives?

Such as?

If you're concerned about something, then that something has a bearing on your life by definition....right? You took five minutes of your life, to ask this question. Whatever concerns you, is having a bearing on you, emotionally, even if it's happening half-way across the world.

If you're referring to things you read in a paper or hear about in the news as opposed to person-to-person, then yes, definitely, I worry all the time.:o

BC

 

[Lik3]

The issues are about infidelity committed by wives, or rather extreme infidelity. The thoughts are upsetting yet I find myself fascinated by it, which is a part of the compulsion. I have never cheated nor have I been cheated on. I am trying to answer the various questions that I have been asking mentally hoping to provide some relief to those thoughts. The issue is I have been doing "research" on infidelity which is a compulsion of mine, though the issue is quite upsetting to me. The more she cheats the worse she is yet a man who cheats a lot isn't that bad is he? Cheating women are bad yet a cheating man is to be expected. I feel that she should have bad things happen to her yet I feel a cheating man will get away with it or will eventually have bad things happen to him. The thoughts are upsetting and so are my screwed up sexist views on infidelity. The truth is expanded because the thoughts seem like they are a part of my life and they come upon me suddenly and I had to resort to writing about them to calm myself down. I am not over it because I can't even bring myself to read about those thoughts. It is rough and I feel that no one else understood or understands what I am going through. I have and still exhibit all of the signs of OCD, though I may have had OCD for years. I have never cheated, nor have I ever been cheated on. The mystery to me is why I have these thoughts in the first place. Other issues include baby kidnapping, mostly of girls, yet I don't have a child, and not being saved, yet I know that I am born again. Those issues and thoughts upset me and I don't know how to fully recover from them.

 

[babychrist]

The issues are about infidelity committed by wives, or rather extreme infidelity. The thoughts are upsetting yet I find myself fascinated by it, which is a part of the compulsion. I have never cheated nor have I been cheated on. I am trying to answer the various questions that I have been asking mentally hoping to provide some relief to those thoughts. The issue is I have been doing "research" on infidelity which is a compulsion of mine, though the issue is quite upsetting to me. The more she cheats the worse she is yet a man who cheats a lot isn't that bad is he? Cheating women are bad yet a cheating man is to be expected. I feel that she should have bad things happen to her yet I feel a cheating man will get away with it or will eventually have bad things happen to him. The thoughts are upsetting and so are my screwed up sexist views on infidelity. The truth is expanded because the thoughts seem like they are a part of my life and they come upon me suddenly and I had to resort to writing about them to calm myself down. I am not over it because I can't even bring myself to read about those thoughts. It is rough and I feel that no one else understood or understands what I am going through. I have and still exhibit all of the signs of OCD, though I may have had OCD for years. I have never cheated, nor have I ever been cheated on. The mystery to me is why I have these thoughts in the first place. Other issues include baby kidnapping, mostly of girls, yet I don't have a child, and not being saved, yet I know that I am born again. Those issues and thoughts upset me and I don't know how to fully recover from them.

How to recover? That is a question I have as well (ie, How do I recover from this or that phobia). I think we all have it (otherwise we wouldn't have OCD). I know that this may not be of immediate comfort, but remember that you do have friends here. If nothing else, we can 'listen'. I'm very 'practical' minded. I understand best, when presented with a scenario or timeline. Would it be too painful to share the "what" and "how" of a specific "OCD" event?

BC

 

[Lik3]

Sure, thanks. I can help, but this is the best way I can answer your question. I have written stories that are like my thoughts. They are based on the thoughts that I have. They may be a little intense and will give you insight on what I go through. I even avoid watching some tv shows or movies because they could trigger my thoughts. This is where phobia comes in.

-A man's wife sleeps with everyone. The reason being is either she likes sex or that her husband
is never home so she looks for sex elsewhere. She sleeps with whatever male is available,
whether it is a neighbor, a friend, or a bus driver. The husband finds out and is enraged so he
kills her. He stabs her 20 times. Her body is found. He confesses to killing her. He gets 20
years to life for murdering his beloved wife, who he believes would never betray him. He worked
hard to support her which was why he was never around. he had to go to other places to support
her. Missing her husband and needing the attention of another man, she looked elsewhere. She​

slept with over 25 men.

