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OCD help or encouragement

HoneyComb Son

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Hey..well I got the diagnose I was looking for..I do have OCD..

just my mind is racing all the time..I am on meds...just OCD and christianity done mix well together with morality sin and God..

I just dont know whats reality anymore..because its been my whole life living by feelings and thoughts..just when I go against them..and feel free my mind feelings and everything pull be back into the darkness..or light..or whatever..it makes it feel like its right and from God


just want to break free..but feelings world..mind everything else points in the direction of it being right..yet its not..somethings wrong...I cant live that way anymore..because it destroys me

will I ever feel right? what keeps me hear is the fear of somethings or waht if it is right..and I go against it...it means im bad and doing evil on purpose

anyone relate..just things are worse right now..I hope I dont hurt anyone..espiecally my fiance


just all this makes me act cold..I just shut myself off...:S I feel condemned guilty over everything..sin sin sin..everything is sin..makes it logical

I hope Im not wrong..I hope I dont hurt anyone..or God is mad?:S
 

seajoy

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I know that, at it's worst, I thought the OCD thoughts were real too. It nearly drove me mad. I can just feel how tired of it all you are. I went through this same thing before I was diagnosed properly. I then got on meds and did therapy....and with God's hand - I was made well. I believe everyone who suffers from OCD can get better. It takes lots of work, but it's so important to listen to the doctor and do what he/she says.

I hope, now that you are diagnosed, you will start to see improvement too. Tell us more about what's going on for you - I'm interested....and don't worry, we here have heard just about every goofy thought there is to have about God. You are not alone.
 
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Believe me honeycomb, Im also in the midst of incredible agony and suffering for the last 7 months. Ocd can make the thoughts so real that it is as if those thoughts are really your own. Then you fight them and feel good, then they come back, etc etc etc. There are many people on this forum that have gone through it and also got better. They are the ones who give me hope and should give you hope also:)
God bless
 
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HoneyComb Son

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I just dont know right from wrong..people offer me such good advice I just seemed to honesty not understand it..something inside me doesnt allow it to go through.its like I block everything...I feel guilty all the time..condemned..even though I know in Christ we are not..worry all the time over right or wrong

feel addicted..no self control..bored with everything in life..sigh
 
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HoneyComb Son

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bump...last month or so.things are worse.even after im on meds.....I dont know how to explain it..but I was spiritually abused in the past..with the doctrines adn teachings I learned at this charamastic church..to this day..im still trying to figure out whats right and wrong...I used to heavily believe in dreams and visions..I listened to them..they destroyed my life...

now with OCD..I feel like its true..like something is making me go back that way..why do I feel the opposite of what I want?? I dont even know myself..whats right and wrong...something tries to talk about of my mouth..against my will..it says I love you..but it goes against my will.and says it at times when I want to be left alone..

I get so angry..I think of killing christians because of it..because of anger...OCD or what not..what the hell
 
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honeycomb are u doing any kind of therapy yet? Is your therapist recommending anything? Ocd is one of the trickiest disorders of all. It can make you believe that the thoughts are really you, and one other thing about Faith. Jesus is greater then your ocd feelings and thoughts, No thoughts and feelings will ever take him away from you my friend. Once you have him hes with you for life, and he knows the torture your going through. Right now try to ask your therapist what type of therapy you will be going through. Believe me, im going through my own nightmare right now with ocd.
 
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HoneyComb Son

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I am seeing a councilor....u ever feel its so deep..that even if you try to accept advice your heart just doesnt accept it for some reason..?? like I just feel so brainwashed by religion and right and wrong..I just shut off inside....just worry so much on right and wrong..I forgot the difference on right and wrong..because i dont want to hurt anymore..

:S
 
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seajoy

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It's your OCD talking. We never want to believe we have OCD. We think we are "tricking" the doctors and counselors. But, trust me, we are not. It's time to allow God to work His truth in your life. God is providing a way out for you. Do the ERP therapy like the counselor suggests. If your counselor is not suggesting it - find one who is. You can do this. :)
 
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I agree with Seajoy. Honeycomb, when ocd attacks it can trick most of your senses if not all of them, and it can really feel so so so real that you really believe that the thoughts are really you, and coming from someone who also had it as devestatingly as I have it, I was really fooled. Yesterday I had 2 hours of clarity where I went back to my old research and here I was again slapping myself upside my head in amazment that I could have let these thoughts trick me, but the brain is a very powerful weapon and it can trick you. My therapist cancelled my appointment and when I got there today they said they called me 9 days back and left a message (very unprofessional), but I didnt really trust this therapist anyways. My point is I will wait as long as it takes to start ERP therapy becauuse , as seajoy said, the Lord is providing a way out. Please hang in there buddy and keep fighting the thoughts no matter how strong they are. The fact that you are suffering so much and fighting against them so much is why these thoughts arent really who you are.
 
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HoneyComb Son

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I will ask about the therapy..I looked it up..its acutally something I have been tryin on my own on myself..just not going by feelings and thoughts.and urges..and Ive come along way..its hard when you didnt realize its OCd intill now..and your whole life u thought it was truth..when its not.its hard to break through...

kind of going relapse..just last month or more..mind and stuff been very bad..just past cult experience and spiritual abuse in christianity makes it that much harder.with such a warped image of God....something just feel shattered instead.and OCD makes it that much harder to go to God with such an intense fear
 
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Honeycomb, I am so sorry about your past experiences:(.I will show you a poem about Jesus that might help a bit about your image of God and the way that he feels about us:)


It is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are not listening, even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there. I await even the smallest sign of your response, even the least whispered invitation that will allow Me to enter.And I want you to know that whenever you invite Me, I do come – always, without fail. Silent and unseen I come, but with infinite power and love, and bringing the many gifts of My Spirit. I come with My mercy, with My desire to forgive and heal you, and with a love for you beyond your comprehension – a love every bit as great as the love I have received from the Father ("As much as the Father has loved me, I have loved you…" (Jn. 15:10)


I come - longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with My power, that I might carry you and all your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.I know you through and through. I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you – even in your wanderings. I know every one of your problems. I know your needs and your worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you – not for what you have or haven’t done – I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image. It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as you are, and I have shed My Blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all that needs changing in your life, and I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.I know what is in your heart –



I know your loneliness and all your hurts – the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations, I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love – how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, by seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures – with the even greater emptiness of sin. Do you thirst for love? "Come to Me all you who thirst…" (Jn. 7: 37). I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine – to the point of dying on a cross for you.I Thirst for You. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe My love for you. I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you – that is how precious you are to Me. I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds. I will make you a new creation, and give you peace, even in all your trials I THIRST FOR YOU. You must never doubt My mercy, My acceptance of you, My desire to forgive, My longing to bless you and live My life in you. I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For Me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you.


I THIRST FOR YOU. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give me your life – and I will prove to you how important you are to My Heart.Don’t you realize that My Father already has a perfect plan to transform your life, beginning from this moment? Trust in Me. Ask Me every day to enter and take charge of your life. – and I will. I promise you before My Father in heaven that I will work miracles in your life. Why would I do this? Because I THIRST FOR YOU. All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to Me completely. I will do all the rest.Even now I behold the place My Father has prepared for you in My Kingdom. Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life, on a journey home. Sin can never satisfy you, or bring the peace you seek. All that you have sought outside of Me has only left you more empty, so do not cling to the things of this life. Above all, do not run from Me when you fall. Come to Me without delay. When you give Me your sins, you gave Me the joy of being your Savior. There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal; so come now, and unburden your soul.No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life; there is one thing I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change.

I THIRST FOR YOU – just as you are. You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day – standing at the door of your heart and knocking. Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there – for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: "I THIRST…"(Jn 19: 28). Yes, I thirst for you – as the rest of the psalm – verse I was praying says of Me: "I looked for love, and I found none…" (Ps. 69: 20). All your life I have been looking for your love – I have never stopped seeking to love you and be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit. "No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock. Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU…"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Jesus is God, therefore His love, His Thirst, is infinite. He the creator of the universe,asked for the love of His creatures.He thirst for our love… These words: ‘I Thirst’ –Do they echo in our souls?”
 
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