OCD about touching meat

[AmberB]

I'm Amber. I know this may sound a bit strange, but I'm afraid to eat/cook meat.

Let me explain. I've never really liked that animals were treated poorly before their deaths in slaughterhouses (I know killing the animal is one thing, but I mean the way they are treated before they die). I still ate meat, however. Now after becoming a Christian, I got obsessive thoughts about not eating the meat because the way they are treated. I was trying to wrote it off as OCD, but then I read about what Paul(?) said about how if a man does something that he feels is wrong, it will be held against him as sin.

So, I'm like okay then I won't eat meat. Whatever. But I don't feel like it's that big of a deal anymore, but I don't want to risk it.

But the problem is that I live with my Dad and he is at work all day and I'm at home all day and he wants me to cook food before he gets home. I don't have to eat it, but he wants me to cook it. And I want to do that for him since he works all day. But then I got an OCD thought about how I can't even cook or touch the meat. And I don't want to risk doing it because of what Paul said, even if it's ridiculous since I'm not eating it.

But then I'm like okay I'll just chalk it up to OCD, but I don't want to risk it. But my Dad wants me to do it and I don't want to disobey. But if I choose to do what my Dad wants over what Paul said, then I'd be choosing my Dad over God and I don't want that. But I don't have a choice.

And now I don't really feel like it's a big deal, but I still don't wanna risk it and I don't know what to do.

 

[Christie insb]

Well this could be a good challenge for your OCD. Don't let it keep encroaching on different parts of your life. God gave us meat to eat, and your father has requested that you make it for him.
I assume you have a therapist and a good doctor, probably a psychiatrist?

 

[AmberB]

Well this could be a good challenge for your OCD. Don't let it keep encroaching on different parts of your life. God gave us meat to eat, and your father has requested that you make it for him.
I assume you have a therapist and a good doctor, probably a psychiatrist?

I have a psychiatrist, but I'm not taking the meds he gave me because of bad side affects. I'm going to tell him when I see him again. I also fear getting help. What if without the OCD and Anxiety, I end up sinning because my anxiety didn't alert me to it or something?

 

[Christie insb]

Anxiety is not your friend. Remember Matt. 6:25 ff?
I don't seem to do a link but OCD will not lead you on the right path. God did not give us a spirit of fear.

 

[AmberB]

Anxiety is not your friend. Remember Matt. 6:25 ff?
I don't seem to do a link but OCD will not lead you on the right path. God did not give us a spirit of fear.

Honestly, I'm not even afraid of the meat anymore. I'm afraid of what Paul said. I'm afraid to go agaisnt what Paul said because if I do, I'll be held accountable for sin. Even if I don't think that it's a sin anymore, because my OCD made me think that it was at one point, if I do it now it will still be held against me because of what Paul said.

Before all of this, I never really like how the animals MAY be being treated, but it wasn't some terrible thing to me because we eat them for food. I assumed it was okay. I'm not a fan of animal abuse of course, but food is food. I accepted it and moved on.

Even when I thought that the way they were treated before dying may be a sin, I still didn't mind eating them. Of course if it was a sin (not to eat them, but the way they were treated), I would stop. Point is, now that my OCD over the meat has wilted enough for me to see that it's fine, I still don't want to simply because of what Paul said.

Because at one point my OCD told me it may be bad, even though I know it's okay, if I do it, it will be held against me. And it's not worth it. I don't want to put meat over God...

So now with every OCD fear I get, I remember what Paul said. And so even if I don't think that it's bad, my OCD does and therefore I can't do it.

It applies to everything. Food, thoughts, watching TV, going on my mom's Netflix because I feared that I was stealing even though she said it was okay, watching one of my favorite movies (The Prince of Egypt) because it's about the Bible, but not perfectly accurate (even though I know this and only learn from the Bible itself).