- A couple has been married for over 16 years. Teh wife has had numerous affairs including a
number of men shown on a sex tape that her husband finds out about. She cheated on him early
in the marriage and finds out two of their children are not his. He decides to divorce her yet she
has been faithful for most of their marriage. His resentment of her builds because he has lost​

trust and over time respect for her because of his wife's past betrayal.

-A couple grew apart. The wife has had numerous indiscreet affairs. She has had over 44 affairs.
The husband knows of these affairs and drinks himself in his sorrows. The husband plots to later
have her killed even when she discovers that she is pregnant. The plan does not come to fruition.​

The couple later divorce on the gorunds of adultery and irreconcilable differences.

-A woman has figuratively slept with everyone around her. Once her husband finds out, he
divorces her. She has cheated on him with over 86 men. She is known for her numerous sexual
indiscretions. She returns to town as she has had a string of bad luck. She and her ex-husband
hate one another. He is in love with another woman but because of what the ex-wife did, he has
difficulty trusting her. There is word that someone has tried to kill her, but the ex-husband is a​

suspect, but he didn't do it.

A man finds out that his wife has indeed slept with half the town. The woman was a promiscuous
woman who was once pure in the marriage and before the marriage. They have been married for
20 years. Because of that purity, she has had an interest in sex that cost her her marriage. She
also takes advantage of her husband working long hours thus he is rarely home. She fails to see
that he is working to support her. She has since slept with over 57 men. Once the husband​

found out, he divorces her. They live in a town of 25000 people.

-Great-great-great grandfather and great great grandmother lived in a house in Iowa. They have
5 children. The husband's kids, at least 2 of them may not be his, since his wife was a tramp.
She slept with over 33 men and she was a loose woman. She was bored and unhappy in her
marriage because over the years, she also worked, took care of the kids, and helped her
husband with the finances. But that left with no time in the bedroom. She also loves sex. So
there is a possiblity about the paternity of two of his five kids though the husband may suspect it,​

he doesn't know for sure if she is cheating on him.

It is quite long, but I know the thoughts may be true or it may be exaggerated.

 

[babychrist]

Thanks for the clarifications.

If I might venture a guess, I think I have an idea of what's actually going on. Tell me if I'm aiming in the right direction or not.

1) Obsessing is part and parcel of having OCD. But the obsessions vary according (I believe) to the predisposition of the person (ie, what they're naturally drawn too). As an example, let me make up a little story of my own.

NON OCD
Once upon a time, an old man named Jim loved to go down to the seashore and paint landscapes. This was his hobby. His favorite thing to do. Each morning he would walk down to the beach, set up his easel and get to work. But, whenever his wife called him to come home for lunch, he'd pack up his things and head home, looking forward to the next morning when he could venture back down to the seashore with easel in hand.

OCD
Once upon a time, there lived a famous sculpture/artist. He was so famous that he was commissioned to paint the entire dome of the Sistine Chapel. Let's call him Mike. Like Jim, Mike loved to paint, but unlike Jim he couldn't put his paintbrush down, even to go home for lunch. Food had to be brought up to him (on his scaffold). He was so ingrossed (read: obsessed) in his painting, that it was difficult getting him to do anything else.

2)Regarding your own obsession, you know it (infidelity) is out there and as a Christian it bothers you, but where many Christians can file those thoughts and feelings away somewhere in the back of their minds, you can't. You're latched on because of the fixation and repetition that OCD causes.

3)You're concern for female infidelity and lack of the same degree of concern for male infidelity, may stem from the fact that you are female. It's not unusual to be more 'critical' of one's own sex. Do you feel that, "a man who cheats a lot isn't that bad"?

