OCD and false and real alarms, and salvation in a moment

[Bob8102]

I definitely have OCD. I see a psychiatrist and take meds for it. Grantley Morris, in his webpages for Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation, says that OCD is a "faulty alarm system" which keeps sounding false alarms that the sufferer is in danger when they are not in danger. My cycle of believing I'm a Christian, then doubting it, follows precisely the pattern he talks about.

But often, the alarm that goes off for me is the realization that self is on the throne of my life, not Christ. This appears to me to be a real alarm, one that has a valid cause. It seems the normal default mode for me is to have self on the throne. Thinking that I am in Christ is the exception, not the rule.

Saturday, at 5:16 AM, I once again understood that I gave my life to Christ. I was convinced I belonged to Christ for over 24 hours. In fact, the next day, my brother, who has been a Christian for over 40 years, asked me what I'd do if I had a million dollars. I told him, "Up until 5:16 AM yesterday, I would have been seeking salvation." (I have been actively seeking salvation for ten years.) That is how sure I was that I was now a Christian. But today, this "self on the throne" thing has got me. It's realizing that self is on the throne that leads me to doubt I am saved, and to return to seeking salvation.

I understand that one can get saved in a moment. That is biblical. Jesus told the paralytic, the moment before He healed him physically, "Be of good cheer. Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on his feet, "Your faith has saved you." I have so long, so longed to effectively hear such words from Jesus. I want to know I have passed from death to life.

I have to admit that probably one of the reasons I want to know I'm saved, is so that I don't have to worry about screwing up, or letting self retake the throne, because, after all, I will know that I am saved, anyway. One who cynically seeks salvation so that they can just relax and not worry about whether or not they are in the will of God after that, probably has wrong ideas about salvation and belonging to Jesus Christ. And it would seem such a person cannot really get saved.

The paralytic and the woman with the flask must, at times after being saved, have screwed up and have let self retake the throne. But their salvation was as sure as it could be: Jesus told them so. My hope is that if I am sure I am a Christian for some extended period of time, then I really am one. So, I was sure I was a Christian for over 24 hours this past weekend. Maybe that means I'm really saved. But realizing that my tendency to grab the throne of my life continues, makes me doubt.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I definitely have OCD. I see a psychiatrist and take meds for it. Grantley Morris, in his webpages for Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation, says that OCD is a "faulty alarm system" which keeps sounding false alarms that the sufferer is in danger when they are not in danger. My cycle of believing I'm a Christian, then doubting it, follows precisely the pattern he talks about.

But often, the alarm that goes off for me is the realization that self is on the throne of my life, not Christ. This appears to me to be a real alarm, one that has a valid cause. It seems the normal default mode for me is to have self on the throne. Thinking that I am in Christ is the exception, not the rule.

Saturday, at 5:16 AM, I once again understood that I gave my life to Christ. I was convinced I belonged to Christ for over 24 hours. In fact, the next day, my brother, who has been a Christian for over 40 years, asked me what I'd do if I had a million dollars. I told him, "Up until 5:16 AM yesterday, I would have been seeking salvation." (I have been actively seeking salvation for ten years.) That is how sure I was that I was now a Christian. But today, this "self on the throne" thing has got me. It's realizing that self is on the throne that leads me to doubt I am saved, and to return to seeking salvation.

I understand that one can get saved in a moment. That is biblical. Jesus told the paralytic, the moment before He healed him physically, "Be of good cheer. Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on his feet, "Your faith has saved you." I have so long, so longed to effectively hear such words from Jesus. I want to know I have passed from death to life.

I have to admit that probably one of the reasons I want to know I'm saved, is so that I don't have to worry about screwing up, or letting self retake the throne, because, after all, I will know that I am saved, anyway. One who cynically seeks salvation so that they can just relax and not worry about whether or not they are in the will of God after that, probably has wrong ideas about salvation and belonging to Jesus Christ. And it would seem such a person cannot really get saved.

