OCD and feelings

[HoneyComb Son]

Hey there I am glad I came to this forum..hopefully i can get some help from others who have been through similar things

well I know I have OCD..I doctor told me so..i had a minor cause of OCD..i think it is more then minor when looking back at it..

when I look back in my life i can see my obsessions and complusions..they were minor i did not think much of them..intill I became a christian..and though I did not see it then.My life was being destroyed by now I believe some of it from OCD and legalism

when I was a young christian..i went to a charamastic typ church...They were very spiritual and taught great things about God..seeing Him in visions and dream..hearing from Him in our minds and heart

I believe now alot of that was true..but i also believe i took some of the wrong way and some of it was maybe not quite on the right track

anyway..i know from what i was taught.and my OCD and the devil.i was toremented for so many years..of the unpardonable sin.and the stress guilt complex for so long of:"is this right or wrong..is this sin..my mind would make up rational material convincing myself certain things were right or wrong..it was crazy..like it was not right..i made everthing rational..made everything look like sin.and i felt right in my eyes..i was not proud..i mean like i was so full of fear of sinning..everything became sin to me..thinking this thought...this meant that..by doing this..it really means this..i got so bad..i was traumatized..literally..because my mind made it out that everything i thought and did was sin and wrong..and leading to blashemy against the Holy Spirit
life became impossible..i could not think or understand no free will..it was all fear and legalism..perfection..and I couldnt see it..because of my mind..because i loved God..so i thought i was pleasing Him

this left me so traumatized..that somehow i shut off my heart and mind to understand things..of think..because of the pain it would bring out of the blashemy against The Holy Spirit

it was so hurtful that i could not do anything I liked because it became sin..doing everything was sin..thought it was not..i got feelings saying my motives were not right..i did this for a bad reason..my understanding of simple things became so bad..it made everything so impossbile..sigh

I never really thought of it as OCD intill recently..and i have gotten better

But i am so traumatized from the past..of my OCD and the pain i got from supposely hearing from God..though I know now it was my flesh and the devil that was controling me

now I am left with a warped view on God.so bad.that even good words make me sad..the word love me..is full of ifs and buts...i am so in pain and shut off..I am terrified to talk to God.or listen..beacuse I am affraid of being controled by Him

i just feel so bad..and i know i cannot do it alone.i just need others...

i hope someone will relate or help me.....i feel so condemned
like has anyone felt like their desires or feelings were changed into something you didnt want? like we all have likes and dislkes..i feel like something is making like or dislike something without my permission..like i feel this way like i like baseball for example..when in reality i dont..it seems my feelings and desires are going to what i dont want..and it hurts so much..i feel so manipulated and offended..because I think it is the Lord.because of what i was taught and preached about

can anyone relate.i know OCD can do this..i hope there is wayout

 

[SkyCloud]

Hi. I didn't read all of your post. I just skipped around, but I think I got an idea of some of the things you are saying. Well, let me tell you something I've been thinking about lately. We are made of flesh and blood and hormones and chemicals. As far as OCD, I think part - or all - of it is unbalanced chemicals in our brain. I've noticed that when I lie down at night, the OCD gets worse for a while, then it goes away. When I get up in the morning, the OCD goes away real fast. It seems it doesn't go away completely, but I've seen a pattern.

So ultimately what I'm telling you is that so many thoughts we're thinking are illusions from the unbalanced chemicals in our head. Have you noticed that sometimes you feel better and sometimes you feel worse? That's right. Chemicals !! God bless .

 

[kaykay9.0]

Just to let you know that I relate to much of what you said and am praying for you. As you know, you are describing classic religious OCD. I am 53 now and wasn't aware that's what I was struggling with until about 5 years ago. (I knew I had "issues" numerous "issues!") A counselor recognized pretty quickly.

Obviously, some religious backgrounds can play into OCD more than others, but I really think that no matter how we grew up spiritually, if we struggle with OCD, it's gonna manifest one way or the other. My counselor says that with Christians, it will usually manifest as a religious type of OCD for the simple reason that their faith is what is most important to them. It doesn't attack issues that are relatively meaningless to you. (Personally, I had hand-washing compulsions as a child, but later on, it was the religious OCD thing. The hand-washing thing should have been a clue, but it wasn't.) For me, just knowing what my "enemy" is, has been very empowering. It's not the complete answer, but it really, really helps to know what you're battling and that you DO battle this. Kinda helps you put things in at least a little perspective when they come up just to know this. Does that make sense?

Are you seeking counseling/meds that sort of thing? Again, I am praying for you. Here on this forum, you will quickly see that we understand the struggle, oh, too well.

 

[QUannie]

HoneycombSon,
I'm sorry you are battling this and for how long this has been going on for you! I too understand seeing "sin" in everything I do, say, or thought.....it is crippling, I know. Please go to Jesus, He will never turn you away, may I suggest the book of Galatians and a book by Chuck Smith called "Why Grace Changes Everything".
I also can relate to being in a charismatic group that was very sincere, many of what was going on was scriptural but "in and with me" I believed i was not on track.....i also believe I had some deception, which left me confused and scared for so long.....
I did learn, God is bigger than all that....He even worked in the situation and I received a spiritual gift...I think it was His way of saying, "It is all about Him" He sees our hearts. I even read of a Christian who was in a cult, and was saved, while in a cult!!! Now that is powerful! He works in and through all things.....I pray you will be able to keep moving forward.....He is with you always......, dear brother, do not let go of the progress you have made, Our God is Powerful, and Mighty to save.....
if you made a mistake, confess it and by faith receive His forgiveness and move forward, 1 john 1:9.......This amazing truth proves it is all about Him,
I really understand your struggle, God is so much bigger, i know it is hard to take anyone's word for it...i even talked to a pastor and i still struggled, but God showed Himself faithful, I know He will for you too!!
I prayed for you.....
Q

 

[HoneyComb Son]

Thanks for your replies..thank you

I have another question? has like anyone with OCD or the like..like their disorder like totally distort or screw up your image of Christianity and God..like for me..its so painful..lol like i dont know..its a mixture of evertyhing..but like my OCD..like to me..christianity is so rules and regulations..cant do this..cant go to movies..cant do this..or that..like everything is sin..like i know OCD makes irrational thoughts rational..but like its gotten so bad..like I dont want to be a christian or apart of God..

can anyone relate..like i feel so often..i wish i was not christian..and like have no desire for God or to be a christian at times..just so many rules.and regulations..and even hearing about love and grace and all the good stuf..just makes me thing..oh boy..what now..what does that mean? what does good really mean..like i over think stuff..lol and know like i dont now the meaning of good.or love:S

if tha makes sense.anyone relate?

 

[god4ever]

well i understand what your saying. It's because you sufferd so long with this that you feel that you have to be perfect. You can not be perfect. if we were perfect why would jesus had to suffer for us the way he did? Yes God does not want us to willfully sin but we make mistakes and we are not perfect. you can't be perfect that's why jesus died. I myself have gone through the same thing everything I do or say or think it's sin. but let me tell you something the devil will make you think like that. he will make you think you are sinning when you are not. he is the acussor of the brothern he will accuse you in front of god but you know what when god looks at you he sees jesus he sees righteousness, please don't give up on god he loves you soooo much he doesn't want you to hurt nomore, ok? just trust him and he will direct your paths. if you have done anything wrong just ask him to forgive you for it. PLEASE READ 1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 it's a promise we have to stand on his promises. don't let the devil win. i will be praying for you
god bless you god4ever