4) Your need for "research" and "fascination" could possibly be nothing more than curiosity. You've never cheated or have been cheated on. It's alien to you and a foreign concept, both because you have no first hand experience and also, as a Christian you genuinely wonder, "How could people do something like this? What drives them...ect." And too, I think your OCD may be propelling you toward more "research" and have a greater "fascination" than others who don't suffer with OCD. I have a similiar obsession with "homosexuality". It's an extremely fascinating subject to me.

Time for another couple of stories to drive home the point.

NON OCD
Long, long, long ago, back in 1980 , there lived a police-chief by the name of Bob. Now Bob has been investigating a murder since it was committed in 1964. Every morning He comes into work and starts where he left off the night before. If he has too, he'll stay late. But most of the time, he makes it home for supper.

OCD
Long, long, long ago, way before 1980, in 1977, there lived another police-chief. His name was Clay. He too is investigating a murder and has been doing so since, 1972. He works late every night, long after the cleaning crew have left. He never makes it home for dinner. Most of the time he doesn't make it home at all (and is thinking about renting out his apartment). He's there on the weekends when his buddies are out playing golf and haven't taken a sick day ever.

In each pair of stories there is a common predisposition. Ie, both Jim and Mike love to paint and Bob and Clay have dedicated their careers to solving a decade(s) long murder. But Mike and Clay can't "turn it off".

Am I completely off base?

BC

 

[Lik3]

You aren't too far off base. It has taken over and has me questioning things including my own judgement sometimes.

 

[lilipunzel]

Generally speaking, OCD thoughts are not part of the persons normal thought process. In fact they can be quite bizarre. OCD thoughts are differentiated from worry by virtue of their being ego dystonic which means they are foreign to the individual. The value given to the thought and the fear about the thought being wierd or different form how the persons perceives the self will actually make the OCD symtoms worse. Best nto to analyze or concern oneself about why the htought is there as that may create mental compulsions.

 

[Lik3]

Thank you, lili. You and Babychrist have helped me to solve the mystery of "why me? " and "why do I have those specific thoughts?" . For a while it mattered to me because I have never cheated nor have I ever been cheated on. The stories are more extreme but I have to wonder are there women like that. None of it seems okay, especially my attitude which I have to consider.

 

[lilipunzel]

It might be helpful to oyu to read the Book Stop oBsessing by Edna Foa. Dr. Foa developed treatment for OCD and the book may actually help you to understand yourself better. Find a Cognitive behavioral therapist who specializes in OCD in your area. OCD treatment is successful in 85% of the cases. The ones who don;t get better genrally don;t do what the therapist asks them to do. Treatment for OCD is counterintuitve and somewhat confusinmg as all the obsessions and compulsions and fears need to be differentiated and then addressed

 

[Lik3]

It sounds like a great read. I am on meds and going to therapy which is helping me greatly.

 

[lilipunzel]

Let others know that therapy helps! Is it Exposure Response prevention?

 

[Lik3]

No. It is more like talk therapy. I wonder how exposure response therapy will help me? How will Cognitive therapy help me and what is the difference between the two.

 

[lilipunzel]

Cognitive behavioral therapy is what works for OCD. The cognitive piece addresses supportive thinking around the obsession. E/RP addresses the obsessions and compulsions. Exposure therapy habituates your brain to the fear. It is like getting into a pool of cold water. In a few minutes, the body will habituate to the cold water and the water will no longer feel cold. This is the evidence based way to send OCD into remission. There is no evidence that anything else works. Often therapists use talk therapy to give reassurance which willl make the preson feel better temporarily, but it doesnt make them GET better.
Blessings,
LJ

 

[Lik3]

Which one do you think would be more beneficial to me, the cognitive behavioral therapy or the exposure therapy? The exposure therapy would be more scary. I agree on the talk therapy. I always get the advice on keeping busy.

 

[lilipunzel]

They work togerther in the hands of a competent therapist. We do not do one without the other

 

[lilipunzel]

They work hand in hand, the exposure on the deeper fears, the CT on the supporting cognitions. Let the therapist do the work.