The paralytic and the woman with the flask must, at times after being saved, have screwed up and have let self retake the throne. But their salvation was as sure as it could be: Jesus told them so. My hope is that if I am sure I am a Christian for some extended period of time, then I really am one. So, I was sure I was a Christian for over 24 hours this past weekend. Maybe that means I'm really saved. But realizing that my tendency to grab the throne of my life continues, makes me doubt.

I was sure that I was a Christian before I got saved. I believed the basic facts. They meant no more to me than knowing that Aristotle was a Greek philosopher. I was born again just before I turned 21. For some years after that, I struggled. I was unstable and I had doubts from time to time. Satan is delighted when people believe that they are saved when they are not. He also tries to bring doubt and unbelief on those who are saved, so he can rob us of the joy of our salvation.

What eventually must happen is that we quit analysing ourselves. If we have accepted Christ, we are born again. That starts us on a journey, a marathon, not a sprint. Accepting Christ is easy. Walking the talk is not, as you have found. We must base our faith on God's word, nothing else. It is not feelings. If we wait until we "feel" saved we'll never get there. If we accept God's word, the feelings will come. God wants us to trust Him. I used to pray and then wait for a feeling to "prove" that God had heard me. That is stupid. If we pray in Jesus' name, God hears us. Full stop.

What you are talking about is a common issue for Christians. There must come a time when Lord Jesus really is Lord of our lives. That can be a struggle - it was for me. But when we see how good God's will is, how much He loves us and how pathetic self-will is, we will gladly choose Christ. That can take some time. A friend of mine used to tell me, "Doubt your doubts!" He'd been through the same experience as I was going through and come out the other side. Don't try to change yourself. Put yourself in the hands of the Lord Jesus. It's His job to save us and He's real good at it!

 

[Bob8102]

Since the human heart is deceitful and wicked above all else, it is no wonder that some of us have trouble knowing whether we are fake or real Christians.

 

[Sy89ian]

I definitely have OCD. I see a psychiatrist and take meds for it. Grantley Morris, in his webpages for Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation, says that OCD is a "faulty alarm system" which keeps sounding false alarms that the sufferer is in danger when they are not in danger. My cycle of believing I'm a Christian, then doubting it, follows precisely the pattern he talks about.

But often, the alarm that goes off for me is the realization that self is on the throne of my life, not Christ. This appears to me to be a real alarm, one that has a valid cause. It seems the normal default mode for me is to have self on the throne. Thinking that I am in Christ is the exception, not the rule.

Saturday, at 5:16 AM, I once again understood that I gave my life to Christ. I was convinced I belonged to Christ for over 24 hours. In fact, the next day, my brother, who has been a Christian for over 40 years, asked me what I'd do if I had a million dollars. I told him, "Up until 5:16 AM yesterday, I would have been seeking salvation." (I have been actively seeking salvation for ten years.) That is how sure I was that I was now a Christian. But today, this "self on the throne" thing has got me. It's realizing that self is on the throne that leads me to doubt I am saved, and to return to seeking salvation.

I understand that one can get saved in a moment. That is biblical. Jesus told the paralytic, the moment before He healed him physically, "Be of good cheer. Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on his feet, "Your faith has saved you." I have so long, so longed to effectively hear such words from Jesus. I want to know I have passed from death to life.

I have to admit that probably one of the reasons I want to know I'm saved, is so that I don't have to worry about screwing up, or letting self retake the throne, because, after all, I will know that I am saved, anyway. One who cynically seeks salvation so that they can just relax and not worry about whether or not they are in the will of God after that, probably has wrong ideas about salvation and belonging to Jesus Christ. And it would seem such a person cannot really get saved.

