ocd or not

[Ragheb]

well the last time i was obsessing all the time about whether im fully surrendered to God or not, and i spend hours thinking whether i am or not! this thought justifies itself because mainly im considering traveling to live in another country! i dont know if God wants me to travel or no! but the case is im all the time analyzing it, this urge comes to me to justify myself that im totally surrendering my life to him, and it tells me that since im considering traveling and if i travel then im not depending on him...

then this other thought would rush to my mind whether i have ocd or no... if i don't then all this first struggle about traveling was not due to ocd but to my wickedness, and if i travel then i don't follow him and i dont live withhim anylonger..

its complicated but i wanna do God's will as well.

 

[sghajian]

Hey Ragheb,

I know exactly how you feel. I've had those anxieties many times, especially after high school when I was trying to decide what I wanted to do in the future. Whenever I had an idea, I struggled for hours as I tried to figure out whether God wanted me to do it or not. I would think, "what if I'm unsure of God's will because I'm not totally surrendered to Him?"

If you were not surrendered to Him, I don't think You'd even be worried about doing His will. The fact that you desire to do and know His will says a lot.

You know what helped me? I thought about Jonah. If God can bring about His purpose and use a man who was so opposed to doing His will, then how much more will He use you, a young man who so deeply desires to follow Him!!