Now what do I do?

[mommame22]

I've posted here before about the financial problems in my marriage.

I have been kindly asking my DH (who started working freelance/starting biz) how much he was making ...how taxes were...and getting very little response.

He said that he hired an accountant who was all over it... and we would be fine.

Well, today, I was out in the backyard ...talking on the phone because he was working in the house.

I was chatting away and he came flying out of the house and screamed "get off that phone now!"

I thought our child had been hurt or something! I politely said "I need to call you back..."

I got off and he was swearing up a storm and said that he talked to the accountant and he hadn't done any of the work he was supposed to...estimated we owed 10 THOUSAND
AND that we would have to file an extension, because nothing had been done.

He was livid at the guy, because he said that he was talking to him like a child.

I asked him what he said? He wouldn't really answer...just kept swearing at the man.

So, I asked for the guys number for the millionth time. Finally I had to DEMAND it. He gave it to me...and I called.

I found out that my DH didn't drop off any of the w-2s until last week and he couldn't get it done in time.

I told my DH this is proof we are living like children. That we must get this straight...we need to cut our expenses. Move to a cheaper place etc. He said no, we aren't moving.
He said he would try harder to get more money. I told him I STILL had no idea how much he was bringing in a month...that I can't get a straight answer.

He said it's ABOUT 2-2500 a month. I said that's gross? He said yes...then he pays for equipment etc.

He then stormed out. Said he won't go to a financial planner. He just seems to disregard me.

I am at my wits end. I know he doesn't MEAN ILL WILL...but he isn't helping me get our act together. And frankly, I'm scared that I can't do it alone.

I'm not the best with this either and we are literally a mess...

 

[Inkachu]

He is not being honest. He is not being transparent. He is not being trustworthy.

You need to start making the major financial decisions. It's time to stop asking for his permission.

From what I recall, you two are something like $100K in debt. And he thinks making $2K a month (and spending most if not all of it) puts him in a position to call the shots financially? NOT ANYMORE.

My dear, you need to take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and take charge. I hate to say that, I hate to see anyone override their husband, but IMHO this is going to be a financial disaster and you're going to lose everything you have if you don't do something and do it now. If you don't know where to begin, CALL A FINANCIAL ADVISOR, we've told you to do this about a thousand times throughout your threads! Honestly, I just see you continuing to fret and describe more and more scenarios instead of DOING something.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Excuse the lack of a "rings" icon-- I'm divorced so the rings are a memory.

I am an Independent Contractor though-- I drive in expedited freight-- and I can tell you straight that if your husband wants to do this for a living he needs to get his act together RIGHT NOW. Taxes aren't the half of it, there's also all the other expenses that go with running your own business and hopefully keeping a roof over your head, food in your belly and so on. He has you wanting to know what is happening and wanting, I presume, to help-- and I hope he learns to recognize what a blessing that is. My ex-wife made a point of not knowing, then spending money like a drunken sailor-- so I for one recognize the great value of a wife who wants to understand and help.

Running your own business is not for the sloppy, if you don't run a tight ship the "little foxes" will be the ruin of you. Hubby has to get his act together, and there's no excuse for not knowing his own finances and letting things get to this point.

 

[Scottmcc1]

It doesn't sound like your husband would go to counseling, but that would be my first choice.

A budget like Dave Ramsey proposes for self employed people is in order. Dave Ramsey's ministry is outstanding in handling money.

Is it viable that your husband can make a living wage at this? He may need to get a 2nd job until things are better. $2,000 a month gross is not livable.

Do you work? Are you free to do some of your husband's paper work?

Marriage is a sharing of life. Money is part of life. Ask, as you probably have many times, to be in on the money decisions.

The above suggestions my not be viable. Yet God does answer prayer. I would study the Bible and pray over the Scriptures on money. Some of the key verses you should quote daily and claim them in your life. I am not talking about getting rich. I am talking about living in the black and not the red. I am talking about living in unity with your husband and having him be open with you about finances.

 

[akmom]

File for an extension. It happens.

It sounds like your husband might finally be coming to grips with the fact that he either needs to downsize or earn more.

Tell him you understand why he doesn't want the stress of breaking a lease (even if you can work it out amicably with the landlord), but that you'd like to consider moving when the lease is over. Then tell him you're ready to sit down and make a budget with him. Eventually he will have to acquiesce. Maybe if you keep calm, he will be less inclined to put it off and/or hide stuff from you. Then you can make a decision about how to pay the taxes or whether to file for bankruptcy.

I'm sorry to hear this. I know financial struggles are especially stressful, and honestly most people have them to some degree.

 

[Inkachu]

FTR Mommame, my husband is also trying to start his own business, and he has been completely open and transparent with me about every single expenditure. He does not spend money unless he has it (he does small jobs on the side or will sell an old computer part he doesn't need anymore, before he buys something else). We have a very small line of credit that we stay on top of, and we will not open anymore credit cards or accounts, period. We both still work full time and will continue to do so until we are bringing in enough income from the business for one of us to quit (when we can fully replace the income, not partially, but fully). We work evenings, overnights, and weekends on the business, so right now we're exhausted, but we're willing to do it to try and make this dream happen.

Your husband is going about this in a very shady, back-handed way. You don't start a successful business by spending more money than you bring in, or by running yourself into debt that you can't repay. You also don't hide what you're doing from your spouse and expect your project to thrive under such a lack of trust and transparency.

Mjmcmillan is completely correct.

 

[Odetta]

Your husband is clearly ill-equipped to handle the money in the family. Him leaving you in the dark is no longer an option. Him making poor financial decisions is no longer an option. You are in dire financial straits, and you can't just let it continue to fall to pieces. You need to take over and pick up the pieces so that God can lead into how to fix it, because your husband sure isn't going to. How you do that with someone who is resistant to even keeping you informed, I wish I knew. If I think of something, I'll post again.

And pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! I pray that God knocks some sense into your husband.

 

[ValleyGal]

My husband and I just started our own business in the last few months. We are on a program subsidized by our government to assist small business owners to maximize success so we don't end up folding in the next year or two. Most small businesses collapse after 5 years, but those on this program actually have a success rate of 90+%.

One of the most important things we learned is that we had to take care of our finances right off the bat. We immediately got set up in a really easy accounting program so it does all the work for us. We plunk in the numbers, and it spits out all our financial statements and records. Your husband needs to find something like this program. Then he needs to stay on top of it by spending an hour or two every week doing the data entry for the books. If he is bringing in a couple thousand a month, where is it all going? How much is going back into the business and how much is he keeping for himself? If he's making that much, how is it that you keep getting further into debt, if you are covering all the bills with your own income? Something is not adding up, imo.

Inka is right. You need to take over the finances. Even if you don't take over his finances, you still need to take control of yours. Don't support his business. It makes money to support itself - and probably enough to contribute a little to the home as well. If I were you, I'd demand to know where all the money is going.

Continuing to get mad at hubby is not going to solve any problems. It requires action, and I'd say it requires action before you get so far sunk that you'll have to claim bankruptcy.

 

[Inkachu]

From my understanding, her husband hides behind this supposed "accountant" person, and refuses to give any clear information on how much he makes, how much he spends, how much he owes. Only when his poor wife backed him into a corner did he finally admit that he's in debt AT LEAST $10,000, and is only bringing in $2,000 a month, and most of that (if not all) is going back into the business (paying for "equipment", what does that even mean?), so his actual income contribution for the household sounds like it's right around zero.

VG is right, just continuing to get mad and upset, and constantly confronting him and arguing and then coming here to tell us the next thing he did that upset you.. is getting you nowhere. It's not productive. Action is what you need. Stop talking and just start taking the helm. You sound like a rather non-confrontational person, and maybe you need some help figuring out how to take the lead, financially, so once again... I say... financial advisor.

 

[mjmcmillan]

There's gotta be a lot more to the story. If you're grossing only 2,500 a month AND you owe 10,000 in taxes, this is a problem that has been allowed to grow for a couple of years at the least. 2,500 X 12 only gives you 30K for the year, and after legitimate business expense come out of that we're talking considerably less in taxable income. Nowhere near what would generate 10K in one year of tax debt. Especially for a couple.

I don't know what type of business the OP's husband is in. I do know my business, and I can tell you straight that the cost of gasoline, tolls, cell-phone use for the business, maintenance and the occasional motel stay can add up considerably. In my case, expenses if I don't take the mileage deduction add up to a bit over 35K last year, so I can tell you it's not cheap to do this for a living. The mileage deduction?? I lost money if I take that, no two ways about it. The good part is that I wouldn't owe any taxes, the bad part is that too many years of loss turn your business into a hobby as far as the IRS is concerned-- so there's a need to show some profit to keep it a business.

Now, hubby is up against the wall and he needs to do something fast. 10K is enough to get the tax man after you, so the sooner this problem gets faced and fixed the better.

Edit; add-on: Excell is your friend. If you don't know how to use this spread-sheet, then you can do yourself no better service than to learn how to use Excell if you're going to run a business.

 

[Svt4Him]

There's gotta be a lot more to the story. If you're grossing only 2,500 a month AND you owe 10,000 in taxes, this is a problem that has been allowed to grow for a couple of years at the least. 2,500 X 12 only gives you 30K for the year, and after legitimate business expense come out of that we're talking considerably less in taxable income. Nowhere near what would generate 10K in one year of tax debt. Especially for a couple.

I don't know what type of business the OP's husband is in. I do know my business, and I can tell you straight that the cost of gasoline, tolls, cell-phone use for the business, maintenance and the occasional motel stay can add up considerably. In my case, expenses if I don't take the mileage deduction add up to a bit over 35K last year, so I can tell you it's not cheap to do this for a living. The mileage deduction?? I lost money if I take that, no two ways about it. The good part is that I wouldn't owe any taxes, the bad part is that too many years of loss turn your business into a hobby as far as the IRS is concerned-- so there's a need to show some profit to keep it a business.

Now, hubby is up against the wall and he needs to do something fast. 10K is enough to get the tax man after you, so the sooner this problem gets faced and fixed the better.

Edit; add-on: Excell is your friend. If you don't know how to use this spread-sheet, then you can do yourself no better service than to learn how to use Excell if you're going to run a business.

Have to agree here, and I'm a CPA.

 

[mkgal1]

The $2500 is what he's saying *his* business is bringing in. Mommame works and her salary is their primary income.

IMO.....Momma....I think your husband has already proven that he's not to be relied on to meet financial deadlines or handle the responsibilities. YOU should look for an accountant that you can trust and hire yourself so you aren't relying on him for the details (and wondering if it's all being completed) or continue to keep in touch (yourself) with the accountant that already has all the information.