Nursing and weaning

[Hisrosebud]

My youngest daughter will be 2 in May. We decided to nurse her at least until 2 because I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with her. I was told that if I nursed her for 2 years she would be less likely to get diabetes later. We have a family predisposition to type I and type II diabetes.

My other sons, I did not nurse this long. My first son for 1 year, my second for 18 months.

My daughter actually asks for her "baba" even in public. It has been a little nerve wracking. Now it is getting time to wean her, and I just don't see how. She is demanding for her "baba" and will through temper tantrums if I don't nurse her (usually because we are in public). She is EXTREMELY attached to nursing and I think the weaning process will be traumatizing to her.

Any thoughts?

Jane
wife to Tony
mother to Jason (17), Caleb (4 1/2) and Hannah (1 1/2).

 

[bliz]

My daughter is also a Hannah... she's 20. My husband and 2 of my kids have Type I.

Le Leche League's advice on weaning is: don't offer, don't refuse.

You can also try and spend more time in locations and doing things where she is less likely to want to nurse - whatever/wherever those are for her.

I realize that with a 2 year old wanting to nurse in public it's more of a challange, especially since so many people have the idea that nursing is only for infants.

But I would also encourage you to try and be consistent with her requests - decide where you are willing to nurse and hwere you are not. If you will nurse in the car, and she wants to nurse in public, remind her "Yes, you can have baba when we get back to the car." A temper tantrum should not be rewarded with nursing.

 

[Hisrosebud]

Thankyou. Would you believe that the biggest complainer about me nursing is my mother. She finds it very inappropriate that a child who can talk and do all the things that Hannah can do should still be nursing. I want what is best for her. Thank you for your advice.

What middle name went with your Hannah? We named our Hannah, Hannah Victoriarose.

Jane

 

[bliz]

Hannah Victoriarose! That's beautiful!

Our Hannah was inititaled after her father, as I was initialed after mine. So we were committred to HL. We went with Hannah Lynn.

I'm not at all surprised that your mother should be the biggest complainer. Moms sometimes feel bad that they did not do for their children what they see their daughters do, and sometimes it manifest itself like this. Of course, she would deny that that's what's behind her actions. Also, when we parent different than our mothers parented, some parents see it as rejection of themselves. It can be a very tricky business!

 

[Hisrosebud]

Hannah Lynn is beautiful too!

You are right about mothers. She wanted to nurse me (ok really long time ago 1967) and it was not socially acceptable back then. She said that nursing was viewed as bohemian or for third world country women.

By the time she had her last son in 1976 nursing was begining to make a come back. She nursed him but only for a short time, it was too ingrained in her that there was something weird about mothers who nurse.

She still has strong opinions against pacifiers, bottles and thumb sucking especially after 1 year. I suppose that I will have my preferences when Hannah is a mother and probably worse problems with my daughter in-laws... mmmm things to pray for now.

Thank you again for your support.

Hannah is almost toliet trained so I've decided to wait on the weaning until that is done. It occurred to me that she might regress with tolieting if I wean her. When she was born, Caleb was three and he regressed with it. I prefer her to be diaperless over weaning...lol

Jane

 

[Hisrosebud]

Oh, about my daughter's name. We had lost two babies before her and had a son in between them. The doctors did a lot of testing and thought I might have a rare disorder where I aborted female babies; an auto immune disorder. Well, they never finished the testing when I got pregnant with her. When they told me she was a female, I was terrified that I was going to loose her. My husband had a grandmother whom he loved deeply named Victoria; it means victorious one. We were always going to name our daughter Hannah rose.

Then 2 weeks late, she went breech and her breathing became irregular. She was taken as an emergency c-section in the middle of the lunar eclipse on May 15. My OB and husband watched it start while they prepped me.

They got her out so we named her Victoriarose; we call her our Victorious rose because the doctors thought we would never have her. . .

but in Christ she was victorious. She is now the strongest will child that I ever met and very smart.

ok, sounds a little bizarre but that's our story with Hannah Victoriarose and how we came to put those two names as one for her middle name.

Jane

 

[bliz]

Not bizarre at all - I think it's a wonderful story! You were very much like the biblical Hannah... it all fits!

She clearly is a special child - here when the odds were not in her favor. God really, really meant for her to be here! Not that your son is not special... or my kids... or anyone's kids, but this one is yours and her needs are really high right now.