The paralytic and the woman with the flask must, at times after being saved, have screwed up and have let self retake the throne. But their salvation was as sure as it could be: Jesus told them so. My hope is that if I am sure I am a Christian for some extended period of time, then I really am one. So, I was sure I was a Christian for over 24 hours this past weekend. Maybe that means I'm really saved. But realizing that my tendency to grab the throne of my life continues, makes me doubt.

You are so very true when you say "I have to admit that probably one of the reasons I want to know I'm saved, is so that I don't have to worry about screwing up, or letting self retake the throne, because, after all, I will know that I am saved, anyway."

I often have a lot of self-doubt and when I hit rock bottom, I try to watch inspirational videos like

which helps to shift my perspective

 

[Mari17]

I definitely have OCD. I see a psychiatrist and take meds for it. Grantley Morris, in his webpages for Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation, says that OCD is a "faulty alarm system" which keeps sounding false alarms that the sufferer is in danger when they are not in danger. My cycle of believing I'm a Christian, then doubting it, follows precisely the pattern he talks about.

But often, the alarm that goes off for me is the realization that self is on the throne of my life, not Christ. This appears to me to be a real alarm, one that has a valid cause. It seems the normal default mode for me is to have self on the throne. Thinking that I am in Christ is the exception, not the rule.

Saturday, at 5:16 AM, I once again understood that I gave my life to Christ. I was convinced I belonged to Christ for over 24 hours. In fact, the next day, my brother, who has been a Christian for over 40 years, asked me what I'd do if I had a million dollars. I told him, "Up until 5:16 AM yesterday, I would have been seeking salvation." (I have been actively seeking salvation for ten years.) That is how sure I was that I was now a Christian. But today, this "self on the throne" thing has got me. It's realizing that self is on the throne that leads me to doubt I am saved, and to return to seeking salvation.

I understand that one can get saved in a moment. That is biblical. Jesus told the paralytic, the moment before He healed him physically, "Be of good cheer. Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on his feet, "Your faith has saved you." I have so long, so longed to effectively hear such words from Jesus. I want to know I have passed from death to life.

I have to admit that probably one of the reasons I want to know I'm saved, is so that I don't have to worry about screwing up, or letting self retake the throne, because, after all, I will know that I am saved, anyway. One who cynically seeks salvation so that they can just relax and not worry about whether or not they are in the will of God after that, probably has wrong ideas about salvation and belonging to Jesus Christ. And it would seem such a person cannot really get saved.

The paralytic and the woman with the flask must, at times after being saved, have screwed up and have let self retake the throne. But their salvation was as sure as it could be: Jesus told them so. My hope is that if I am sure I am a Christian for some extended period of time, then I really am one. So, I was sure I was a Christian for over 24 hours this past weekend. Maybe that means I'm really saved. But realizing that my tendency to grab the throne of my life continues, makes me doubt.

So it seems that this is just perhaps another angle of the "fear of not having salvation" obsession? (Which is a very common obsession, by the way.) I don't think there's one of us who DOESN'T struggle with having self on the throne! Even Paul was distressed about it his tendency to sin! (Romans 7) So, it appears that perhaps your OCD is using this argument to try to convince you that because you "have self on the throne," you're not a real Christian. However, as Aussie Pete said, our walk with God is a journey. It starts with believing in God; then it grows as we keep growing our relationship with God and allowing Him to sanctify us. I think the key is to stop trying to figure out whether or not you're saved, and just believe that you are. No matter whether you feel saved, or had a certain time length that you felt saved - no matter your feelings, choose to believe that you're saved. When you have OCD, you can't trust your feelings anyway, because OCD will always come up with some reason why you have to doubt or feel uncertain, because that's what it does. But our job, as OCD sufferers, is to ignore the doubt of our hyper-anxious, hyper-analytical minds, and to choose to live the way we want to live (in your case, choosing to follow God) DESPITE our doubts and fears. Here are a couple of resources that I've found helpful:
OCD & CHRISTIANITY – CHRISTIANITY
Christianity and Anxiety Disorders - Let's Talk
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD