Saturday night my boyfriend told me that the affection he feels for me had been dulled, and it's because I constantly bring up problem after problem, and it's wearing him down and stressing him out. I asked if he wants to fix it, and he said it's hard to want to fix it with the affection being dulled. We're still dating and we talked this morning and he's not overly affected by it (he says the problems with the world these days are a much bigger issue than our relationship problems and so he's not as bothered).
But I feel like I'm just shattered. I tried to cuddle with him on Sunday night, but I felt like I was sinning (we don't even kiss anymore due to past struggles with physical intimacy). And so I want to limit the affection we share to hand holding; I'm anxious to even give him a longer hug. And this is part of the issue, is that he worried that I'm going to freak out about how much affection he was showing and if it would turn into a 2 hour conversation. And now I limited us even further.
I'm just sick with worry and loneliness. He's the only person, aside from my mom, who I feel like i can talk to about serious stuff, but it's weighing on him. I have no close christian friends here. And I've just been going around and around with "what if God doesn't want me to be with him? What if God doesn't want me to go to the church we go to together?" I think I WANT to marry him, I'm just stuck on whether or not it's in God's will or it's a good idea. It's so hard to let this go to God; last night I cried out and asked God to just take it, to take the relationship. I know His will will be done, but my goodness it's so hard to know what that even is.
But I feel like I'm just shattered. I tried to cuddle with him on Sunday night, but I felt like I was sinning (we don't even kiss anymore due to past struggles with physical intimacy). And so I want to limit the affection we share to hand holding; I'm anxious to even give him a longer hug. And this is part of the issue, is that he worried that I'm going to freak out about how much affection he was showing and if it would turn into a 2 hour conversation. And now I limited us even further.
I'm just sick with worry and loneliness. He's the only person, aside from my mom, who I feel like i can talk to about serious stuff, but it's weighing on him. I have no close christian friends here. And I've just been going around and around with "what if God doesn't want me to be with him? What if God doesn't want me to go to the church we go to together?" I think I WANT to marry him, I'm just stuck on whether or not it's in God's will or it's a good idea. It's so hard to let this go to God; last night I cried out and asked God to just take it, to take the relationship. I know His will will be done, but my goodness it's so hard to know what that even is.