Ocd and my failure as a mother

[cabsmom]

My son recently turned 18 and it is bringing up a whole bunch of thoughts (along with the crowd of thoughts already in my brain).

I feel that I gave him very little joy in his life.

I feel that I didn't teach him some of the common sense stuff all young people should know.

I feel that my fears were given to him. He has OCD and I don't know if it is genetic or environment. I almost think he would have been better off with a different mom.

I have had many plans to do things together and projects and neat ways to encourage him that I never carried out. OK, I guess some of them I did, but they were not the grand plans. I always back out of stuff I am not familiar with.

I always wanted to be this great mom and I could even picture it in my mind. It just didn't happen. I failed.

 

[kodadog1024]

My son recently turned 18 and it is bringing up a whole bunch of thoughts (along with the crowd of thoughts already in my brain).

I feel that I gave him very little joy in his life.

I feel that I didn't teach him some of the common sense stuff all young people should know.

I feel that my fears were given to him. He has OCD and I don't know if it is genetic or environment. I almost think he would have been better off with a different mom.

I have had many plans to do things together and projects and neat ways to encourage him that I never carried out. OK, I guess some of them I did, but they were not the grand plans. I always back out of stuff I am not familiar with.

I always wanted to be this great mom and I could even picture it in my mind. It just didn't happen. I failed.

Your his mom, your so unique and special to him. God made it this way. You and only you have the perfect DNA to create him. This is part of God's master plan for you. All mom's (and dad's, me) think we fail at some points in our childs' lives. We want the best for them, so it is only natural that sometimes we may think we aren't doing our best. Don't beat yourself up. Be there for him, take him out for lunch, listen to him and give him big hugs. You'll be fine!

 

[cabsmom]

Thank you. I feel quite a bit better today. Sometimes the thoughts just add up to too much and my mood sinks down deep and everything gets tainted with that negative outlook. I still don't feel like the mom I set out to be so many years ago, but I don't feel that I am the worst either.

I really just wish that I could go back in time and start over or something.

 

[kodadog1024]

Don't look to the past for what you should have done, or what you could have done. Look to the future. Look at now. You can makes things great anytime you want!

 

[123flower]

Today I had an interesting conversation with my dad. Believe me I am his favorite, but we don't have a great bond together. We barely talk to each other, which is my fault because I'm focussed too much on my own problems. This time I heard God's voice who said to me I should go to my dad and apologize that I never talked to him and we talked for more than an hour. I have a lot of problems, my whole life I've struggled with OCD, social anxiety, I'm jobless and friendless. He was crying that I used to be so cute when I was little and now growing up having so many problems. Although I see him as a good hard working father, he said that he was sorry for failing helping me when I was little. He said he should have helped me to get me more friends, because I had trouble communicating with other children. Now the result is that many years later I have become a lonely young woman with little communication skills. It's good to talk to your son and tell him you're sorry that you haven't helped him how to live in this world. I sure believe that for the rest you have been good mother. Don't look at the past anymore, that cannot be changed, try to talk more with your son and do things together.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Cabsmom, I think all moms may sometimes feel that way. My son died in a car accident at age 16 and I was tormented by all the woulda, coulda, shouldas that I felt I could have for him and I did not. Or as I called them~~ the evil twins, guilt and regret. I think even without OCD, our perspective gets skewed. We minimize our good points and magnify our flaws. In reality, we were probably pretty good moms who did the best we could as we went along. No mother is perfect. We all have tales to tell of our shirtcomings in parenting. Don't torment yourself by holding yourself to impossibly high standards. In real life, it just doesn't happen, you know what I mean?!