Everything is tainted. God could literally be thinking that it's fine, but I can't risk it because at one point the thought crossed my mind that it was bad. I can't do ANYTHING. Then I get upset because I feel like my life is over, but then I get scared because nothing in this world is worth putting above God.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Mari17]

AmberB, these are good questions. My very first piece of advice would be, DON'T be afraid to seek help. Your OCD makes your conscience hyper-sensitive, so if you do therapy/fight against OCD you won't be getting rid of your conscience, you'll be bringing it back to a normal level. Also, this meat issue definitely sounds like OCD. People with OCD tend to overgeneralize, and you have made this into a God versus your dad problem when it really isn't. Christie is right, OCD will keep encroaching on your life if you let it. If you do what it's telling you to do (the compulsion, in this case not eating/touching meat) in order to relieve anxiety, it will soon give you another demand. That's the way it works. You have to learn to say no to it, even though it feels "wrong." I know it can be hard to tell the difference between your "real" conscience and OCD, so I often look for the feeling. Am I doing this to get rid of anxiety, and do I feel a sense of heaviness and oppression about doing it? If so, it's probably OCD. Usually, when we are "convicted" to do something, we feel a stronger, more positive motivation than with OCD. My advice would be to keep cooking meat for your dad, and to not be afraid to eat it, too. If you genuinely want to not eat meat, that's one thing. But if you're just not doing it because of OCD, that's not a good motivation. Hope all of this helps - feel free to ask if something wasn't clear. I know of some good articles/websites about fighting OCD if you're interested in exploring further. Or you can google ERP therapy.

 

[Mari17]

Just read your second post. Definitely an obsession!! I don't have time to respond further right now but it's important for you to start treating this as OCD. If you're not sure how to do that, I'd be happy to give some more advice/resources. I've had OCD for most of my life and I know how confusing and debilitating it can be!

 

[AmberB]

Thank you all so much. I ate a salad today with bacon. I wasn't gonna at first, but my dad kinda made me and I honestly wanted to because I don't think it's wrong. Also because I haven't eaten in 2 days. I still asked for forgiveness just in case, though... which makes me think that it may be. I know that I have a problem with praying at a compulsion.
I keep praying for forgiveness but now with my fear that I've committed the unforgivable sin (another matter) everything has just become more difficult.

 

[Christie insb]

You have not committed the unforgivable sin. Also I don't know why you aren't eating, but please do not skip meals. Is it OCD issues or something else?

 

[Mari17]

Thank you all so much. I ate a salad today with bacon. I wasn't gonna at first, but my dad kinda made me and I honestly wanted to because I don't think it's wrong. Also because I haven't eaten in 2 days. I still asked for forgiveness just in case, though... which makes me think that it may be. I know that I have a problem with praying at a compulsion.
I keep praying for forgiveness but now with my fear that I've committed the unforgivable sin (another matter) everything has just become more difficult.

Yay, I'm glad you ate some meat! I think it was the right thing to do. Yes, praying about it was a compulsion but at least you're moving in the right direction by allowing yourself to eat it. Usually we know deep down what our real, strong consciences are saying, it's just that OCD piles a lot of doubt on top and we have trouble seeing it. Committing the unpardonable sin is a VERY common obsession. Are you getting any help for your OCD, and/or do you know how to do therapy on it yourself? There are definitely ways to break free from the obsessive cycle as long as we're willing to put in the work to do so. If you want check out the resources below, they've helped me a lot!!
Welcome
http://ocdandchristianity.com/
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD

 

[AmberB]

Thank you very much. I'm going to see a therapist next week.
Another reason why I'm having trouble eating is because of anxiety. Also, even if I'm not having any OCD thoughts or anxiety, I'm just so focused on thinking about God (which isn't bad, but my obsessions are), that I don't even care to eat. Idk

I'm getting a bit better. I know that eating meat isn't bad. I don't even feel bad for doing it. I mean before the thought crossed my mind, I didn't have a problem with it. A long time ago, I saw one of those Peta videos and felt bad and didn't eat meat for a while, but then I got over it and realized that they are supposed to be eaten.

I mean, I still don't want them to be hurt, but either way it's food.

The thoughts that are bothering me are that at one point I worried about it being bad, or at one point I thought it was, therefore even if I don't feel that way now, it will be held against me in sin.

 

[Christie insb]

I am glad you are seeing a therapist. I hope she has familiarity with OCD treatment. When a mental health problem causes you do something harmful like not eat, it definitely means you need more support. I will pray for you and I hope you keep us updated.

 

[Mari17]

The thoughts that are bothering me are that at one point I worried about it being bad, or at one point I thought it was, therefore even if I don't feel that way now, it will be held against me in sin.

It sounds like that's what your obsession is centering around then. With OCD we have to learn to ignore the anxiety and what it is telling us to do, even though it feels "wrong." Hope you are able to find the help that you need. And you can keep coming on here for encouragement and support....there are quite a few of us with the same struggles!!!