OCD of sinning

[ProtectMySteps]

Hello all!

I'm 21 years old, and I've always been christian, but I haven't been acting like a christian for I think 2012-13. I wasn't really nice to others, and things like that, but it all changed. I had a depression and panic disorder for long years, but by now it's gone, thank to God. I think this storm was actually useful, because I learned a lot of things about God and being a christian, and I became a better person.

But, for like a little aftermath, when I realized that I don't really act like a christian, I started to have a fear of sinning. Because of my mental illnesses, an OCD disorder developed in me. First I realized real sins, it was useful, but after I told myself of more and more and more things that they're sinful. After a long time it was really bad, I couldn't listen to music, play video games, play with crossword puzzles, or do any hobbies. I just had a bad feeling that I'm sinning while I had fun. I can't really explain it to you how it worked in me. I just had a huge fear that maybe I'm sinning by purpose, and I didn't want to sin.

After a year and a lot of prayers, I realized that I am wrong, and these activities are not sinful. I found a facebook group, where all people have or had this christian OCD, and it helped me a lot that I'm not alone in this fight.

Now I'm feeling more comfortable, I'm happy, I know God loves me, I love God, He helps me, and He always forgives me.

But these OCD generated feelings sometimes happen too, but less by now.

For example one of my hobbies is playing video games. I don't play violent ones, actually I don't really like them. But I always find something that I can worry about. For example I like a Mario game and in that game you have a huge tank filled with water, and you have to clean certain things to earn 'Shines'. And there are 2 bell towers in that game, and the bells are dirty and muddy, so you have to clean them, and If you do it, you get 2 Shines as a reward. And Bell towers are often associated with churches, and I just can't explain you but I feel like that it is sinful to play a game where you have to clean bell towers (or Churches). But I know it can actually be a good and nice thing that you clean it and get a reward, but when OCD strikes it is not logical, and when I do those hobbies I always find these illogical things and then I always think that I'm sinning. Another example, in another video game, there's a sign on the doors with a reverse X letter, and a dot on top of it. (It shows that you have to press the up button to go in the doors.) And I just told myself that they're reversed crosses and I'm sinning... (I know reversed crosses are christian signs)

I know these examples are really strange but I just wanted to show you how my OCD works. And these are just 2 examples.

So how could I possibly overcome this fear? I think it is the last one I have to defeat after my depression and panic disorder, and I need some advices. I don't want to go to a therapist and take pills, I defeated my illnesses without those.

Thank you.

 

[Guru03]

I hate to burst your bubble but I am doing this to help you as I hope that you fully recover.

I'm afraid that there is not much else you can do (especially given the level of your OCD) to get better from this except to go to a therapist and possibly go on medicine. I'm no psychologist though (I'm a student).

I struggle with OCD too in my life (my self-imposed bedtime of 8 PM, picky eating, frustration when the sermon changes direction as someone starts testifying and it goes on, favorite outfits for certain occasions, etc.). I'm looking out for you here.

When you select a therapist, you can select one who has a personal relationship with Jesus [is a Christian] and that would make it easier.

You can still do therapy and medicines while still placing your faith in Jesus.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Super Mario sunshine is now sinful? Dang, I loved that game

Seriously, though, ocd is like that. It makes you become afraid of the randomest things. The best thing to do is to just face the ocd fear and realize that it's not hurting you. Dousing water on a shine sprite in super Mario sunshine isn't a sin. Playing most video games aren't sins. Ocd doesn't like logic, but when you do what you love you find that it's not so bad.

 

[ProtectMySteps]

Thank you for your comments.

These feelings developed because in my past I wasn't acting like a christian, I didn't care about sin.
And when I realized that I was wrong, I started to be a better person, but this fear developed in me.

First I had OCD while I played with games included Hell (I had a fear that I'll go to hell because of my past), then it became worse and worse and after some time I had these fears which I mentioned, not only in video gaming, for example I couldn't even play crossword puzzles and take photos, I thought that every way of entertainment/relaxing is sinful.

But when I realized that I was wrong helped a lot, I came closer to God, so it's much much better now, but OCD thoughts turn up sometimes.

And the worst part is, that I feel ashamed and I feel like I'm sinning. And I feel ashamed, and then I'm so lost, I don't know if these feelings are from God or from OCD.

Sometimes I just need someone who says that I'm on the right path, and I don't have to worry about everything.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Thank you for your comments.

These feelings developed because in my past I wasn't acting like a christian, I didn't care about sin.
And when I realized that I was wrong, I started to be a better person, but this fear developed in me.

First I had OCD while I played with games included Hell (I had a fear that I'll go to hell because of my past), then it became worse and worse and after some time I had these fears which I mentioned, not only in video gaming, for example I couldn't even play crossword puzzles and take photos, I thought that every way of entertainment/relaxing is sinful.

But when I realized that I was wrong helped a lot, I came closer to God, so it's much much better now, but OCD thoughts turn up sometimes.

And the worst part is, that I feel ashamed and I feel like I'm sinning. And I feel ashamed, and then I'm so lost, I don't know if these feelings are from God or from OCD.

Sometimes I just need someone who says that I'm on the right path, and I don't have to worry about everything.

God doesn't want you ashamed, just convicted, repented and forgiven. And you've already done all of those things

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

You mentioned you would like some one to say you are on the right track. I believe you are on the right track. Although we should not spend all our time playing computer games, it does not matter if we play a game or two, in a balanced way. I run a few small online ministries, have seen many miracles, and occasionally play a computer game or two.

As long as we keep our lives in balance, and am not hurting anyone then all is good. The bible says:


Ecc 2:24 There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.

Ecc 2:10 And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.

Ecc 3:12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

Ecc 3:13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

Ecc 3:22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

 

[Holoman]

I agree that therapy can definitely help with obsession.

God forgives all sins, whether we know we are doing them or not. At the end of the day no one knows whether everything they do is sinful or not, so we are all in the same boat. All we can do is ask God to forgive both the sins we do knowingly and those we do unwittingly.

You could try to focus a little more on what good you can do, rather than the bad you are currently doing. After all God doesn't want us just to lead a careful life avoiding sin, he wants us to live a life of love for God and love for each other. So putting some time into loving each other is just as important as knowing whether the computer game you like is sinful or not. But don't start obsessing over that too! Remember that salvation is free, it isn't and cant be earned through good behaviour.