I encourage you to let her nurse as long as she wants to. I believe that when we meet children's needs when they are young, they will then be able to mature and not be so needy. I think the needy and insecure adults we see are people whose needs were not met when they were children. Our culture is really big on getting kids to be independent and used to strangers and able to cope with the outside world, all of which are things I want for my young adult children... but they are not necessary for a 5 year old - let alone a 2 year old.

Meet her needs. Which, of course requires careful discernment between needs and wants, not always an easy thing to do. You will probably be getting more than a few raised eyebrows directed at you and critical comments from time to time becasue you will not be parenting her as the rest of the world parents kids. But the rest of the world was not given Hannah Victoriarose to raise. God chose you and your husband to parent her. You will get lots of advice from lots of people, including me and your mother, listen to all of it, nod and smile at the stuff you won't use, and prayerfully seek how best to parent the child God loaned you.

Blessings on all of you!

 

[Hisrosebud]

Our culture is really big on getting kids to be independent and used to strangers and able to cope with the outside world

I have a story to tell about this! When I was first out of college and being a social worker in the inner city, we were working with teenagers. One thing came up about a 16 year old who needed to learn some life skills. I spoke up saying that we needed to help her to be an independent adult and go off into the world.

I was corrected by the team of workers. They were a variety of ethnicities and I was the only caucasion worker. They told me that the belief of independence was a cultural difference. That some cultures keep their adult children as a integral part of their core family. It got me thinking, and re thinking my own values.

My 17 year old son wants to stay home and commute to a local university. It is a great university with an excellant criminal justice program. He would save money on not paying dorm fees. I am getting a lot of slack from my extended family and his father's family. They all want me to "push him out of my nest".

I remembered that old conversation from my early social work days and thought....hmmmm. I have a son who does not want to come out of college with a huge debt. He is compfortable staying home, contributes to many of our household chores, keeps his grades up (is on the high honor roll) has a life plan and goals. Why would I push him out of a nest that is helping him become the adult that he wants to be? Nowadays people are taking out 40 year mortgages around here to pay for homes, should he be in debt 40 thousand dollars just from college on top of that?

It would be different if he were skipping school, not contributing to our household needs, lazy, etc...

I agree with you. There is a time and place to teach them independence. Plus I really liked those social workers who talked about their goals for their children were "inter-dependence".

In the old testament many of those families traveled together and stayed together. The tribes were all from familial lines.

Thanks for your conversation it has been very helpful, May God bless you all too.

Love,
Jane

 

[selune]

looks like I came in a bit late, but it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with your kids. I also have an almost 2 who is nursing and he is showing no signs being ready to quit. It's comfort cuddle time and he gets to look me in the eyes for that amount of time and know that I'm here for him. With me teaching his 3 sibs he needs that special connection time.

 

[Hisrosebud]

you're homeschooling 4 kids? wow. I was thinking about homeschooling my little ones but my Caleb (4 1/2) has some needs that I can't meet for now. Perhaps when he is a little older.

Does your almost 2 year old ask for "ba bas" in public? If I don't give her mine, she'll pull up my shirt and fight for them. It is a little embarrassing. It makes me wonder if she should not be nursing.

Sometimes she wants me to sit on the spot on our couch where I nurse her. She just wants me to sit there all day while she plays or does her thing. When I get up, she yells, "baa-ba" and points for me to sit back down. This drives me nuts. I can't sit on the couch all day in case she wants to nurse. It feels like it goes a little beyond the "nursing on demand" thing.

I love this parenting chat area.

jane

 

[newcreature]

What a blessing to be able to nurse your child for such a long time!! I have three children and was only able to nurse them for about 9 months each. The first two (boys) I nursed until I was three months along in my pregnancys. At that point, I wasn't producing enough milk to keep them satisfied. I actually was able to nurse my daughter for about 10 1/2 months, but I dried up while going through my divorce. Once my life had settled down a bit, I tried to reintroduce the breast when she was 15 months, hoping that I would be able to reestablish my milk. The first time I tried, she just laughed. Sad to say, that was the end of that.

I attended La Leche League, and one of the moms in the meeting was going through the same thing as you are. The leader of the meeting suggested that she reserve "baba" time for in the mornings when the child woke up, and at night right before bed. From what I remember, it was hard at first, but eventually worked out for both mother and child. Maybe you could start with that, and go from there. Good luck, and God bless!!

Elaine

 

[selune]

Oh yeah, we had the shirt tugging thing in church this morning. My husband took him for a walk and he forgot for the time being.